Monday 22 November 2010

can you help?


His face?



My eyes found hard to recognize at first


Although we’d spoken often.


It’d been a while since I caught his gaze


Felt like I’d been trying often


But, I got caught up


He looked solitary, in the distance


I thought maybe He spoke so I tried hard to listen


But the words were missin


He just gave that same old same old


Tip back ‘e the head


He wanted me to follow, but no words were said



We paced the darkest landscape as yet unknown to me


And then he stopped


And dropped


Down to the floor, moving much quicker than before he fell some distance


He threw his hands into the mixture


Mess, ash, dust and sand


And there he sat, for time


Yet time stood by


Perfectly – still



With an age he rose, tall as a skyscraper cutting the horizon in two


Then he reached down and opened his hands and whispered


“hold out ya hands, don’t back out now”



“I can’t there too small they can’t hold nothing at all, that’s all gonna fall....”



“Shhhhhhhhhh.....” his words echoed like scriptures, spoken not yet



“You have wot you need


You got it from me


And the cost I paid myself too


So please


Take these pieces from me


And help me put them back together.........”

Monday 15 November 2010

The training ground


Days, weeks months. We spent sitting, listening, praying. At times it was dull to be honest. At times it didn’t make sense, at times we were board. Wanting desperately to be out in the world making disciples but being seemingly ... waiting....learning.....

Dreams were shared, hearts were stirred. We desired, we hungered, and we yearned for the opportunities. My heart ,at times was desperate for those around.

Encouraged by the glimmers, those tinny glimpses’ of hope, of change, of Jesus.

For a couple of years I lived in the safety of community, reaching out from safety. I loved it, it was great, I found faith, I found friends, I found...... Home.

Then Jesus said”go.... leave your friends and family and go....”

“You say you wanna serve? You say you wanna help me? Ok follow me”...... Seems simple right?

Switch

I sit around a table, of lives so far for my understanding of life that it’s hard to see any amount of impact this little life could have. In my diary I have a list of 5 times the number in front of us again, all in that same desperate place.

So now what?

I sat and learned at the feet of the greatest of all teachers. It’s hard to remember all of it but slowly, it seems that it was time spent well.

After an initial introduction of overwhelming proportions. Now is the time. This is what you’ve been preparing for.

So give me those rhythms, book me into those prayer slots, refresh my understating of truth. Let me recall those war cries of prayer mission and justice, remind me of all those times I said “out there is where we need to be” Coz out here, it seems a lot harder than I thought it might, Yet, all things considered, although I have no idea wot I’m doing. For some reason, it still seems right.

Saturday 23 October 2010

Desperation Vs Hope






As the night began to close in, having just had to be wrenched apart from an integral member of our team. We entered the landscape once more. Blendi expertly negotiated the ‘Rruga e Keq’ perfectly and we arrived ‘home’ It was the same, but different. It’s been a year since I had been here and that year had been kind, each day revealed a new development, a new building or a new restaurant that has been filled. Kosova is still defiantly on the up. Having been well fed with the food I had become familiar with, we took the long walk to church (down the stairs) It’s amazing the difference. Some old friends but also some of the empty seats reveal the harsh reality of what it takes to follow Jesus into the unknown. Some have faded, some have work, some have slept in. Yet there was the ever present sense of resilience, thanks giving and hope. We sang, we didn’t know the words, we heard people calling out their prayer, we didn’t understand but we knew who the called to, who they sang to, so as in those ancient days. ‘the believers were in of one heart and mind’ We talked about, family, Love and home. We were blown away by a testimony of prayer in action by one Mr C, Fitzpatrick.




The rest of the trip lead us a little deeper, a trip to Colonia , distributing food to poor (poor and poorer) families, meeting people in desperation. I always struggle with the concept of ‘mission tourism’ you know just looking at poverty, just observing rather than reaching in to try and help people out of it? I don’t know, its still a massively humbling privilege to be in such an environment, to see the resilience that a life of struggle gives, and to see the solid trust in God. Silver and gold we don’t have but what we have...........




Let me paint you a picture that sums up the trip.




