Squeeze it like a lemon

Errrrrrr......

2011-03-22T16:06:00.000-07:00

I think, I er, lost the plot a little. Well that is to say I wondered a bit from the track, or lost sight of the end goal, or whatever other analogies you wanna, use you get the picture.

I just read something I wrote after my year out today, after as a group of friends on a journey of discovery had delved deeper and deeper into God, into mission and into seeking justice. We had talked late nights over about what it was to be church, to be the hands and feet of Jesus, I had banged on time after time about getting our hands dirty. I had travelled far and wide to seek out what God was up to and how to get involved. I’d been shaped, re shaped, broken and remade and I felt I was ready....hahahah, little did I know. In his wisdom I had more to learn and God gave a safer environment to do that in which was fun challenging growing and I believe fruitful.

So then came the time to do the talk, to get deep in.

Now

here I am,

use me.

Mould me shape me

Let the things that break you, begin to break me

And I’m right here and I’m ready so

Now’s the time

The battle fields open

And this soldier...

Is ready (this is the end of a lill poetry I had written at the time)

I’m not sure where or when it happens, is it the point where dreams become reality, or when reality hits, or when the real shit hits the fan? I’m not sure but somewhere along the line the realness of lives, mess, pieces and hope become a job! I hate to say it but it does. The life I was so desperate to live has become ‘what I do’, I love it to be sure, but I have grown a little tired (already) I get sucked into so many situations that I just sometimes wanna just do something a little more normal (just fir a moment)

Ha its funny how you glamorise things, callings, visions. But today I was draw back to the heart of it. I have a pray wall up in my room. It kind makes me look a bit spiritual whenever someone sees it, but the reality is I just write thing on there as reminders that I then forget to pray about. At the top it says “my prayer is this....” at the bottom it says “it all begins in prayer” I walk past that wall so many times a day but don’t read either. Tonight i prayed, not long or intense but I started to feel the buzz, you know that sprit wind kinda thing that makes you sit up a little and concentrate a little more?

I love what I do, I really do, I just sometimes forget why I do it and how big it is. I forget that it really was God that led me to be here. My boss has been talking about us being ambassadors of Jesus lately in this role and just how important that is. I have been an ambassador for out4good, for nice guys, for getting things done, for giving people lifts for Frontier Youth Trust, and I pray for this god/guy called Jesus. But i think it’s time to shuffle that list around a bit.

Now it’s our time and it’s our turn

To be the people he longs for us ta be

To see the things he’s promised us,

That will see

(Greater things than these)

So what you waiting for?

Get out there

And just simply

start

to be.

Time to do wot I talk about right??

St Brendon

2011-01-30T14:28:00.000-08:00

Today I sat in a ‘traditional 1980’s church, the type I grew up in. The type my Dad use to lead and the type Id fallen asleep in too many times. Yet this time it was different.

It was all about supporting ‘the Abbyfield community project’ of which Richard Smith (of Colchester Boiler room community) is an employee. As I sat on the front row (yep the front row) the sight was strangely exciting. Behind the sea of gray hair, shocking electro piano backed with per-recorded electro drum lead worship, under the standard collage style hanging material, was something quite beautiful. 3 Church of England vicars, two Methodist ministers, one Baptist minister and a united reform fella (who didn’t quite make it) and our very own Richard Smith. All together to back a church planting, community building, relationship growing thing. It was beautiful.

Yeah I could tear into the meeting layout, the stand up sit down, Yes and amen sandwich. We could laugh at the oldest of old skool songs or threat about the lack of anyone under 55. But the fact remains 6 churches, in the same building supporting the greater good and loving Jesus. Simple, and beautiful

After a mammoth week of a lot of hours, confusion and disappointment. The realisation of not knowing much and not having anyone to talk about it with, tonight I heard a prayer.

This is the prayer or St Brendon the 2^nd most famous Irish Saint (apparently) He was famous for setting out a boat to sea, not knowing where he would land but trusting that God had it all in his hands. This will be the prayer for the next ........I’m not sure how long.

Shall I abandon, O King of mysteries, the soft comforts of home? Shall I turn my back on my native land, and turn my face towards the sea?

Shall I put myself wholly at your mercy, without silver, without a horse, without fame, without honour? Shall I throw myself wholly upon You, without sword and shield, without food and drink, without a bed to lie on? Shall I say farewell to my beautiful land, placing myself under Your yoke?

Shall I pour out my heart to You, confessing my manifold sins and begging forgiveness, tears streaming down my cheeks? Shall I leave the prints of my knees on the sandy beach, a record of my final prayer in my native land?

Shall I then suffer every kind of wound that the sea can inflict? Shall I take my tiny boat across the wide sparkling ocean? O King of the Glorious Heaven, shall I go of my own choice upon the sea?

O Christ, will You help me on the wild waves?

St Brendon

I just.....

2011-01-29T14:43:00.000-08:00

I just, .....I just, ..... can’t explain

My current mental state I’m starting to find hard to maintain

My main aim

My main game

My same way

Are falling

And I feel like I’m losin it

Look

I’m just trying

With all I am - to be good

To, do that thing I’m sure I’m sure I thought I should

To do right, to be nice, to live life

And be a really good guy

To keep my head high

To seek to know why

To speak truth and not lie

But to lie

Myself down

For the sake of my brother

And if the opportunity arises maybe even my enemy

But its killing me

Ok, so I exaggerate

But also to I exacerbate

As I dig deeper in the this pit of shit I uncovered

And fell in

And now I stink

I feel, I feel, I

Na, that’s not right for me to right

Coz that would require me to actually feel something

Yet at this moment I feel nothing

And I’m left to ask.....

“why do the good die young?

Why do dickheads have all the fun?

Why is when there’s work to do there’s no one

Yet if they want something, there’s, everyone

And while I’m asking

Why to beautiful girls date idiot horrible guys just coz they look a bit kool?

And why did I fail at school?

And why, did I never listen

to the advice of those beside that left me behind to clime high?

Matter of fact – why do i even try?

Like I said

I was honestly just simply trying to do good

Make a choice that might someday result in some next guy having a slightly better life

And maybe – one day someone, might just remember me

For one tiny good deed?

But right now it’s hard to see if even one of these steps might be right

I’m so deep in this hole I cant barely see light

So why fight?

Then someone hands me a letter

It says

Dear you (me)

I am them, him her, everybody, every conversation you didn’t here and every situation you didn’t see

I just want you to know while you’re stuck in the whole - you gave me a foot up so I could roll

And, you didn’t fail school

You might not have the grade

but you stood tall and brave and

Learned from mistakes

And moved on

That time you said “you should listen to this song?”

Well - that helped

That time you lent me £2.40, to me that was big, it was sharing wealth

I see its hard where your living

Knowing somehow your trying but just not fitting

But when I was that guy I want you to know, you helped me and gave me a hand

Writing to me, helped keep me sane

Visiting me, blew my brain

Those kind words didn’t go unheard

They helped me play the game

look

I know the roads tuff

But

Like you say

Son, keep ya head up

Even though you can’t see

keep climbing and think of me

be sure - You’re doing enuff!

Matter of fact a little too much

Learn from your mistakes, don’t let them define you

Don’t worry about what people think and looking kool

Do what YOU do.

It doesn’t go unnoticed

Don’t! Throw this

Roll with this

Go with this

Work on this

When it gets hard don’t quit

Pray hard and learn from it

So next time you don’t make the same mistake with it

Trust me

You got this

But that thing you said - about the girls and the idiot guys........yeah, I know what you’re saying, I cant answer it?????

Redemption

2011-01-19T10:54:00.001-08:00

Re·demp·tion

1. The act of redeeming or the condition of having been redeemed.

2. Recovery of something pawned or mortgaged.

3. The payment of an obligation, as a government's payment of the value of its bonds.

4. Deliverance upon payment of ransom; rescue.

5. Christianity Salvation from sin through Jesus's sacrifice.

As we sit in the visiting room after an hour or so of catching up, I look over to the window. The skyline provides that amazing winter sunset, the type when whole sky for as wide as your eyes stretched out is a mash up of pinkie orangie blue colours. Highlighting the putting an end to the light, and signalling a changes.

It’s only been 3 months and there’s only one to go, yet 4 weeks inside can seem like a life time on the out. Yet what these four walls can provide is something the world often miss’s. Time! To reflect, read, indulge your mind (for better or worse)

The true tails of Nicky Cruz, tony Anthony and such have obviously had an impact.

It’s hard to say when we first met, I remember sitting outside a prayer house in Essex a little to bemused to go in, yet as we sat outside with hot chocolate and his screwed up brow told of how much he was thinking about it all, I remember the hours of prayer and walking in circles around his house, I remember tea and problems shared at home, I remember bars slew in the garage. Scrapping smoking and messy stuff lead here, yet hope is what we leave with today.

That opportunity is for everybody, that time is a great healer and that redemption is there for the taking. If you want it bad enough and if your man enough to submit to it.

But my hand was made strong
By the hands of the almighty
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly

Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom
'cause they all I ever had
Redemption songs, redemption songs Bob Marley

the music man

2011-01-16T12:23:00.000-08:00

He gives out a shout ,

To all those that’s out

To friends, neighbours, and family ties

Its been a little while since we all dun sat together
Traded music stories and laughed together
The old man stands in the room, in the middle
Frayed sting for a belt tied around his middle

He shoes done walked for a fair few years

And his old flat cap mopped up a fair few tears
Till all of them came over
Rakia poured out till they just pass sober

All the kids run round man and cant sit down

Cuz they just spread the word round town

Come to ours its the one by the factory that’s falling down

The music mans back and he’s learned a few new sounds

He brought back a pal and they made a band

Hes got

old skool rugged working hands

That shook hands with plenty good and a few bad man

sat an sieved a while through times old sands

Yet hear he stands

Hold up his hands

Ushers a lill quite from the folk around

Then warms up his tired old trumpet hands

Prepares to play a riff on the trumpet

it’s the music man

And its the trumpet passed down from man to man,

He picked up from his very own old man

The one who’s picture hangs on the wall right now

And resides over all that goes down

And in the room right now,

Not but a few bits a change to rub together between all the fam

But none of that matters coz up he stands

And calls for quiet

“Its been a long time since we last sat down,

Since I walked the streets of our fair village and round

since then I sat in a fair few seats

And these two old ears picked up on plenty beats

And these old shoes have seen 1000’s a streets

I sat

In the back

Of a flat back truck

With my trumpet wedged between two pigs and a duck

Crossed 18 borders and never got stuck

Trains and boats and hitch hiked much

Dubrovnik ta Prague to the red light Amsterdam

To the city of seven hill I came rolling down

Stepped in the Vatican city and they kicked me out coz the sound of my trumpet was well to loud

I blew tunes at the royal opera house,

You know that road out the back where they all catch the cabs

Jus me my trumpet and some change sat in the bottom of my old flat cap.

From the east where we all sit now

To the west, where they can’t sit down

just to listen to a music man

I would stand on the corner trumpet in hand

And play a grove so deep it would knock you down

Most couldn’t stop so they just keep walking,

Walking and talking

Talking and talking bout business meetings

and business seating, and business evenings

and they were so busy they couldn’t meet the next big meeting

but

on occasion

someone would stop,

not a lot

but someone would stop

forget about all they stuff and just watch

as a I clinched my trumpet that was way too warn out

to the tune of time

man I blazed it out

Playing the tunes that we would all dance to

The time honoured rhythms that our parents moved to

The sound of a world so far away

The language was hard but we had much to say

I couldn’t say
So I just let the trumpet play

it spoke of peace, and freedom

His business suite told of freedom long gone

His briefcase said Ill do whatever it takes

And his wallet says I carefully calculate

Every move I make

And even thought he was late

He slowly said I work a job I hate,

And this business man he said I’ve made too many mistakes

But trumpet kept on playing a sound

That said you can still be that man,

And that dream you once had but put away for the plans

Well my man maybe now’s the time

All of a sudden there back in that same old room

6 x 8 doorstep covers in shoes

Nobody can move

Too many bodies to move

They all stare at the music man they eyes glued

As he reached down to his warn out black bag

A boy shout

"Is that it?”, but he just laugh’s

In flash man just pulls it out

That beaten broken warn out trumpet

One that’s seen forever and came back just to re work it

Next to him,

his friend he met in the west

But this time he’s not wearing his business best

Torn jeans and a shirt open over a vest

And those shoulders that held up a world of stress

Now hold the frame of a man that’s blessed

Out the bag he picks up an 18 year old clarinet

And the pair prepare for the world’s greatest duet

Their eyes catch for moment how could they forget

transported to the corner on which they first met

A pavement that so many miles from here

Business man’s eyes fill with a heartfelt tear

Coz

Thing, they aren’t the same round here

Yet people smile as the sun goes down round here

The room erupts in anticipation clear

And music man says.

Listen here.............

can you help?

2010-11-22T14:49:00.000-08:00

His face?

My eyes found hard to recognize at first

Although we’d spoken often.

It’d been a while since I caught his gaze

Felt like I’d been trying often

But, I got caught up

He looked solitary, in the distance

I thought maybe He spoke so I tried hard to listen

But the words were missin

He just gave that same old same old

Tip back ‘e the head

He wanted me to follow, but no words were said

We paced the darkest landscape as yet unknown to me

And then he stopped

And dropped

Down to the floor, moving much quicker than before he fell some distance

He threw his hands into the mixture

Mess, ash, dust and sand

And there he sat, for time

Yet time stood by

Perfectly – still

With an age he rose, tall as a skyscraper cutting the horizon in two

Then he reached down and opened his hands and whispered

“hold out ya hands, don’t back out now”

“I can’t there too small they can’t hold nothing at all, that’s all gonna fall....”

“Shhhhhhhhhh.....” his words echoed like scriptures, spoken not yet

“You have wot you need

You got it from me

And the cost I paid myself too

So please

Take these pieces from me

And help me put them back together.........”

The training ground

2010-11-15T15:14:00.001-08:00

Days, weeks months. We spent sitting, listening, praying. At times it was dull to be honest. At times it didn’t make sense, at times we were board. Wanting desperately to be out in the world making disciples but being seemingly ... waiting....learning.....

Dreams were shared, hearts were stirred. We desired, we hungered, and we yearned for the opportunities. My heart ,at times was desperate for those around.

Encouraged by the glimmers, those tinny glimpses’ of hope, of change, of Jesus.

For a couple of years I lived in the safety of community, reaching out from safety. I loved it, it was great, I found faith, I found friends, I found...... Home.

Then Jesus said”go.... leave your friends and family and go....”

“You say you wanna serve? You say you wanna help me? Ok follow me”...... Seems simple right?

Switch

I sit around a table, of lives so far for my understanding of life that it’s hard to see any amount of impact this little life could have. In my diary I have a list of 5 times the number in front of us again, all in that same desperate place.

So now what?

I sat and learned at the feet of the greatest of all teachers. It’s hard to remember all of it but slowly, it seems that it was time spent well.

After an initial introduction of overwhelming proportions. Now is the time. This is what you’ve been preparing for.

So give me those rhythms, book me into those prayer slots, refresh my understating of truth. Let me recall those war cries of prayer mission and justice, remind me of all those times I said “out there is where we need to be” Coz out here, it seems a lot harder than I thought it might, Yet, all things considered, although I have no idea wot I’m doing. For some reason, it still seems right.

Desperation Vs Hope

2010-10-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

As the night began to close in, having just had to be wrenched apart from an integral member of our team. We entered the landscape once more. Blendi expertly negotiated the ‘Rruga e Keq’ perfectly and we arrived ‘home’ It was the same, but different. It’s been a year since I had been here and that year had been kind, each day revealed a new development, a new building or a new restaurant that has been filled. Kosova is still defiantly on the up. Having been well fed with the food I had become familiar with, we took the long walk to church (down the stairs) It’s amazing the difference. Some old friends but also some of the empty seats reveal the harsh reality of what it takes to follow Jesus into the unknown. Some have faded, some have work, some have slept in. Yet there was the ever present sense of resilience, thanks giving and hope. We sang, we didn’t know the words, we heard people calling out their prayer, we didn’t understand but we knew who the called to, who they sang to, so as in those ancient days. ‘the believers were in of one heart and mind’ We talked about, family, Love and home. We were blown away by a testimony of prayer in action by one Mr C, Fitzpatrick.

The rest of the trip lead us a little deeper, a trip to Colonia , distributing food to poor (poor and poorer) families, meeting people in desperation. I always struggle with the concept of ‘mission tourism’ you know just looking at poverty, just observing rather than reaching in to try and help people out of it? I don’t know, its still a massively humbling privilege to be in such an environment, to see the resilience that a life of struggle gives, and to see the solid trust in God. Silver and gold we don’t have but what we have...........

Let me paint you a picture that sums up the trip.

So we cross the newly refurbished border from kovova to Albania, passed the immediately intrusive military pillboxes that abruptly interrupt the beautiful landscape. We take the single lane road over the wooden bridge (that’s is amazingly still there) over the electric blue mountain river and on, on into the bare face harshness of northern Albanians’ bandit country Barum Curri!!!! This is Albania!

You can’t help but get a feeling of hardness, a hardness of the country, a hardness in the eyes of the people and the hardness of the reality of life in such a bleak place. We head to a typical post communistic looking apartment block we head up the concert stairs being careful not to fall out of the gaping holes where the windows once sat. The battering rain presents the backdrop of a situation that is as pressing as the weather. We sat in a room of a family of typical standard with a girl who is anything but typical. Martina, works with a charity for the disabled, is involved in leadership at the church, and is in the process of applying to Oxford university in the UK! But believe it or not these things are not what struck me most. As we sat and heard her story I innocently asked what the main challenges that faced the church in Barum Curri, expecting to hear of difficult people, lack of finance, poverty and complaints. But this was the surprising response that stopped me in my track

“with God there are no problems, with him we know that anything we face will we will be able to overcome”

Oh,

I didn’t know what to say, even in our comparative luxury in the UK we can always find reason or grounds to discuss hardship or problem, yet here, not so many miles, but in comparative terms a gazillion miles away from all we know we here a story of such faith such belief that literally stops us in our tracks.

I think This time was about family, friends and future. We had a great time with friends, we felt like family together with us, together with our friends and brothers and sisters. And we dreamed of the future, a future that would see people being helped to help themselves. With a few idea in tow we too began to have a hope, that there is a way.

I left Kosova this time feeling sooooo different than a year ago. I was a little less emotional but no less attached. I think even more inspired (if that’s possible) by the creative ways that victory church continue to reach into the dark with a massive flaming torch to lead people out. I was deeply moved by the routine that remains, prayer day (yes!!!), bible study, children’s meetings, aid relief distribution, church meeting, guitar lessons, driving lessons, looking after the tourists (ha), and still finding time to have fun and enjoy God and relationships.

Keep Kosova in your prayers. Unity in Gjkavoa, continuation in the incredible work that goes on! The church in Barum Curri that will really need more constant support i think, Chris and Loraine who are moving from England to develop a drug and alcohol awareness/education program around Kosova.

Oh and one Mr C Fitzpatrick who had, quote “the best time of my life” wot more can I say

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMLzOcn2gq4

Apathy

2010-10-03T10:56:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me wot it is thats drivin me?
Asked about the passion that keeps pushing me
Above all else and any other part of me
Above all I think I’d like to think and see
The biggest drive that sits inside of me sometimes is simply
Apathy
The lack of drive to see beyond of me
Beyond wot lays in front of me
Beyond the notion that’s there more to see then the just wot lays in front of me
Yet I posses a very unhelpful reality
Of an inherent ability
to simply
Switch off

Before it all gets too much

And Sure,
the worlds ruff
And we face the daily enormities and faceless non-conformities of the way we think it ought to be
And distant lands suffer at the hands of injustice and in equality
Dyeing of diseases that rarely bother me
And although they sometimes catch up and tug on a certain part of me
Still that ever present reality of wot is directly in front of me
Slowy eats away at me
And wot I physically have to see
And so
I switch off

And watch
A little more MTV

And feel a little better
About the world

And unplug form sociology
And recharge and indulge my own deepest darkest sense of apathy
And the fact that a world doesn’t exists out there unless I can see it right in front of me
So instead I watch re runs of sitcoms and feel Safe in my existence
As long as I don’t give in, and let the desire to think, kick in?

my man continued

2010-09-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

I saw my man in the light a day today
Mate, wot can I say

From what I saw I’m sure I’m sure he looked a little different from before
He’d lost the hood.
He’s really trying hard to be good
He’s out trying the straight road (with a few minor detours) but its a long road.

And this time round coz I could see his face he didn’t look so mean in fact

He even smiled for me
And I’m sure a saw a little twinkle
In his eye

He looks happy, he’s doing fine
So I can tick him off my list............

I got a call this morning
My mans been taken in again
I’m not sure I’ll see him for a while
That corners gonna be quiet for now........

Wot next???????............

Let's Eat!!!

2010-09-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

About 3 years ago (maybe even more) I walked into a house that called itself ‘a boiler room’ I didn’t really have any idea what that meant other than they prayed. But that wasn’t the draw. They also had free food!!!!!! Yeah bwoy!!!!!

Thus my inauguration into something that has become an integral part of my life. Community meals, house meals, community dinner, eating together, sharing hospitality. I guess you could say I have been around this since young. I remember my parent once making a new year’s resolution to invite someone from the church (someone they didn’t know so well) every month for an entire year. I think they did it.

From those humble beginnings I have shared food, and faith over many a dinner table. From David and Peters collection of organic Christians in Seattle, to the historic site of Herhut Germany with an American worship leader, echo’s of Suzanna’s “You want to do community? Well start by getting a bigger table” echoed in my ears at the ‘scum of the earth’ community meal or in Kosova sharing a simple meal that had taken 4/5 hours to prepare with my friend Erfon (Fonni) with whom I could exchange very little in the way of spoken conversation.