So we cross the newly refurbished border from kovova to Albania, passed the immediately intrusive military pillboxes that abruptly interrupt the beautiful landscape. We take the single lane road over the wooden bridge (that’s is amazingly still there) over the electric blue mountain river and on, on into the bare face harshness of northern Albanians’ bandit country Barum Curri!!!! This is Albania!




You can’t help but get a feeling of hardness, a hardness of the country, a hardness in the eyes of the people and the hardness of the reality of life in such a bleak place. We head to a typical post communistic looking apartment block we head up the concert stairs being careful not to fall out of the gaping holes where the windows once sat. The battering rain presents the backdrop of a situation that is as pressing as the weather. We sat in a room of a family of typical standard with a girl who is anything but typical. Martina, works with a charity for the disabled, is involved in leadership at the church, and is in the process of applying to Oxford university in the UK! But believe it or not these things are not what struck me most. As we sat and heard her story I innocently asked what the main challenges that faced the church in Barum Curri, expecting to hear of difficult people, lack of finance, poverty and complaints. But this was the surprising response that stopped me in my track




“with God there are no problems, with him we know that anything we face will we will be able to overcome”



Oh,



I didn’t know what to say, even in our comparative luxury in the UK we can always find reason or grounds to discuss hardship or problem, yet here, not so many miles, but in comparative terms a gazillion miles away from all we know we here a story of such faith such belief that literally stops us in our tracks.




I think This time was about family, friends and future. We had a great time with friends, we felt like family together with us, together with our friends and brothers and sisters. And we dreamed of the future, a future that would see people being helped to help themselves. With a few idea in tow we too began to have a hope, that there is a way.




I left Kosova this time feeling sooooo different than a year ago. I was a little less emotional but no less attached. I think even more inspired (if that’s possible) by the creative ways that victory church continue to reach into the dark with a massive flaming torch to lead people out. I was deeply moved by the routine that remains, prayer day (yes!!!), bible study, children’s meetings, aid relief distribution, church meeting, guitar lessons, driving lessons, looking after the tourists (ha), and still finding time to have fun and enjoy God and relationships.


Keep Kosova in your prayers. Unity in Gjkavoa, continuation in the incredible work that goes on! The church in Barum Curri that will really need more constant support i think, Chris and Loraine who are moving from England to develop a drug and alcohol awareness/education program around Kosova.




Oh and one Mr C Fitzpatrick who had, quote “the best time of my life” wot more can I say






Sunday 3 October 2010

Apathy

Someone asked me wot it is thats drivin me?
Asked about the passion that keeps pushing me
Above all else and any other part of me
Above all I think I’d like to think and see
The biggest drive that sits inside of me sometimes is simply
Apathy
The lack of drive to see beyond of me
Beyond wot lays in front of me
Beyond the notion that’s there more to see then the just wot lays in front of me
Yet I posses a very unhelpful reality
Of an inherent ability
to simply
Switch off

Before it all gets too much

And Sure,
the worlds ruff
And we face the daily enormities and faceless non-conformities of the way we think it ought to be
And distant lands suffer at the hands of injustice and in equality
Dyeing of diseases that rarely bother me
And although they sometimes catch up and tug on a certain part of me
Still that ever present reality of wot is directly in front of me
Slowy eats away at me
And wot I physically have to see
And so
I switch off

And watch
A little more MTV

And feel a little better
About the world

And unplug form sociology
And recharge and indulge my own deepest darkest sense of apathy
And the fact that a world doesn’t exists out there unless I can see it right in front of me
So instead I watch re runs of sitcoms and feel Safe in my existence
As long as I don’t give in, and let the desire to think, kick in?

Saturday 18 September 2010

my man continued

I saw my man in the light a day today
Mate, wot can I say

From what I saw I’m sure I’m sure he looked a little different from before
He’d lost the hood.
He’s really trying hard to be good
He’s out trying the straight road (with a few minor detours) but its a long road.

And this time round coz I could see his face he didn’t look so mean in fact
He even smiled for me
And I’m sure a saw a little twinkle
In his eye

He looks happy, he’s doing fine
So I can tick him off my list............
I got a call this morning
My mans been taken in again
I’m not sure I’ll see him for a while
That corners gonna be quiet for now........