All these experiences have been rich, even this weekend I have enjoyed sharing community dinner with my new family in Colchester. However today’s outing was different. As I sat around the table with 4 guys, 4 guys that have had it ruff, that the world has given up on and would prefer if they were locked up for good, I couldn’t help but feel like they all deserved the best dinner ever. As we shared our ‘best’s’ and ‘worst’s’ of the week. I began to wonder if a simple community meal, as in Jesus’ time, really did communicate something of the Good news of Jesus.

Monday night = community meal night, long may they continue. Long may the gospel of peace grace and forgiveness flow through them. Amen

Just for a little nostalgia
http://squeezeitlikealemon.blogspot.com/2009/09/just-get-bigger-table.html

Breakfast revelation

2010-09-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

So one week down. First week Left to our own way of thinking and working and dealing and meeting and... Well you get the picture.
Its tuff it’s challenging, it’s hard, the tails are brutal at times, heart warming on occasions but heart breaking mostly. I have also embarked on a mission to find the best breakfast on Colchester. If you would like to join me in my quest please feel free to contact me.

Today we sat in the prayer room before boiler room lunch and this guy asked me “what are you thankful for” the first response was easy “Jesus” I guess in a prayer room that’s often the first thing that springs to mind. The next was Tina, but I didn’t feel like it was the right time and place to share that story with my new finely (again) So I thought for a while and I said “to be able to do something” You know it’s such a privilege to be able to do something for the Boss.
Yeah I don’t really know what I’m doing, most of the time the stories seem too much, the offer of a cup of tea seems all too small. But what a privilege to be in a place to do something, something that God has been preparing you for.

I sat with my pal Jonsie for breakfast at the weekend and as we chatted about the coming year and the possibilities and we had to laugh. We had to laugh remembering that at that very moment 2 years previous we had just embarked on an adventure that would though us into God and out into the world. To be honest if we had talked about the things we casually chatted about over breakfast then (two years ago) it would have been ridiculous. But now having trusted even not knowing how what or even why. I felt SOOO privileged to not just look back, but to look forward too.

I just read this last week

Romans 4-5 (the message) But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift.

So better get trusting some more ay?

Thank you to everyone that has asked.

2010-09-03T15:41:00.001-07:00

Just so you know!

Colchester is really good thanks. I arrived at the Colchester Boiler Room on Tuesday evening with a wealth of memories and good times in tow. Greeted by the delightful Smiths I received a larger bedroom that I have ever had before in life (I think if i hide in the corner I won’t have to move out ever)

I have started work with Out4good and really jus been shadowing this amazing guy Pete. It’s been great to see how he deal with the guys involved the organization and the networks involved. As we drove I was inspired by his story of life and faith and deeply challenged. Do we Do enuff with what we have???? A question for another day.

We have spent a great few nights with the smiths, and a few boiler room folks eating and sharing a little life together.

Next week see the first ‘Propa’ week of work as Pete is away and we will be fending for ourselves!!!!!!

Normal stuff, but its about to get interesting.

Thanks Colchester.

On another Note, everyone has asked about my new and beautiful Fiancé. Its great to talk about her and our future BUT hard to be apart. (we are hoping and praying we can see each other at Christmas)

Get involved

2010-09-03T15:32:00.000-07:00

Today I sat round a table with a Muslim Imam and head of ‘multi faith needs’ a church of England Female prison Chaplin, a prisoner and some social workers. All trying to work together for the benifit of a young life.

Interesting day at the office

JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-31T15:52:00.000-07:00

Wow. Time fly’s. Not but 2 years ago I was just about to leave a job and jump into the unknown!!!! What a jump it was, from Grays to Orsett to Stanford and into transit. From Transit to Kosova, to Turkey to Uk and back to Kosova, across Europe into a more scary adventure. Then the biggest and best of all to America.

Ever stand and take in a landscape? I took a trip through the cascade mountains 2 weeks ago with my beautiful Fiancé Tina. We were able to see some amazing views. Today as I sat and prayed in the park it was like God showed me the landscape of life. Massive stretching mountains, hills deep deep valley’s, streams lakes rives and seas. Then my feet. It like he was saying “just check out the beauty of it all!!!!, I hold all this together, but look! (As the camera sweeps across the vast expansive view right down to the floor in front) I gave you 2 feet to walk it. Sometimes you’ll be up there, others....down there. But through it all I take as much care of you as I did putting it all together in the first place.

Today I took another leep. From all I know, all the friends I’ve made over the biggest part of life, from the foundations that have been built and from all the things that I have known to be home. To the next step. Out into the wild...... well into Colchester at least. Into a new community, a new family (not naturally) and a new job/focus. I get scared quit easy but at this point I feel like Im well in the right place. And if the journey has taught me anything so far it that he is right there with you all the way.

‘Sometimes it’s not so much about the destination but the journey that takes you there’?

3.....,2......1.......jump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets see whats out there?!

was, is and will be

2010-08-27T14:51:00.000-07:00

Ahh, I’m not sure if anyone still read this, but I do update every now and then. Mainly big things or seemingly spiritual highlights. But to be fair isn’t all of life worth celebrating?

So this is about airing out my inner thoughts and my take on the ‘was’ ‘is’ and ‘will be’

So I’m in Calgary airport (for a 7 hour stop over) Nice. I just left Seattle Washington and my most favourite girl in the world. I have just spent the best 6 weeks ever with my then girlfriend, now fiancé. WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO. Yes! Over the course of the summer I did propose and against all advice she may have had and all the right responses she may have given she agreed to marry me.

I just wanted to say what a great time we have had over this past summer.

It’s been amazing. Letting someone in so close to your life they have to see all that goes with it. Sometimes good sometimes bad, often just normal. Normal we have been, shopping, cooking, walking, eating holidaying, messing about, praying, visiting, meeting people, discovering new places, finding church and generally just doing life. May here and now say ‘life is MUCH better shared!’

It’s been the best, regardless to what anyone says I found America, nice, friendly, welcoming (welcome welcome Darren) fun and exciting. I loved meeting people, working and living.

Highlights include – being able to be part of the work at Recovery Cafe. Nero!!!!!!!! Camping like a propa outdoors person. Driving through the mountains listening to adventures in odyssey. Sharing my journey, the journey of 24-7 prayer and of the boiler room at 217 with the guys at ‘scum of the earth’ church. Meeting Rob Gregerson. The Goon docks!!!!!! A.k.a Astoria Oregan. Voodoo Doughnuts. Meeting and getting to hand out with some kool folks, John, Tiff, Jenn, Jess, Ronald, Zach, Liz Darren, Friendly Jeff, Caleb and David & Peter. But most of all just time spent with Teenie.

Oh yeah and getting engaged too. That was fun

So here I sit, in an airport on the brink of change. I feel like I left something behind! I did, she is wonderful, beautiful and the most precious person. Yet torn as we are we both embark on what we know God is leading us into for the next year (wow a year seems sooooo long)

I have great memories of the ‘was’. The year that was, transit, the boys, a life of prayer outworked in mission. The summer that ‘is’ and had tragically just come to an end. The connection of hearts, the life shared the plans planed and the future dreamed of. And I look forward, hard as it may be, to the ‘will be’, the year ahead full of its challenges and excitement. Prayer community, out4good, new family and friends (not forgetting any old ones of course) And the will, will be. Life together with one incredible Christine Elizabeth Aurand (one day Lawton)

Here’s to you ‘will be’ and all you may hold. I pray that the ‘will be’ God holds is the one I walk into. Amen

Be love!!!!!!

2010-08-05T23:59:00.000-07:00

Steve, an apostle of Jesus the Christ on a journey of finding faith in the strangest of places.

To all the saint of the church of Transitier, to Gods elected representatives, strangers in this world yet with a deep rooted hope. Those that have been, or are about to be scattered far and wide to spread this gospel of love.

May grace and peace be with each one of you as you embark on this journey of life that is constantly being unfolded before you.

Much time has passed since we gathered together at the forming ground of Corritunesis, in the land of Essexaliea. Often we pray for you, never once thinking that you are incapable yet always understanding that God does nothing but in response to prayer.

Times have changed since we were last together and life has seen us all stretching out into the great unknown. But let it be known unswervingly my dear friends that none of us are in this alone. As the body we are connected to each other and the Christ himself. If you are ever in need please, do not hesitate to ask for prayer and of course keep constant dialogue with the farther, who is always looking out for you ready to get involved, at your request.

Brothers and sisters, the road is hard and fraught with dangers, yet let us never become tired of doing the good works he has at hand for us. Each day you rise begin by inviting him in, cultivating that relationship that we all long for that bond of farther and son/daughter.

Please, even though at times it may be hard, never let the word of God depart from you it is your life line, your incite into a loving farther and his longing to interact with his children. Hold on to it, you don’t know how blessed and privileged you are to have it in your hands.

Family, Love people, until you feel you have nothing left to give, than love some more. Let this be what defines you. Your love for one another, and not just those you like.

Waist yourself on Gods work, Sometimes it will seem pointless, who loves cleaning toilets or picking up litter, But it is SO important in the building of the kingdom to come. Some may laugh and accuse you of wasting your life, I say what better way to waste yourself than at the mercy of God, directly responding to the needs around you.

Look for beauty in everything and everyone, this will help as you seek to live as an act of worship.

Keep on growing, in this kingdom, you never get too tall. Keep on learning, your never realise how little you know until you learn something new.

Listen to Gods heart beat, pick it up, use it to build in a rhythm of life that both works practice and is in line with your farther.

Friends, there is more I would like to share yet I fear there would not be enough paper to write it down on.

Don’t forget where you came from, not because you going back but because it will help you determine where you are going.

Live generously, hope undoubtedly, pray persistently, and speak boldly, but never prideful, keep calm, there’s always time to take a breath.

But most of all, Love, love from the gut, love those who are loved and those who have never even so much as heard the word let alone understand it. You are loved, so be love.

I pass on heartfelt greetings from our dear friend Christine, she wishes you all well and hopes to visit soon (I hope so too)

May this love that we have heard so much about consume you. Until our time comes,

May Peace and love stay with you.

Perfect love drives out all fear???

2010-07-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

When you were little did you dream of anything, doing something, being something? Did you get there???

When I was little I really wanted to be having fun, running about with other kids, but there were certain thing that I was just too scared to do. I’m not talking about jumping off diving boards I’m talking little things, putting your hand up in class, I was too scared to get something wrong. Going swimming coz I wasn’t very good at it, Volunteering to do things, coz I was scared I didn’t know what would happen or who I would have to do it with.

When I a bit older I didn’t really want to get into drugs (I don’t think) I just was scared about not fitting in with anyone and if I didn’t do what they were doing I wouldn’t have friends and I wouldn’t have fun.