Wot next???????............

Monday 13 September 2010

Let's Eat!!!

About 3 years ago (maybe even more) I walked into a house that called itself ‘a boiler room’ I didn’t really have any idea what that meant other than they prayed. But that wasn’t the draw. They also had free food!!!!!! Yeah bwoy!!!!!

Thus my inauguration into something that has become an integral part of my life. Community meals, house meals, community dinner, eating together, sharing hospitality. I guess you could say I have been around this since young. I remember my parent once making a new year’s resolution to invite someone from the church (someone they didn’t know so well) every month for an entire year. I think they did it.


From those humble beginnings I have shared food, and faith over many a dinner table. From David and Peters collection of organic Christians in Seattle, to the historic site of Herhut Germany with an American worship leader, echo’s of Suzanna’s “You want to do community? Well start by getting a bigger table” echoed in my ears at the ‘scum of the earth’ community meal or in Kosova sharing a simple meal that had taken 4/5 hours to prepare with my friend Erfon (Fonni) with whom I could exchange very little in the way of spoken conversation.

All these experiences have been rich, even this weekend I have enjoyed sharing community dinner with my new family in Colchester. However today’s outing was different. As I sat around the table with 4 guys, 4 guys that have had it ruff, that the world has given up on and would prefer if they were locked up for good, I couldn’t help but feel like they all deserved the best dinner ever. As we shared our ‘best’s’ and ‘worst’s’ of the week. I began to wonder if a simple community meal, as in Jesus’ time, really did communicate something of the Good news of Jesus.

Monday night = community meal night, long may they continue. Long may the gospel of peace grace and forgiveness flow through them. Amen


Just for a little nostalgia
http://squeezeitlikealemon.blogspot.com/2009/09/just-get-bigger-table.html

Sunday 12 September 2010

Breakfast revelation

So one week down. First week Left to our own way of thinking and working and dealing and meeting and... Well you get the picture.
Its tuff it’s challenging, it’s hard, the tails are brutal at times, heart warming on occasions but heart breaking mostly. I have also embarked on a mission to find the best breakfast on Colchester. If you would like to join me in my quest please feel free to contact me.

Today we sat in the prayer room before boiler room lunch and this guy asked me “what are you thankful for” the first response was easy “Jesus” I guess in a prayer room that’s often the first thing that springs to mind. The next was Tina, but I didn’t feel like it was the right time and place to share that story with my new finely (again) So I thought for a while and I said “to be able to do something” You know it’s such a privilege to be able to do something for the Boss.
Yeah I don’t really know what I’m doing, most of the time the stories seem too much, the offer of a cup of tea seems all too small. But what a privilege to be in a place to do something, something that God has been preparing you for.


I sat with my pal Jonsie for breakfast at the weekend and as we chatted about the coming year and the possibilities and we had to laugh. We had to laugh remembering that at that very moment 2 years previous we had just embarked on an adventure that would though us into God and out into the world. To be honest if we had talked about the things we casually chatted about over breakfast then (two years ago) it would have been ridiculous. But now having trusted even not knowing how what or even why. I felt SOOO privileged to not just look back, but to look forward too.

I just read this last week

Romans 4-5 (the message) But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift.


So better get trusting some more ay?

Friday 3 September 2010

Thank you to everyone that has asked.


Just so you know!


Colchester is really good thanks. I arrived at the Colchester Boiler Room on Tuesday evening with a wealth of memories and good times in tow. Greeted by the delightful Smiths I received a larger bedroom that I have ever had before in life (I think if i hide in the corner I won’t have to move out ever)


I have started work with Out4good and really jus been shadowing this amazing guy Pete. It’s been great to see how he deal with the guys involved the organization and the networks involved. As we drove I was inspired by his story of life and faith and deeply challenged. Do we Do enuff with what we have???? A question for another day.


We have spent a great few nights with the smiths, and a few boiler room folks eating and sharing a little life together.



Next week see the first ‘Propa’ week of work as Pete is away and we will be fending for ourselves!!!!!!


Normal stuff, but its about to get interesting.


Thanks Colchester.



On another Note, everyone has asked about my new and beautiful Fiancé. Its great to talk about her and our future BUT hard to be apart. (we are hoping and praying we can see each other at Christmas)

Get involved

Today I sat round a table with a Muslim Imam and head of ‘multi faith needs’ a church of England Female prison Chaplin, a prisoner and some social workers. All trying to work together for the benifit of a young life.

Interesting day at the office

Tuesday 31 August 2010

JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Time fly’s. Not but 2 years ago I was just about to leave a job and jump into the unknown!!!! What a jump it was, from Grays to Orsett to Stanford and into transit. From Transit to Kosova, to Turkey to Uk and back to Kosova, across Europe into a more scary adventure. Then the biggest and best of all to America.

Ever stand and take in a landscape? I took a trip through the cascade mountains 2 weeks ago with my beautiful FiancĂ© Tina. We were able to see some amazing views. Today as I sat and prayed in the park it was like God showed me the landscape of life. Massive stretching mountains, hills deep deep valley’s, streams lakes rives and seas. Then my feet. It like he was saying “just check out the beauty of it all!!!!, I hold all this together, but look! (As the camera sweeps across the vast expansive view right down to the floor in front) I gave you 2 feet to walk it. Sometimes you’ll be up there, others....down there. But through it all I take as much care of you as I did putting it all together in the first place.


Today I took another leep. From all I know, all the friends I’ve made over the biggest part of life, from the foundations that have been built and from all the things that I have known to be home. To the next step. Out into the wild...... well into Colchester at least. Into a new community, a new family (not naturally) and a new job/focus. I get scared quit easy but at this point I feel like Im well in the right place. And if the journey has taught me anything so far it that he is right there with you all the way.


‘Sometimes it’s not so much about the destination but the journey that takes you there’?



3.....,2......1.......jump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets see whats out there?!

Friday 27 August 2010

was, is and will be

Ahh, I’m not sure if anyone still read this, but I do update every now and then. Mainly big things or seemingly spiritual highlights. But to be fair isn’t all of life worth celebrating?

So this is about airing out my inner thoughts and my take on the ‘was’ ‘is’ and ‘will be’

So I’m in Calgary airport (for a 7 hour stop over) Nice. I just left Seattle Washington and my most favourite girl in the world. I have just spent the best 6 weeks ever with my then girlfriend, now fiancĂ©. WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO. Yes! Over the course of the summer I did propose and against all advice she may have had and all the right responses she may have given she agreed to marry me.

I just wanted to say what a great time we have had over this past summer.

It’s been amazing. Letting someone in so close to your life they have to see all that goes with it. Sometimes good sometimes bad, often just normal. Normal we have been, shopping, cooking, walking, eating holidaying, messing about, praying, visiting, meeting people, discovering new places, finding church and generally just doing life. May here and now say ‘life is MUCH better shared!’

It’s been the best, regardless to what anyone says I found America, nice, friendly, welcoming (welcome welcome Darren) fun and exciting. I loved meeting people, working and living.

Highlights include – being able to be part of the work at Recovery Cafe. Nero!!!!!!!! Camping like a propa outdoors person. Driving through the mountains listening to adventures in odyssey. Sharing my journey, the journey of 24-7 prayer and of the boiler room at 217 with the guys at ‘scum of the earth’ church. Meeting Rob Gregerson. The Goon docks!!!!!! A.k.a Astoria Oregan. Voodoo Doughnuts. Meeting and getting to hand out with some kool folks, John, Tiff, Jenn, Jess, Ronald, Zach, Liz Darren, Friendly Jeff, Caleb and David & Peter. But most of all just time spent with Teenie.

Oh yeah and getting engaged too. That was fun

So here I sit, in an airport on the brink of change. I feel like I left something behind! I did, she is wonderful, beautiful and the most precious person. Yet torn as we are we both embark on what we know God is leading us into for the next year (wow a year seems sooooo long)

I have great memories of the ‘was’. The year that was, transit, the boys, a life of prayer outworked in mission. The summer that ‘is’ and had tragically just come to an end. The connection of hearts, the life shared the plans planed and the future dreamed of. And I look forward, hard as it may be, to the ‘will be’, the year ahead full of its challenges and excitement. Prayer community, out4good, new family and friends (not forgetting any old ones of course) And the will, will be. Life together with one incredible Christine Elizabeth Aurand (one day Lawton)

Here’s to you ‘will be’ and all you may hold. I pray that the ‘will be’ God holds is the one I walk into. Amen

Thursday 5 August 2010

Be love!!!!!!