When I was about 13 I heard Jumping Jack frost on kiss 100 play ‘Candles’ by Alex Reece, a little while later I heard Eksman and Herbsy on cindicutt fm. I was hooked. I wanted to be a drum and bass MC, so I started my journey, listening ,imitating, reciting, writing, recording and mastering my style. I had so many opportunities to make a go of it. BUT I was scared, scared of what people would think, scared of the pressure, scared I Would actually make it then I would have to really be good all the time, so I bottled out loads of times, or I didn’t even try.

It took about 8 years to make it from the bedroom decks to the airwaves of 90.8, and even then it wasn’t till a good friend got on that I was able to follow that dream. I loved it and I’m truly grateful to God and my pal for that, but I couldn’t help thinking of all the times I could of pushed to be there earlier. I’m sure the timing wasn’t right, but there were so many opportunities that I could have reached for but didn’t. I was scared, scared that I wasn’t good enough.

I’ve carried that a lot through life. I’ve been a fearful guy. I don’t mean to be, and most of the time I don’t think I am, but subconsciously I cover it “Na I’m not gonna do that coz I haven’t got time” “Na I don’t think this is the right thing at the moment” “I’m just gonna let someone else do that” Now to be fair all these reasons are right, at a time, but all the time????

The Bible say’s ‘..perfect love drive out all fear!’, So, fear isn’t from God right? But what if you’re scared.? “Be bold and courageous, DO NOT BE AFRAID”

I’m in love, I can’t say it’s perfect love coz that comes from God himself, but, in being in this relationship I can see glimpses of God’s love. That gentle hand that guides at times, but also that strong voices that says, “will you trust me?, will YOU go there for me, I know you don’t know where or even how you will get their BUT, will YOU go for me?”. I like to think I’ve learned a lot about trusting God this past 2 years and I’m sure I have I really have, BUT I have also always had a back up. These days I don’t have a back up. All that has kinda been used. So now, it’s about trust. Bare naked trust. And it scares me.

The most influential MC I ever heard when I was young was a guy called Fearless. Ironic, now 10 years or more on, that I only just realised that maybe he had more than just crowd hyping skills to teach me.

I love God, and I want to do whatever he has lined up, I love to dream, and I have some things that I believe God birthed in me, many years ago that I really would love simply to try, to trust, to see, and to do to bring glory to God, to celebrate that gift he has put in me, but have never pushed coz well, I was too scared of failing, and never believed in myself.

But figure God is like a Dad right?

I remember learning to ride a bike, my Day would hold the bike up steady, get in balance, walk beside me as I rode, all the while saying “you’re doing well keep going, you’re going to get it, well done, you’re doing great” sometimes it would work, sometimes I would fall flat on my face, but if I did, he would pick me up, dust me off and still say “well done son lets have another go”

I think today via the voice of a prophetess, and out of love, God dusted off some old dream and said son, do you trust me?

Do you trust God enough to dream????? I’m still learning. Do you think you ever really get it?

OK guy's, Lets shake it ALL out now.

2010-07-23T00:24:00.000-07:00

So Ive been in America for over a week. IT WAS WICKED TO BE WITH MY LITTLE LADY. We r simply loving being simply normal, and just appreciating walks in the city, shopping, cooking dinner and life stuff, ahhhhhhh, it’s nice to breath out for a while.

That being said, America! So it’s like England (at least that’s what they want you to think???) but!

“Hey do i detect and accent there” “Yeah mate” “Don’t tell me.....Austrailian?” “No!”

Do I sound Australian? I don’t think so, I lived with someone from Australia but my common folk Essex slang, I think is pretty clearly English? I don’t know.

So I’m doing a couple days at this place called the Recovery cafe, which let me tell you is amazing. The ethos, the idea the community spirit is wonderful and simple and so deep at the same time.

www.recoverycafe.org do check it out its such a great and positive project. I had a couple of days there but in that short time I heard story after story of how this place is a real life line and a community no a family to those who just don’t have that.

But...being America, and being a place that offers classes for the whole well being of a person there are a few ‘interesting’ classes on offer.

So, picture the scene, we are sitting by the entrance, the class is about to start, one of the managers is chatting to a guy, “hey you should do this class it would be real helpful and fun for you” now this guy don’t wanna do the class, so after the 2 of 3^rd time of asking they are just about to give up when he lets out a “Steve. Ill do it if you do” Now it’s fair to say I don’t have any idea what this class was, but I figure if it help this guy get in there, what is there to lose? “Ok sunshine I’m it if you are”, What’s the worst that can happen? it’s gonna be listening to some motivational self-help, personal development stuff, kool I’m all about that.

NO, no it isn’t, ‘interplay’, is the name of the class – and there will be NO sitting and listing here people

“Ok guys, today we are going to experiment with our bodies and our voices, let’s just see how we can connect with our inner selves”

“Ok guys let’s just be loose and shake it all out, come on now don’t be tight, just shake it out, really you can do this any time, just shake your body all over to release all the tension of the day”

“ok lets all make a note from our mouths together, this is one way we can be connected as people”

“ok let all make a different note with our voices, this is one way we can all be individual”

“I think its so kool that by simply allowing our hands to dance we can become so much free’er of all the pressures of the world”

Yes my friends this was a real class. My goodness. So as we left that same lady came to me and this fella, and said so was it fun, he smiled and looked at me and said throw gritted teeth Mmmm thanks Steve. Ha ha, to be fair most people in the group did find it helpful and beneficial. Each to their own I guess, or more to the point we are all different parts of the same body right? I guess the hand isn’t so impressed by a beautiful painting as the eye is right?

Ah America, world apart yet best pals? To be fair I do love it here, I love driving on the wrong / right side of the road, I love that people are so friendly that the guy in front of us in the market que offered us a lift home, I love the accent, I love the enthusiasm but most of all i simply love being here with someone special.

Ill keep ya posted.

cafe del mar sunset and an incredible God

2010-05-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

The warmth has gone

The light lays hidden behind the unexpected mist

The melodic soulful ambiance creates the backdrop to the ever-present air of expectance

We all exercise a degree of forced patience

One solitary fisherman patrols the vast expanse and almost seems

Insignificant

In comparison to the ocean

The backdrop moves in slow motion

Eyes patrol in the same direction

And give a subtle impression

That we are all people

Of expectance

Yet for my in experience

My heart beats just a little faster

For what it is for which we wait

Waiting and watching, watching and waiting

All aware

but know one saying

Yet we all sit

And watch

the same

Some every day folk

Some Day to day folk

Some claiming celebrity status

Some just here to play folks

Yet we all sit and wait

The same

The colours blend to create

And to paint

An undisputed masterpiece

Naturally made

As if pinned of hung from 4 corners

the largest piece of priceless artwork freely on display

And it shows its self today

as every other day

Without fail

Many things brought us here today

Different circumstances will create the crowd

And different ones will create it again in a different way the following day

But for today

For this specific moment

Of this specific day and point in history

For this specific display

It is here and now.

That we wait

Wots the difference in this miss matched rag tag band of unusual characters

That have gathered from far and wide

but all looking in the same direction?

All looking the same way

As the sun sets

Its as if the maker

Is sitting back with arms folded and with a little smirk as if to say

“wot more can I say”

The difference I guess

That someone took the time to explain to others

Why it is that the sun fades

And wot happens to it the next day

And how to operate when the day is claimed

by the dark

And someone told them how to explain

To the next person,

In the hope that they would take the opportunity to do the same

So we all sit here again

Different

Yet in some sense

The same

And we wait

For the end of the day

John 1 v 1-5

2010-03-12T03:36:00.000-08:00

From the start it seemed to start with me

I say me from in the 3^rd degree

He in they and they insidea me

That’s simply where it started see

We exist in perfect harmony

The embodiment of community

For some the simplicities hard to see

Coz I am him and he is me

All things created came from me

Nothing made apart from me

I stood hand in hand with the creator

I watched the joy it brought to make ya

In unity we stand together

Before time and space and earth and weather

I’m with you as we take this journey together

I wasn’t a 2^nd thought

I wasn’t a last resort

I wasn’t what happened when we got caught

Out, to form a way back in

I was in him from the very beginning

This is the truth I came to bring

The joy of which I’m living in

The salvation for a world of sin

But hold on, we’ll get to that part lata

Who I am is simply life itself

It doesn’t come with position status or wealth

It lays hidden deep inside yourself

In a dusty box up on the top shelf

The one you can’t quite reach yourself

But you know it’s there

Sometimes you don’t see it there

But deep inside you know it’s there

It seems to just elude your stare

Sometimes you even forget it’s there

Or it gets covered up

And left

But what I have

I’ve come to share

It sits deep inside the guts of me

It’s been there for eternity

It’s the light by which we all can see

It outshines the dark around you see

Nothing gets away from me

It hides but the light will find it, and blind it

And that’s when you truly see

It burns with deep intensity

It’s what all creation longs to see

It shines for all eternity

It’s what will bring you back to me

It’s what can’t be stopped

It’s what can’t be hidden in a box

time ticks

2010-03-12T03:34:00.000-08:00

Time ticks

But

Clocks don’t stop..

One headphone offers the spoken word of Gill Scott Heron

And I too wonder ‘where did the night go’

Carefully avoiding yesterdays reminence on the pavement

Misplaced investments and modern day enslavements

That’s when I saw him

He was older than times gone past

But seemed younger at a second glance

Time had took its toll on him

But he seemed to take it

Simply

But

He seemed to have some kinda of iner-glow that eluded, being extinguished

It seemed to BE the core of him

I didn’t say a word, but somehow

He saw within

He recounted times past long before

I had to smile as we toured

Significant moments large and to some seemingly small

But to me not at all

From that small blond haired boy, with not a care in the world

To a family upbringing, not bad at all

Then suddenly he stopped

And looked up

In the back of his eyes formed tears

That had stayed there for years longing to be cried

But never found there time

He saw the kid with the faded baseball cap

Zoot in hand spittin drum and bass chat

Telling stories of how he’s all that

But really

He was just lost

He been pointed in the right direction on the right path

But in distraction he’d got lost

And the saddest part of history recounted

Was that he didn’t even know it

This man then looked up at me

With a look of vague intensity

Not so much offering a word to me

Then conversed with something deep within me

He knew where i’d been

And as if a concept seldom seen

Somehow, he’d been there too

His overcoat told a story

Of too many night

Under stars and street lights

His shoes had seem a 100 miles

Ontop of that 1000 miles

And 1000 more still to come

He had more miles to walk, more needs done

His eyes

They spoke with intensity

Of depth and clarity of real life

He took me back to place’s and times

That i didn’t even remember or couldn’t find

In my

Mixed up confused battered over time mind

He said “you don’t remember these coz these ones you tried to hide”

These pictures hurt

They spoke of negativity and no sense of self worth

They unleashed the beast of fear of failing

Uncovered the whole of rejection I often fell in

The dark began to sink in

As I sunk into these memories and feelings

I couldn’t stand, so on this guy I’m leaning

It’s like these times were standing screaming

But with one hand firmly planted on my shoulder

His drawn face seemingly older

Penetrated the stone cold

And told

Another side to the story

He guided me through it slowly, in vivid detailed imagery

Though all were distant memories

He showed me, so I could see

This guy

Standing right beside of me!

His over coat this time was slightly more tidy

The shoes he rocked, far less grimy

But the eyes that now see inside of me

Still pierced with the same level of intensity

As they did that very day

As i drifted

He followed

as i shifted

he pulled

but i ignored

he waved

but i never saw

but he never left

Na......never

Now here we sit in a darkened ally on a shop step

Heads a mess

Full of sorrow and regret

He say

“hold on, let’s not go there yet”

Then he hands an envelope over

I open it eagerly

With hope to think of what it might just be

Then that excitement drifts away from me

When I screwed up blank piece of paper is all that lays in front of me

“This is the way of the path less travelled”

He utters eagerly as if to breathe some life into me

“I don’t get it, are you joking me?”

Then in the truest ever sense of the saying in exact Jack Bower style and fashion, he say’s “you just gotta trust me”

At once I’m struck with the immense se-realness of the situation

That’s been unfolding and how ridicules it all seems

And that just seems to make him smile

I look at the paper again

The first steps appear

As I walk forward

More seem to be reviled

Turnings appear

I took a right

Then the map seemed to slowly recount my steps

To the place I just left

But the lessons I learned help me make the decision

And i feel far less stressed and at this point I take a left

Now it took a few years

To get from there to hear

The roads been narrow

But, that’s how it was always gonna be

Sometimes it gets on top of me

But when it does and it seems to much for me

I take a glance to the other side to see

To that same guy

Who’s always there with me

The green overcoat seems somewhat older

And the shoes have walked plenty more roads

But those eyes

They still look straight at me

And the voice

It still speaks to me

“you just gotta trust me”

AbOvE aLl

2010-02-05T08:45:00.000-08:00

Above all

See the trees sway standing in military lines in the sky ever so tall

Above all

See the blue sky kiss the mountain tops, where the sky starts and the land stops

Above all, Above all

Watch the clouds move effortlessly, incredibly across the vast expanse of sky, before my eyes

Above all

See the air above alight with millions of stars at night and the elimination of the moon

Above All, Above All

My 5 foot 5 frame doesn’t stand particularly tall

Sometimes I feel overshadowed by it all

I wanna climb that mountain and reach the sky

I wanna run under the stars of the clear night sky and reach up to the light above

But I can’t reach

Sometimes the shade of the mountains covers me, from my head to my tiny little feet

But as I walk

I won’t admit defeat

Can’t let this get the better of me

Coz my eyes were opened, so that I could see

I may have taken some wrong turn but that’s where you found me

So No

I wont let Go

Coz I don’t wanna stay down here bellow

Although, I may be small

Your grace lifts me up

Above it all

Never trust a man with a limp

Coz that man aint done the wrestling

And I can’t tell you that I’m better then

Or that I know any more than the rest of them

Coz I sometimes find my feet again

But all too quick I lose my stance again

And on something’s I am still wrestling

But I’m seeking out the best and then

Making myself less

So hopefully there’ll be less mess

Then you can all that’s left

And that’s where I find rest

And where I’m truly blessed

I use a pen to paint a picture

Deep rooted in scripture

And tell you taht your blessed

When you stay on the right path

That was laid out for you to follow

Coz he set you the right way to live

Mind your step

Slow your roll

Keep to the path that’s been set

And there, you can live without regret

Coz I followed the road of righteousness

Then you’ll be blessed

Maybe your feet are small

Maybe you don’t know you call

Maybe you don’t even know him at all

But right hear let me tell you, this is your call

“Come to me, run to me”

“Sometimes it’s a fight but I laid out the road for you to get to me”

“And if you fall I’ll pick you up, dust you off and stand you back up right next to me”

Coz after all

No matter how tuff it gets

Or how you might feel small

His desire is for you to love him

So he can simply love you more

He stands with arms open wide

Waiting

Above all

What do we do when we pray?

2010-01-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

Genesis 18 16 - 33

What do we do when we pray?

Sure, it’s nice and we got plenty to say

And maybe people’ll look at us and be moved and impressed by our seemingly compassionate words

Or how our seemingly broken hearts are portrayed?

But,

Does anything ACTULLY change?

Yeah, I know we talk a good game,

But does God, really hear these feeble attempts, these heartfelt cries, these most basic of words that only just about seem to reflect what we see with or natural eyes?

Maybe

Well

Let me paint you a picture

With a little help from scripture

(And, for the purposes of creating some visual imagery and expressing a little poetic licence, I will play the main part)

So I’m just sitting here

in the heat of the day

Jus lounging coz life’s been running away

The great trees are tall, and I’m loving the shade

But, my days about to change

Then

I’m awoken, by 3 figures in the distance,

This sets my mind skipping

They look like normal men, but there’s something distinctly different

It’s like standing in the presence of greatness

It’s like Gods right here, but he’s not, err well, I can’t really explain this

So I approach, I’m weary and nervous but

These guys seem to posses something that I simply can’t, not be around

Events unfold, stories get told

The likes of which my mind can’t even hold

But as the time comes to a close

The strangers stand to leave

But there’s something in them that seem to just call out to me?

So I follow, confused, but, expectantly

It’s as if....

There’s some kind of job, they have for me?

So we stroll a while and take in the view

The 3 seem to carry a wisdom that I can’t quite comprehend,

it’s in that vibe they send

It’s not shaped by words but by some kind of presence they exude????

They lead me up a narrow hill pass,

And as the evening closes in and the darkness starts to consume all that it sees

As we reach the brink of the hill

The cool of the night brings and uncomfortable chill

The night stands still

We gaze upon the view in front of us

And at the view, we stop

Below us lies the great city

And such pain screams out from the depths of it at such a level it just can’t be missed

Suddenly

As if he’d always been a part of me

GOD himself is standing right beside me

He simply says “I can’t take this”

“There needs to be an end to this”

Then there’s a moment to pause and reflect on the words in silence

A sudden rush fills my insides, and it’s not out of any sense of pride, or to mask any ideas of selfishness that manifest from inside

But as if prompted by some sense that my words could actually make a change

I blurt out some words, like my tongue cant be contained

“This can’t happen” I say

“There must be another way”

What if 50 good people were left in that city today?

Surly those lives are worth something,

No life is worth nothing?

These strong humble words, speak of such faith and hope

Now I’m developing a lump in my throat

Coz, I don’t think I’m done

My faith and compassion are high

And I know I’m not talking to any ordinary guy

And that’s why

I feel I should say

“What if it’s a few less than that number left today?”

And so we go on, back and forth in heated debate

But unlike any bidding was I ever saw

The numbers don’t saw, but fall?

Back to back we let words ignite

And as the evening becomes the daylight

I finish my pledge

Just 10 left

What if just 10 were left

Please

Don’t leave this city for dead

Huh, you’ll never guess what he said....

Then I’m back to the here and now

Same heart, same mind, but living for now

And I’m left high above our own fair town

Right here

right now.

And as I observe with compassion in heart and a bright hope in hand, I begin to relies that I can’t save it.

At times I’d like to but

I can’t save it

But maybe

Dare I even consider?

That perhaps

My prayers could help change it?

Maybe this God can change it?

What if we could stand?

With truth in hand

Compassion in heart for this broken land

And simply ask God, to spare this town?

A rush of faith runs down my spine

I start to consider that these words of mine

Could play some tiny part, in Gods eternal plan.

So now, here I am

Only offering words

Simple words and a hope that God hears them tonight

If all I can do is cry out to you,

For the lives of these people then that’s what Ill dedicate myself to

And maybe you don’t know if it’s gonna work or if these words are true

But please

Put some hope in the same God of the first farther of faith, the first of the jews

And plead with me,

That hope grace and justice, might reign true

My prayer is simple

Your kingdom come

Your will be done

As it is up there,

Down hear let it come

In the lives of ............................(add your own names here)

Please, save our town,

Start in us

Start tonight

And then my mind turns to think

Was it God who’s heart that was turned?

Or was it me who’s only just starting to learn.......?

Who Knows?

2009-12-09T05:36:00.000-08:00

A psalm. (like off of the bible, you know)

Who knows?

Who sees the troubles untold?

Who is it that sees if I wander far from the road, if I’m losing control, not feeding my soul?

Who knows?

Can apathy help me lose my way?

Or, can complacency lead me astray?

Or, lack of time and peace of mind or any distraction of any kind,

Change the way, that I walk today?

Can I run from you?

Can I escape you view?

Can the highest mountain or deepest valley, the darkest shadow or grimiest ally, Keep me, from you?

Surely you know!

Sometimes I don’t even have to say, coz you aware of the untold

And when I’m worried and lost and strayed a lot, counted the cost

You know, coz

With you very hands you laid the road

When I’m lost, you’re the way

When I lose control, your the same

When I’m lost in time, feeling like I lost my mind

You have calming words to say.

“come to me”

“I grant you reat”

“Let me take all of your stuff, and hear, Just, Rest!”

And all I can be is blessed

Amazed at the concept

That among the mess

Among all my distress

You remain

I just have the simplest request

To stay Here,

In you presence

In awe and total reverence

In all situation

I’m left safe in the knowledge of this

That Dry bones CAN live

That in THIS life we WILL see this

That your refuge gives the strength we need

And that your hope is what we seek

And your gift of life is evident in me!

Thank you, from the depths of my soul

More than I can say

Not nearly as much as I owe

But thank you

Because

It’s you who knows.

Amen

lets take a walk

2009-12-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

Take a walk with me if you will

To where the trees sway in the breeze at the top of the hill

At 7 years old I got plenty time to kill

And Pops, he’s found a space in his busy schedule, to teach a new skill

He’s got with him, covered in Denis the Menace black and red stripes

A brand new, shiny kite

A look of hope in his eyes and a promise of flight

But try

Hard as I might, I just can’t see how?

There’s no one to hold it, no one to control it

No arms can be long enough to reach up there and hold it

High in the sky to give an impression of flight

At 7 I trust my dad right, but I’ve got questions

Then,

he takes hold of my cold little hand

And

With all the confidence he can

He stands

Fearless, unwavoured and calm

These are the words he teaches me

“Just coz you can’t see the wind son, doesn’t mean it’s not there”

Look

The way the trees sway, the way the birds play

The way your hairs not quite as tidy as it was yesterday

Trust me!

It’s there

So with the childlike confidence I have in his unrelenting smile and stare

Right there

I believe

At the top of the hill we unwind the string

Anticipation begins, to bubble within

“come on man, let’s just fly this thing”

“Hold on son, just listen”

He carefully talks me through the procedure with care and attention

But Il be honest, it’s not really keeping my attention

I not really listening I just wanna see

This kite flying high in the sky

I feel the wind and I don’t know why

But I

Believe

I believe what it is that he’s telling me

I guess I might have a few reservations

But I trust this guy with no hesitations

So now doubt doesn’t even, get a mention

I’m just griped with the feeling of anticipation

“You run, I’ll hold the string”

“Let’s see if we can’t fly this thing”

3,2,1 and I’m off

No time lost

The wind’s blowing in my face, but I’m shrugging it off

I release my grip at the instructed second

Then

To my complete amazement

We have lift off

Was there ever any doubt?