Steve, an apostle of Jesus the Christ on a journey of finding faith in the strangest of places.



To all the saint of the church of Transitier, to Gods elected representatives, strangers in this world yet with a deep rooted hope. Those that have been, or are about to be scattered far and wide to spread this gospel of love.


May grace and peace be with each one of you as you embark on this journey of life that is constantly being unfolded before you.


Much time has passed since we gathered together at the forming ground of Corritunesis, in the land of Essexaliea. Often we pray for you, never once thinking that you are incapable yet always understanding that God does nothing but in response to prayer.



Times have changed since we were last together and life has seen us all stretching out into the great unknown. But let it be known unswervingly my dear friends that none of us are in this alone. As the body we are connected to each other and the Christ himself. If you are ever in need please, do not hesitate to ask for prayer and of course keep constant dialogue with the farther, who is always looking out for you ready to get involved, at your request.


Brothers and sisters, the road is hard and fraught with dangers, yet let us never become tired of doing the good works he has at hand for us. Each day you rise begin by inviting him in, cultivating that relationship that we all long for that bond of farther and son/daughter.


Please, even though at times it may be hard, never let the word of God depart from you it is your life line, your incite into a loving farther and his longing to interact with his children. Hold on to it, you don’t know how blessed and privileged you are to have it in your hands.



Family, Love people, until you feel you have nothing left to give, than love some more. Let this be what defines you. Your love for one another, and not just those you like.



Waist yourself on Gods work, Sometimes it will seem pointless, who loves cleaning toilets or picking up litter, But it is SO important in the building of the kingdom to come. Some may laugh and accuse you of wasting your life, I say what better way to waste yourself than at the mercy of God, directly responding to the needs around you.



Look for beauty in everything and everyone, this will help as you seek to live as an act of worship.



Keep on growing, in this kingdom, you never get too tall. Keep on learning, your never realise how little you know until you learn something new.



Listen to Gods heart beat, pick it up, use it to build in a rhythm of life that both works practice and is in line with your farther.



Friends, there is more I would like to share yet I fear there would not be enough paper to write it down on.



Don’t forget where you came from, not because you going back but because it will help you determine where you are going.



Live generously, hope undoubtedly, pray persistently, and speak boldly, but never prideful, keep calm, there’s always time to take a breath.



But most of all, Love, love from the gut, love those who are loved and those who have never even so much as heard the word let alone understand it. You are loved, so be love.



I pass on heartfelt greetings from our dear friend Christine, she wishes you all well and hopes to visit soon (I hope so too)



May this love that we have heard so much about consume you. Until our time comes,



May Peace and love stay with you.

Thursday 29 July 2010

Perfect love drives out all fear???

When you were little did you dream of anything, doing something, being something? Did you get there???

When I was little I really wanted to be having fun, running about with other kids, but there were certain thing that I was just too scared to do. I’m not talking about jumping off diving boards I’m talking little things, putting your hand up in class, I was too scared to get something wrong. Going swimming coz I wasn’t very good at it, Volunteering to do things, coz I was scared I didn’t know what would happen or who I would have to do it with.

When I a bit older I didn’t really want to get into drugs (I don’t think) I just was scared about not fitting in with anyone and if I didn’t do what they were doing I wouldn’t have friends and I wouldn’t have fun.

When I was about 13 I heard Jumping Jack frost on kiss 100 play ‘Candles’ by Alex Reece, a little while later I heard Eksman and Herbsy on cindicutt fm. I was hooked. I wanted to be a drum and bass MC, so I started my journey, listening ,imitating, reciting, writing, recording and mastering my style. I had so many opportunities to make a go of it. BUT I was scared, scared of what people would think, scared of the pressure, scared I Would actually make it then I would have to really be good all the time, so I bottled out loads of times, or I didn’t even try.