I’d like to think not

but maybe?

But

how blessed is he?

He who believes?

Before he see’s?

Thank you pops for lessons like these

God thank you I can see you even in the afternoon breeze

I’m taken back to hazy memories of cold afternoons in high up places

That fade all too quickly

But I never lose the breeze

It helps me to believe

It keeps me flying

Gracefully

Faithfully

Blessed, I believe.

set foot ta walk the still darkened streets

2009-11-29T11:59:00.001-08:00

One Night, 6 transit mans dem, One God, 6 pieces of paper, endless lives, lost searching, waiting.........

Set foot ta walk the still darkened streets

The cold and dark of night immediately consume me

Yet we walk, faithfully. Excited but nervously, but about all expectantly

Te recount the events that have just happened

You can’t even imagine, ya see

There’s gold in them there streets. You have to look hard but trust me,

If you listen hard enough you’ll see,

Believe me

Walk with me

And simply

Begin to let go

Of all the thing you think you know

The way you assume it should go

The same old same old standard way you roll

Let him take control

This is the new way ta roll

Don’t worry bout the dark

Don’t worry about the cold

Don’t worry bout the time of night or any type of dress code

Just prepare yourself for your mind to be blow,

We meet this boy out on road

And this is how his story gets told

“You were on that bench, Your wearing white and blue, You’ve got a baseball cap on, Son, Gods been looking for you”

Pause and consider,

Let these words linger

See what it does to your head as you begin to try and figure

“NA BRUV I’m GONE, NA THATS TOO MUCH IM GONE” “Let me see that again” “NA BRUV IM GONE”

He runs off into the night, griped by amazement at the incite,

And he thinks hard with all of his might

That this night

Maybe there just might

Be someone out there,

Someone who actually cares

Then 5 minutes later he re-appears

5 more boys on tow to witness

The utter mystery of this

“Boys come see this, come here and see this”

“Gods stalking me, come see, God, is stalking me”

Ah youngster if only you knew

If only you could understand the passion and intensity in which the living God is actively this moment, pursuing you.

The night advances,

To many odd glances at the introductions of “this might seem a bit weird...”

But in amazement we stand back and witness the way in which the path is clear

By the watering hole, the brave new face of prayer is met head on by the harsh realties of life

The hands it deals the wrongs that don’t seem in line with the rights

And in the midst of what could have been the darkest of nights

In the face of oppression and so close to a fight

A peace flows and the knowledge is evident of some kind of safety in the light

And then, right there

In amongst the brokenness and stares

Is the opening of hearts, the sharing of burdens often too big to share

And right there in the midst of despair,

Someone else pauses to consider

If there might, but someone out there

At one point they didn’t care

Or if they did it got lost in a life of despair

But when its presented on paper so raw and clear

Is it possible there’s some kind of light, amongst the darkness out there?

Is there, maybe, someone out there?

Flash forward to 5am on a park bench, away from the noise of all of them

The darkest sky begins to break

And there’s the sense of a light coming that keeps me fixed on that bench

Considering the night

And the way the story went

The events

I couldn’t even begin to invent

But I’m struck with the realisation that its not all good

And there still is night

A guy I know fought bravely on the wrong side of right on these same streets this same night

And under this same sky I guy I know was arrested tonight

There’s still dark, and the shadows still will gather

And the reality is that all of this still matters

And the sun is rising and its beautiful believe

But, there’s plenty more dark nights that will follow these

We thought we had compassion on these streets

But this night out horizons were blown by how much our God is actively pursuing every single one of these

And how a heart so big we cant even understand, sheds broken heartfelt tears, for each of these

And on that bench Im taken away

To all the different places I’ve been to and returned by that day

From the slums of Gjkova where no one wants ya

To the Dalmatian coast where you have to wonder,

How God could ever be denied

To the eyes of a grown man when he cries

From the persecuted solider on the streets of kosova

To the homeless man who’s begging to start over

From the days of old and stories of Passover

To a sacrifice of grace, that leads, to life

All the pieces of the puzzle seem to come together in the emergence of light

On my knees in the park, in reverence and fear

Having seen all these things and been brought back here

From place to place and stories I hold dear

On my knees I confess “I will worship you here”

From the mountains of beauty to the streets of despair.

From the homes with enough to the tables with nothing to spare

I cant even begin to imagine, let alone answer the questions out there

But I commit to stand and l say “my God, I will worship you here”

And Ill try to understand the issues and become more aware

Be a friend to the broken standing right there

I’m nervous, self-conscious, unsure and flippin scared

But through it all my God, I will worship you here

I’m nervous, self-conscious, unsure and flippin scared

But through it all, my God, I will worship you here

“I’m talking bout the science of social depravation” Skinnyman

2009-11-25T08:52:00.000-08:00

So I didn’t do too well at school, I was the class clown, I just liked making people laugh. I can’t read and write too good so I couldn’t get on. I get board, I got a job in my last year of school, money in ya pocket, a little to help ya mum out, enough for beer at the weekend and it’sall good. But, it means I didn’t do so many exams and that means I aint got qualifications. I lost that job (I was too young to work), I’m not a master mind but I’ll work hard, this just means I’ll do the jobs no one else wants to do, “Ill give you a one’a to do over that...” you know the drill. My Brother just had a kid, he lives in the next road, my little brother’s just out on bail. I’ve got a record as long as my arm and more. If something goes on in this town the police ask me about it (coz to be fair I’m usually in it) My dads sick, seriously. The best job I had was Selling drugs, but for some reason it felt wrong so I stopped. My mum works hard but its tuff with two boys right? my mum and dad don’t live together.
I just wanna work, but I can’t get a chance, I’ve got no qualifications and no experience so I can’t get a chance, I can’t get a break.Im stuck. Everyone want to take the piss out of me, mug me off and I won’t let em, so, I get them before they get me. It’s a f#### up existence, but wot chance have i got.

This guy came to my house for tea today. I wanna just give him a hug and tell him life’s not all bad, but in his situation it is. What hope is there, what chances are there? I just wanna give him a job create opportunities, he’s my friend and it hurts to whiteness the cycle of a social class system that says unless you tick these boxes we don’t care about you. I wanna go to the government and say “this is a good guy, his family are good people, they just got lost and need some help on the way back, Come on, surly there help for these guys” I wanna step in and stop this cycle, bring about a change if I don’t who will? And in 20 years will the next generation of this family telling the same old tale?

I don’t know where to start. I guess, awareness relationship and prayer and action. But the challenge is big. The cost is high, the price might be more than I have but the result. The result is life.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Mathew 11 : 28 the message

Healing?????

2009-10-31T12:18:00.000-07:00

‘I believe your my healer’.
‘with the following instructions, ....heal the sick, raise the dead, clense those who have leprosy, drive out demons...’

Do you ever get a little fed up, maybe you haven’t seen any healing, maybe no miraculous signs or wonders have gone down in a while and your just desperate for something. Maybe your losing faith? Maybe your not sure if it can really happen?

Just consider this...
Its a cloudy afternoon, 5 transit folk take a break from clearing the community garden on one of the toughest estates in the north. Carmella, a lady of around 80 years old who is just getting ready to go in for a hip swap operation, hands out a few cups of tea and simply asks a little about what transit is all about. We recount the tail, its basic to say the least, bit of this, rhythms of that, helping where we can, just trying to be image bearers of Christ in the world. With a look across her face that exudes dumbfounded hope she utters a few words that shake my thinking “that’s healing that is, that’s healing that is to hear you say that” (in a wonderful Italian/Yorkshire blended accent) That’s healing, I stop to consider for a moment of two. Just think, as we struggle and strive to do as best we can in advancing the kingdom, in prayer and action could that in its self be healing? Granted no one has been cured of cancer of freed from HIV, but an old lady who’s faith had taken a jump forward through some practical help. A boy who really needs some help with writing lyrics for a party on Saturday night and on a deeper level is searching for someone to restore a sense of trust in his life. Some sound advice to a guy about to face a tuff sentence, could these simple acts, in God’s hands be bringing about healing. Is a broken heart, a lost sense of trust, heightened pride and self dependence be the very things that need to be healed in the lives of the people around us. And greater still what if a whole community has lived and been founded on disappointment, failure, let down and depression. Could the simple act of serving free tea and cakes as a sign of acceptance love and hope be bringing about a change in the atmosphere and in doing so be bringing about healing (on one level)

I don’t really know, I’m just working it out, but the prophetic words of an Italian, Yorkshireean pensioner gave me another of life’s proverbial slaps in the face and then I’m left bemused by a God, a God of healing, in every sense of the word.

So where do we go from here???

just another day in the city

2009-10-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

It’s like a 20 past 8 and then some, the streets still quite empty it’s like the days not yet quite begun. On the estate that we walk from
it’s not all about early birds
coz they lost sight of the worms, they weren’t up early enuff for them to get some
So we enter the race, the tightly fitted carriage sends a slight reminder that in our little bubble we don’t have worry about this daily trouble

Stepping of its a bit unknown, same sights of the big city, same gray tarmac underfoot, same buildings cutting up the early morning sky.

The task, just a day in the big smoke, a few house in the city
“Don’t take out with ya, just simply be”
Just, you know, see wot ya see.
Oh yeah and where is God in the city

The shadow of religion looms over me
The imposing architecture and massive heavy wooden doors coupled with the ‘everybody welcome’ sign seem to confuse few passersby,
but i figure, let’s go see where the cracks at and step a little foot inside.
I’m consumed by the front row line up. The 11 plus two Paul and Barnabus make up the starting 13 and when you think of fantasy football and the these guys make up a healthy starting team.
The dark wood and red carpets ooze religion,
the knitted knelling cushions ooze old age.
I’m staggered by the graves,
so many lives passed by, so many memorials that lie, but.... I don’t know, it seems a little like show like the more important the better position you get and the more your name glows????
I don’t know.
Then the horror, I read a little church magazine, and these are the words that lay before me.
This church was built as a memorial to God’s grace and truth in the year 1841, when most houses were in squalor and money was hard to be found

Now Im no expert
but at these words, there’s gotta be something, something deep inside your guts that just breaks down and says. “That aint right”.
Where the flip is the justice, and where IS God in all this (I appreciate my view is sceptical and Im sure this place has washed many sins and helped many into the kingdom, but, really?)
Then outside, I’m meet with a juxtaposition of the faith
In the shadow of the church lies a bench full of hurt
5 alcoholics
Just getting their drink on
Moved on
You gotta ask
How, do you bridge that gap?

A quick trip to the river to just observe the social surround and people that pass and just listen. Listen to the city sound,
find out where it can and is found.

HQ for a spot of nessiccary tea, bit of banter, dab a history.
A stark reminder of Gods heart that bleeds real blood for the poor and needy.
And the title of a book that just so grabs me,
‘Faith in the dark places’.
I love it
finding faith in the faces, of people and places and picking up the sound where they can’t even taste it,
its so desperately deep but inherently basic.
Face it,
its all around, just hiding a little waiting, to be found

A quid for a pasty, handy! Eaten in front of a street preacher that basically is saying the right stuff, but, flipping well putting people off.
It doesn’t seem like a message of love.
You can’t knock his dedication but somehow it seems like it’s just raising tensions.

Then a chat with a man, at the Christians for Israel stand. Ok, so what do you do?
a barrage ensues
about the Jews
and their significance in all that it is we do
and how we owe our faith to the Jews
and that Jerusalem is and will be the home of king of the Jews,
when judgement ensues?
I leave with a hand full of odd DVDs and just a little confused.

But that’s a feeling I’m use to.

Toilet in an art gallery, take in a bit of the ‘surrealism in context’ expo.
I don’t mind a bit of art, but I have to admit to not being a critic,
Does anyone really get this?
Really?
Step back into the real world to some guys stilt jumping plus a couple of free runners
Pause to consider a new career in extreme sports,
further pause in the realisation that I’m too lazy, unfit and unmotivated to actually follow this through.
It’s a good idea but, wot can you do

Moving on the busy streets
afternoon brings a new found intensity in the city.
And as the people flow buy and life moves in the breeze
I’m suddenly overwhelmed by the need for more tea.
Organic tea?
More expensive the first thing that strikes me,
but the two guys looking a little like there, homeless moves me
In to the situation, and catch the attention of a man
Just perched up at the stand, organic coffee in one hand
A plastic bag and socks with saddles,
not the usual guy Id spot but, this seems like an angle
His full on beard and Russian military style head gear slightly perplex me
He’s a living representation of the next-door neighbour from home alone, you remember
Quite scary

But as we trade tales of home towns and how we get down
I find a little of myself in this man.
His rolled cigarette and eyes of regret tell a tale of a hard worked life,
And to be honest, as conversation arises his worrisome look turns to a look of wisdom when you relies he’s all about life.
He was baptised at 16
And although hes not a religious guy
You can see some deep rooted hope in his eye,
We discus church history and issues of justice while the world moves at a pace around us
By his exterior don’t be put off
This guy knows his stuff
We discuss
The church, the why and why not
And how to live as a representative of Jesus, well that’s enuff
But how for most its not

So move down, south side of town and there’s something about a familier sound
That simply draws you in, even when
Its down a back ally into the dark
But, trust me
Thats where the fun starts
Subdub records,
Oldskool setting,
back of some shops up t a dodge stair case that looks unsuspecting
Apart from the weed smoking rasta man painted on the wall
The hooded up yut man behind the counter engages in banter
And I ask about the Leeds sound
“Its big man” it moves around but dub step d&b dance hall and raga
We got it all goin on my man
This is our manor”

So then its getting later
Pace back down the end of town to sit by the river
But on the way a guy stops me
He even asks politely and properly
Excuse me my friend could you do me a favour?
Wots that I reply unsuspecting,
He holds out his hand and gets ready to receive
Burv, have you got 50p
As i sit on the curb at in the nicer end of town with two guys Im taken into a completely different world.
Mikey and Dave
This is there home, theses streets this town, these places I passed.
Its where they doing the living.
A little deeper below the surface lies some much sinister purpose that drives them to be out here.
Yeha we got family
We got kids and that
But,
They can’t ever see us like this
It’s the drink you see, its got a grip.
And we can’t get out of it
A few prison stretches they share between them and this seems to further the friendship in em
It seems they have like a code or something.
They don’t share the money but if one needs a drink, then all he need do is ask and his mans got his back
It seems even in the hardest places, community is something to be searched out.
There’s a few of them, I find they meet wherever they can, the run down the places in town where you can hang and the places that hand out food when they can
Mikey’s two black eyes show the tails of street life,
and how it’s not so much them that are the threat
but that in this position and in just observing them you can see there’s a massive amount of venerability in this position
Should you given money even if it is only 25p
Well i guess they’ll probably spend in down the road in the offey
But
Wasn’t it Jesus
Who gave love unconditionally

So wots the sound of the city?????

And I will worship you here.

2009-09-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

So it no surprise when these words roll out in song my mind is drawn back to places of incredible beauty that we’ve had the privilege of visiting over the past few weeks. In these places of immense beauty it’s kinda easy to worship God. When your surrounded by the work of his hands,iIn a place where he’s the focus, in the prayer room in the safety of a church building, it’s not a difficult thing to say “yeah, I will worship you here”.

Snap forward a little, to a boy on the street I aint seen in a while, he begins to share his troubled soul, his anger and the things that lay heavy on his shoulders. The boys on the park bench don’t seem any different 5 months later. The aspirations to simply get away from reality by any means they can still linger heavy. It breaks my heart to these guys, guys that full of potential, guys with hopes and dreams, guys that are searching, but just looking in all the wrong places.
Then it comes, the challenge now takes on a new dimension, “Can you worship me here?” It’s a bit more difficult, it’s nowhere near as safe, its out of any type of comfort zone you could imagine, but, Yeah, “I will worship you hear”, among the broken, among the hurting among the lost. In fact, It’s what I want to do. I don’t know how, I’m gonna need some direction, but I’m here, and I WILL worship you. With all that I am. At least I’ll try, as best as I possible can

I've walked this road before

2009-09-18T16:12:00.001-07:00

So I think this is it for a while. Its been all I could imagine and more. The only way I can sum it up is with a very long poetic retrospective with a glimmer of hope for the future. I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.

I’ve walked this road before
But
Somehow, it seems so much different than before
So many faces, the same streets and same places
And I recognise them, But
Somehow, it’s just. Different from before
So in the only way I know, I just roam the street
To the same tired old rhythm that rolls to an all too familiar beat
Remembering that those were the days
And remembering that those were they ways
And never again will it be the same
And with every melodic slow pounding from the drum, I realise “son”
Things done change
Ya see I dun walked through the valley, and I got lost in the shade of the shadow
And when I was surrounded by the snarling sneering forces, in the dark side quarter
I fell, and I got caught.
And trust me you can’t know how deep man a sink
And how close man just came so close to the brink
When all I could think
Was, there’s no further left to sink
And with one last look over my shoulder not knowing what to think
That’s
When he found me
Just when it felt too deep
And my lack of knowledge on how ta swim, trust, nearly drowned me
That’s
Where he found me
And he said he’d been shouting out for a while, but it was too loud around me
I said, man I’m truly sorry coz I really aint done right
And I tried to stand up but I lost the fight
Made some bad moves and didn’t get things just right
But with a voice that could calm the most savaging storm he said,
It’s alright son
Coz it’s all said and done
And now,
It looks so much different than before
The battles lost, but with a confidence that surpasses rationality and logic and understanding he pointed to a distant light and in the breaking of the dawn
He said It’s all good, the time ‘ll soon come
And all I could do was just sink into to his magnificence, his beautifully, his simple elegance and appreciate all that he is and was and will be to me before my times done,
And in the most appropriate time that has ever been presented itself all I could holla was,
Flippin, nice one bruv
Since then I’ve been lifted
And the walk was tuff sometimes but somehow I knew I would make it
And with endless help I made it
And I stood, on the brink of the mountains
In complete gratitude for the works of his hands in the surroundings
And as I watch the sunset over the most perfect backdrop
And remember where I was,
and now just where my feet are
and I just have to stop
And as I rolled on the path less travelled
To follow his lead and see how far I could follow
To be amazed time after time
And line after line of 1000 rhymes
Can’t even begin
To keep up
And you won’t believe the things I’ve seen, far beyond your wildest dreams
An 8 year old girl searching through the rubbish in a skip till her fingers bleed
To a true solider, who fell in the pressure from the enemy
To a community, and you gota love the irony
That pray nonstop in a house between the town’s hottest night spot and the heroin stop
From the power cuts in the Balkans to the red lights in Amsterdam
Finally
I’m only just starting to learn a bit about who I am
So I can tell you with not word of doubt
Having been with from the land of plenty
to the land where they just do without
I’ve walked this road before
But with all that’s gone down it won’t ever be the same as before
Coz I’m not the same any more
Having known now what I know now having been where I’ve been and found what I’ve found
Having rolled street to the same old sound, having made my way to the lost and found
Right now
I can’t stop moving
I can’t sit down
Because from up here on the mountain,
You can see all the way
Down
To wot lays broken and dormant on the ground
And then comes the sound
“Go down”,
It’s just a whisper at first and it’s hard to make out the words
“Go down”
Just a little louder that at first, just a simple verse
“Go down”
Getting louder still and these feet of mine just can’t keep still
“Go down” “Go Down”
No its hollain at me, the sounds so loud, in words that I can see,
“this is what I’m calling you to be”
the response to call that’s been birthed in me,
the command I can see quite literally
and the voice becoming the whole of me,
and journeys long the end I can’t see,
but the sounds guiding my feet and passions just pulling me,
I want ta be
all I can be
and burning a deep fire right in the depth of me
and still struggling with what it means to give all of me,
starting to realise it means the very soul of me
layed out bare for all to see,
to lay down all my hopes and my so many dreams,
and trusting that he,
is all that I need,
and in the best and the worst he will come through for me,
the shouts still get louder gradually
until all I can think and all I can be and all that consumes the inside of me is
the answer that he’s already planed and put inside of me
“Go down”.
Im on my way
With a fire burning bright from the eyes
Able to see right through the darkest of dark nights
To help eliminate the how’s and the whys
Down, down to the depths we go,
It’s not the simplest route and the path lays dormant and old
And the early silence is one that I know
Down the path, though the thickest forest to the pit I once saw,
But this time
I’m in much clearer position than before,
Just back to the spot where he found me
Maybe you’re loosing or just not fittin in
Maybe your maybe this is the battle that you just can’t win,
Maybe ya struggling but don’t know where to begin
Coz every step that you take pulls you much further in
And there’s nothing you can do so ya just start sinking
But now to the secret, let me let you in,
When it all goes down and the storms raging
And the forces against us tear us up from within
And try to outstand the harshest temptation
When you look into the eyes of the enemy within
Staring straight into the face of satian
And ya felling like it’s a battle and ya just can’t win
And it’s getting dark and just can’t win
And ya sail won’t find the slightest of wind
And now is the time ya feel you can only give in
Then to a secret, let me let you in
I heard a rumour,
That in the end
he win’s
So I walked the valley and i fell many times, I got stuck
And I’ve stood in the presence of greatness and observed it all from the top
I’ve seen the night sky glisten and the and the moon light up the sea,
I’ve come to know the light on the hill top that was put there for me
The one that guides the path and makes things clearer to see
So in accordance with the sound, that rings out so clearly
And in line with the path that’s laid out for me,
I’ve seen the top and it’s amazing to me
But that’s not where you’ll find me
But find me in the valley, in the pits of despair
Find me in the darkness searching with a fixed stare
Now the light that burns bright dwells in the depths of me
Find me in the valley, simply trying to help people ta see

Coz up here is beautiful,
And I love it believe,
but down there, their drowning literally,
right in front of me
And as I walk the same streets, the faces I see, but I can’t help notice how different they seem
It’s like I can hear souls screaming at me
Don’t walk passed this, don’t try and be the fastest
I’m drowning down here in the deepest abyss
Please help me, get me out of this
This is an opportunity it would be criminal ta miss
That’s where he found me
Now that’s where I need to be
So we can help em get up here to see what we’ve seen
Coz up on the top of the mountains a great place to be
But in the valley, with the broken
is where we’re called to be
And not still shouting the same old here I am send me
Coz the challenge was laid down clear for all to see
Plain and blatantly
Now
here I am,
use me.
Mould me shape me
Let the things that break you, begin to break me
And I’m right here and I’m ready so
Now’s the time
The battle fields open
And this soldier...
Is ready.