It took about 8 years to make it from the bedroom decks to the airwaves of 90.8, and even then it wasn’t till a good friend got on that I was able to follow that dream. I loved it and I’m truly grateful to God and my pal for that, but I couldn’t help thinking of all the times I could of pushed to be there earlier. I’m sure the timing wasn’t right, but there were so many opportunities that I could have reached for but didn’t. I was scared, scared that I wasn’t good enough.

I’ve carried that a lot through life. I’ve been a fearful guy. I don’t mean to be, and most of the time I don’t think I am, but subconsciously I cover it “Na I’m not gonna do that coz I haven’t got time” “Na I don’t think this is the right thing at the moment” “I’m just gonna let someone else do that” Now to be fair all these reasons are right, at a time, but all the time????

The Bible say’s ‘..perfect love drive out all fear!’, So, fear isn’t from God right? But what if you’re scared.? “Be bold and courageous, DO NOT BE AFRAID”

I’m in love, I can’t say it’s perfect love coz that comes from God himself, but, in being in this relationship I can see glimpses of God’s love. That gentle hand that guides at times, but also that strong voices that says, “will you trust me?, will YOU go there for me, I know you don’t know where or even how you will get their BUT, will YOU go for me?”. I like to think I’ve learned a lot about trusting God this past 2 years and I’m sure I have I really have, BUT I have also always had a back up. These days I don’t have a back up. All that has kinda been used. So now, it’s about trust. Bare naked trust. And it scares me.

The most influential MC I ever heard when I was young was a guy called Fearless. Ironic, now 10 years or more on, that I only just realised that maybe he had more than just crowd hyping skills to teach me.

I love God, and I want to do whatever he has lined up, I love to dream, and I have some things that I believe God birthed in me, many years ago that I really would love simply to try, to trust, to see, and to do to bring glory to God, to celebrate that gift he has put in me, but have never pushed coz well, I was too scared of failing, and never believed in myself.

But figure God is like a Dad right?

I remember learning to ride a bike, my Day would hold the bike up steady, get in balance, walk beside me as I rode, all the while saying “you’re doing well keep going, you’re going to get it, well done, you’re doing great” sometimes it would work, sometimes I would fall flat on my face, but if I did, he would pick me up, dust me off and still say “well done son lets have another go”

I think today via the voice of a prophetess, and out of love, God dusted off some old dream and said son, do you trust me?

Do you trust God enough to dream????? I’m still learning. Do you think you ever really get it?

Friday 23 July 2010

OK guy's, Lets shake it ALL out now.


So Ive been in America for over a week. IT WAS WICKED TO BE WITH MY LITTLE LADY. We r simply loving being simply normal, and just appreciating walks in the city, shopping, cooking dinner and life stuff, ahhhhhhh, it’s nice to breath out for a while.



That being said, America! So it’s like England (at least that’s what they want you to think???) but!


“Hey do i detect and accent there” “Yeah mate” “Don’t tell me.....Austrailian?” “No!”



Do I sound Australian? I don’t think so, I lived with someone from Australia but my common folk Essex slang, I think is pretty clearly English? I don’t know.



So I’m doing a couple days at this place called the Recovery cafe, which let me tell you is amazing. The ethos, the idea the community spirit is wonderful and simple and so deep at the same time.


www.recoverycafe.org do check it out its such a great and positive project. I had a couple of days there but in that short time I heard story after story of how this place is a real life line and a community no a family to those who just don’t have that.




But...being America, and being a place that offers classes for the whole well being of a person there are a few ‘interesting’ classes on offer.



So, picture the scene, we are sitting by the entrance, the class is about to start, one of the managers is chatting to a guy, “hey you should do this class it would be real helpful and fun for you” now this guy don’t wanna do the class, so after the 2 of 3rd time of asking they are just about to give up when he lets out a “Steve. Ill do it if you do” Now it’s fair to say I don’t have any idea what this class was, but I figure if it help this guy get in there, what is there to lose? “Ok sunshine I’m it if you are”, What’s the worst that can happen? it’s gonna be listening to some motivational self-help, personal development stuff, kool I’m all about that.



NO, no it isn’t, ‘interplay’, is the name of the class – and there will be NO sitting and listing here people





“Ok guys, today we are going to experiment with our bodies and our voices, let’s just see how we can connect with our inner selves”


“Ok guys let’s just be loose and shake it all out, come on now don’t be tight, just shake it out, really you can do this any time, just shake your body all over to release all the tension of the day”


“ok lets all make a note from our mouths together, this is one way we can be connected as people”


“ok let all make a different note with our voices, this is one way we can all be individual”


“I think its so kool that by simply allowing our hands to dance we can become so much free’er of all the pressures of the world”



Yes my friends this was a real class. My goodness. So as we left that same lady came to me and this fella, and said so was it fun, he smiled and looked at me and said throw gritted teeth Mmmm thanks Steve. Ha ha, to be fair most people in the group did find it helpful and beneficial. Each to their own I guess, or more to the point we are all different parts of the same body right? I guess the hand isn’t so impressed by a beautiful painting as the eye is right?



Ah America, world apart yet best pals? To be fair I do love it here, I love driving on the wrong / right side of the road, I love that people are so friendly that the guy in front of us in the market que offered us a lift home, I love the accent, I love the enthusiasm but most of all i simply love being here with someone special.



Ill keep ya posted.

Monday 3 May 2010

cafe del mar sunset and an incredible God

The warmth has gone



The light lays hidden behind the unexpected mist


The melodic soulful ambiance creates the backdrop to the ever-present air of expectance


We all exercise a degree of forced patience


One solitary fisherman patrols the vast expanse and almost seems


Insignificant


In comparison to the ocean



The backdrop moves in slow motion



Eyes patrol in the same direction


And give a subtle impression


That we are all people


Of expectance



Yet for my in experience


My heart beats just a little faster


For what it is for which we wait



Waiting and watching, watching and waiting


All aware


but know one saying


Yet we all sit


And watch


the same



Some every day folk


Some Day to day folk


Some claiming celebrity status


Some just here to play folks


Yet we all sit and wait


The same



The colours blend to create


And to paint


An undisputed masterpiece


Naturally made


As if pinned of hung from 4 corners


the largest piece of priceless artwork freely on display


And it shows its self today


as every other day


Without fail



Many things brought us here today


Different circumstances will create the crowd


And different ones will create it again in a different way the following day


But for today


For this specific moment


Of this specific day and point in history


For this specific display


It is here and now.



That we wait



Wots the difference in this miss matched rag tag band of unusual characters


That have gathered from far and wide


but all looking in the same direction?


All looking the same way


As the sun sets


Its as if the maker


Is sitting back with arms folded and with a little smirk as if to say


“wot more can I say”



The difference I guess



That someone took the time to explain to others


Why it is that the sun fades


And wot happens to it the next day


And how to operate when the day is claimed


by the dark



And someone told them how to explain


To the next person,


In the hope that they would take the opportunity to do the same


So we all sit here again


Different


Yet in some sense


The same



And we wait


For the end of the day

Friday 12 March 2010

John 1 v 1-5

From the start it seemed to start with me

I say me from in the 3rd degree

He in they and they insidea me

That’s simply where it started see

We exist in perfect harmony

The embodiment of community

For some the simplicities hard to see

Coz I am him and he is me

All things created came from me

Nothing made apart from me

I stood hand in hand with the creator

I watched the joy it brought to make ya

In unity we stand together

Before time and space and earth and weather

I’m with you as we take this journey together

I wasn’t a 2nd thought

I wasn’t a last resort

I wasn’t what happened when we got caught

Out, to form a way back in

I was in him from the very beginning

This is the truth I came to bring

The joy of which I’m living in

The salvation for a world of sin

But hold on, we’ll get to that part lata

Who I am is simply life itself

It doesn’t come with position status or wealth

It lays hidden deep inside yourself

In a dusty box up on the top shelf

The one you can’t quite reach yourself

But you know it’s there

Sometimes you don’t see it there

But deep inside you know it’s there

It seems to just elude your stare

Sometimes you even forget it’s there

Or it gets covered up

And left

But what I have

I’ve come to share

It sits deep inside the guts of me

It’s been there for eternity

It’s the light by which we all can see

It outshines the dark around you see

Nothing gets away from me

It hides but the light will find it, and blind it

And that’s when you truly see

It burns with deep intensity

It’s what all creation longs to see

It shines for all eternity

It’s what will bring you back to me

It’s what can’t be stopped

It’s what can’t be hidden in a box

time ticks

Time ticks

But

Clocks don’t stop..

One headphone offers the spoken word of Gill Scott Heron

And I too wonder ‘where did the night go’

Carefully avoiding yesterdays reminence on the pavement

Misplaced investments and modern day enslavements

That’s when I saw him

He was older than times gone past

But seemed younger at a second glance

Time had took its toll on him

But he seemed to take it

Simply

But

He seemed to have some kinda of iner-glow that eluded, being extinguished

It seemed to BE the core of him

I didn’t say a word, but somehow

He saw within

He recounted times past long before

I had to smile as we toured

Significant moments large and to some seemingly small

But to me not at all

From that small blond haired boy, with not a care in the world

To a family upbringing, not bad at all

Then suddenly he stopped

And looked up

In the back of his eyes formed tears

That had stayed there for years longing to be cried

But never found there time

He saw the kid with the faded baseball cap

Zoot in hand spittin drum and bass chat

Telling stories of how he’s all that

But really

He was just lost

He been pointed in the right direction on the right path

But in distraction he’d got lost

And the saddest part of history recounted

Was that he didn’t even know it

This man then looked up at me

With a look of vague intensity

Not so much offering a word to me

Then conversed with something deep within me

He knew where i’d been

And as if a concept seldom seen

Somehow, he’d been there too

His overcoat told a story

Of too many night

Under stars and street lights

His shoes had seem a 100 miles

Ontop of that 1000 miles

And 1000 more still to come

He had more miles to walk, more needs done

His eyes

They spoke with intensity

Of depth and clarity of real life

He took me back to place’s and times

That i didn’t even remember or couldn’t find

In my

Mixed up confused battered over time mind

He said “you don’t remember these coz these ones you tried to hide”

These pictures hurt

They spoke of negativity and no sense of self worth

They unleashed the beast of fear of failing

Uncovered the whole of rejection I often fell in

The dark began to sink in

As I sunk into these memories and feelings

I couldn’t stand, so on this guy I’m leaning

It’s like these times were standing screaming

But with one hand firmly planted on my shoulder

His drawn face seemingly older

Penetrated the stone cold

And told

Another side to the story

He guided me through it slowly, in vivid detailed imagery

Though all were distant memories

He showed me, so I could see

This guy

Standing right beside of me!

His over coat this time was slightly more tidy

The shoes he rocked, far less grimy

But the eyes that now see inside of me

Still pierced with the same level of intensity

As they did that very day

As i drifted

He followed

as i shifted

he pulled

but i ignored

he waved

but i never saw

but he never left

Na......never

Now here we sit in a darkened ally on a shop step

Heads a mess

Full of sorrow and regret

He say

“hold on, let’s not go there yet”

Then he hands an envelope over

I open it eagerly

With hope to think of what it might just be

Then that excitement drifts away from me

When I screwed up blank piece of paper is all that lays in front of me

“This is the way of the path less travelled”

He utters eagerly as if to breathe some life into me

“I don’t get it, are you joking me?”

Then in the truest ever sense of the saying in exact Jack Bower style and fashion, he say’s “you just gotta trust me”

At once I’m struck with the immense se-realness of the situation

That’s been unfolding and how ridicules it all seems

And that just seems to make him smile

I look at the paper again

The first steps appear

As I walk forward

More seem to be reviled

Turnings appear

I took a right

Then the map seemed to slowly recount my steps

To the place I just left

But the lessons I learned help me make the decision

And i feel far less stressed and at this point I take a left

Now it took a few years

To get from there to hear

The roads been narrow

But, that’s how it was always gonna be

Sometimes it gets on top of me

But when it does and it seems to much for me

I take a glance to the other side to see

To that same guy

Who’s always there with me

The green overcoat seems somewhat older

And the shoes have walked plenty more roads

But those eyes

They still look straight at me

And the voice

It still speaks to me

“you just gotta trust me”