The Dam DAM!

2009-09-16T02:06:00.000-07:00

“Excuse me, do you guys speak English?” The two sat on the bench look somewhat different to anyone I’ve seen in a church for a long time. Two tuff faced soul’s draped in the style of the city. “Yeah mate we do, what’s up” “Errr well, I was wondering if we could give you a flyer for this...thing...?” “There’s a dance party goin on in the church across the way at the top of the Red light, though you might wanna go, if you take this you can have a free drink or something to eat” such was the brief we received an hour or so ago on arriving in the dam. Then it struck, I know this place and the reputation that too readily precedes it, but never have I stood in this street and heard it put so blatantly “this is a Christian party right, if it’s in a church?” “Yeah, that’s right” “You know where you are right?, this is Amsterdam, over there just a few meters away and still in eye sight is the red light district. This is the city of sin!” “What are Christians doing here?”
Have you ever hear something that’s packed so full of truth, so loaded with pain yet in the same breath is ready to explode with possibilities. BANG, this is it “that’s exactly why we’re here” we reply, with an air of confidence in this small band of soldiers that have assembled in this city, this weekend, for exactly this reason.
We got to Amsterdam late Friday afternoon, after pitching our tent in the most Getto (with a capital Gett) of camp sites. We stick our faces into the YWAM base in to see what is happening. By this point in our travels, I’m getting less and less convinced that coincidences happen, and more and more sure that God, took the time out and just dropped us into situations already prepared for us to be in (thanks Dad). Mission Amsterdam is happening, now, it’s started an hour ago, do you fancy joining in? Yeah baby. We have come to learn the lesson of getting involved and worrying about any consequences that may follow later. Christians from around the Netherlands, Germany, America and Steve lee with his ‘miracle street’ team from England have gathered for this. It’s like when Mike skinner and the streets paint a picture of the ultimate hedonistic night of club culture and drug taking,

‘they’ve all come together for this party, many faces, from places you never heard of, wots ya name, where ya from and wot you on?’

But this time its heating up in the city, the names may be the same and the places you never heard of, you still never heard of but ‘what you on’ is a different story entirely.
So the weekend flows, outreach evangelism and mission. Now it’s easy for me to step back as an outsider and say why I didn’t like some of the ways it was done and some of the methods were a bit ‘oldskool’ for my liking etc etc. But what I can say is this; we met some people that have a heart for this city. A real heart for the people here. As we stroll through the red light and here the knocks on the glass and our noses fill with the ‘aroma’ of the city and as often we have heard. You start to see things, just a little, from the God perspective. As we spend the weekend with a Italian/American Dutch guy, a crazy Germany evangelist, and English escape artist, a Latvian funk band and various others we start to see the makings of an army. An army of young people that would march out, on the streets of despair and simply just care! It’s wonderful and heart breaking at the same time, but I’m coming to see that sometimes that’s how we need to see things!
After the festivities of the weekend we walk the now bright streets of the red light and tuck into the first English breakfast I’ve experienced in 4 and a half months. The streets seem so different in the day light. The live porn show signs are still present but lack the backing of the neon lights and somehow, in the cold light of day, just seem sad. But as we visit some places we continue to see God at work. A prayer house in the main strip called the tabernacle, a Christian community house right in the deepest part of the district, a youth hostel run on Christian values with prayer and bible studies available to any of the 180 guests that may be staying at any one time. As the battle cry of broken hearts advances the army does too!
But then, as if you needed reminding, the harsh reality hits home, after a weekend where we’ve heard of guys going into the hang outs of prostitutes and leading them to God himself, stories of healing and testimonies shared on the streets. We walk down a small ally at 10.30 am we hear the all to familiar tap tap on the glass and turn to see a girl, at 10.30 in the morning, touting for business. The €250 she has to pay for her place in the window has to be paid somehow, and if that means starting work early, here in the city of sin, at least for now, life goes on?

The northest place

2009-09-16T02:02:00.000-07:00

Here on in lies a whole bunch of dubious connections. We roll up in Denmark at the house of some guys who know some guys who know us. What they do and how they do it is a little unknown, all we know is we are still on the path. Still trying to follow God and listen to the whisper in the wind. So we arrive in Svenbourg, Denmark.
Our crash pad for the next few days is the house of Frank and Miriam there 4 children 1 cat and 4 kittens, with the occasional visit of a sister, a brother in law and baby, and mum and dad makes this family home seem almost the same as some of the community houses we have been to already. We spend the first night learning, where they’ve been and how they too have live out this eternal adventure of following God to the ends of the earth. It’s still amazing, when you roll up in a city that you could have so easily driven passed as just some place and bang, you’re thrown into what God is doin. I pause to think of all the little villages, towns and cities we have already driven passed and consider where God is, where are the people doing his bidding and how it’s changing people’s lives?......
Until I’m rudely awaken at 4.45am! Wot, now you don’t have to tell me that prayer is important, but I’m also very aware of the laws of nature that tell us sleep is also and essential to life. Either way 5 am we roll up at the church for a 2 hour prayer meeting (I was sure you only had to pray for one hour, but, you know, when in Rome) So for a majority of the time we simply sat and told stories, of what God is doing, around Europe, in a little place called Stanford-Le-hope, and here in this city. How people were committing to prayer and from that special place of hanging with Dad, people are right now being mobilised into action. We begin to hear about a Drug and alcohol rehab place that the church run, how they have just taken over a building and are wondering and praying as to what they need to focus on, young people? Single parents? Homeless people? It’s just wonderful to be able to pray into something right at the beginning of its birth.
But this is what I love about being on road. The big picture is amazing; to see God moving in a city and situation a church a community is immense. But. To be invited into the inner sanctum of just one life, to see the bones of what makes them tick, is something truly special. Let me introduce you to Pete, Pete lives and works at the drug and alcohol rehab centre, we have the privilege of meeting him and the residence there the following day and spending some time in this environment. He shares stories of how he was a missionary in Greenland, facing persecution and needing police protection at times. He shares a bit of his heart for the residence of the rehab centre. But then, as if it wasn’t enuff, he tell us, that hearing the stories of the Bus in the UK and prayer walking the streets and seeing the young guys not as problems but as the possibilities that God himself is looking for had struck something with him. His heart for the gospel is big, his heart for people is massive, he asks us to pray for him. Us? To pray for Him? Sometimes its kool to share the stories and pray that God will be lifted up in it all but to have the privilege of praying with someone touched by hearing what God is doing and being inspired to get on it themselves. Well, surely that is what it’s all about.
Oh yeah and did I tell you he’s 64 years old! Oh yeah, living the dream! God, I pray you will continue to inspire me at that age and beyond, in whatever way you want.

A few more days with Frank and Miriam’s family is prefect end to out brief stay in Denmark. How amazing it is to be welcomed by not just people, but family. Thanks Guys.

Rollin round Z’s manor

2009-09-07T12:57:00.000-07:00

So it’s dark now, the damp floor lingers underfoot form the earlier down pour,

As earlier today I take a walk up this hill visible from all around. Past the quaint houses and cobbled pavements, the bench on the corner and the last street light. Into the darkest part of the night.
I walk up the Hill to ‘Gods Acre’. This time it feels different. There’s no one walking dogs or site seeing, this time its silent.
I take a seat on the edge and cast my eyes of little knowledge and great intrigue over the vast expanse of open ground and just consider. This is place God had been, this is place the like of which I couldn’t even dream. One noble man and a bunch of refugee’s witnessing an covering of the holy spirit the likes of which I’ve never seen. In the distance now darkened by the night sky, but there behind the trees, lies the church where it begun, born out of frustration and miscommunication and conflict among friend, God chooses, in his infinite wisdom, to intervene. This path before the bench on which I’m sitting leads to that church. Is it even possible that Moravians could have walked this very path in front of me, beginning to confess to each other their deepest thoughts and confessions, beginning to turn away and except the never ending source of forgiveness that is still there?
I walk through God’s acre, and whiteness countless graves of hundreds of lives that made a difference to the world, that through meeting with God and being inspired and listening to his direction set out, with little money and no knowledge of how the journey would go, even with the idea to sell themselves as slaves. Such was the passion, the passion of the message of Jesus.

I see the grave of Joshua, the west Indian, freed slave who’s tail sparked the excitement of 2 young men and lead to the first mission trip from this tiny town hundreds of miles away, and I wonder, what type of story would I have to hear to make me do the same?

I walk up to the site of the lookout tower that watches over this thinnest of thin places, to Herrnhut and beyond. And there on a bench at the foot of this place of prayer sit an old couple wrapped in a knitted blanket surrounded by candles. Not being able to speak the language I was unable to find the true purpose of their vigil, but I would like to think that in the age old tradition of this town the watch over the city in prayer still upholds itself, in the hearts and prayers of the faithful few. I make my way carefully down the steps into the trees and back to the grave yard. In the day this seems the safest of places steeped in history. But everything looks different in the dark. The universal sounds of night creep round as the skyline fades and the shadows creep in, I couldn’t help but think this was the path laid out for me? “Son, You know where I am, you’ve waited in my presence, you’ve gazed into the vast expanse of my creation and you’ve seen into the eyes of those I love, Whom I gave my only son for. Now go, go into the dark, go down from hear and get in deep, take this light, take this knowledge take this urgent message and spread it to all that will listen. What are you waiting for?”

I walk back down to the street, somehow the significance of this meeting changes my outlook on the surroundings, it soon becomes clear that unlike in my manor, hear there are no street lights, there’s plenty dark spots to hide, There’s is light, but it’s in the houses and the doors are closed firmly shut. There’s only me, no one else around. Lacking any sense of direction I amble back to where I think I should be, Ironically, the gate of the Jesus House is closed, but opposite stand a few young souls engaged in conversation, beer drinking and a cheeky smoke. What can I learn for spending just 30 minutes or so walking round Count Z’s manor. Having heard the stories of old, having seen the darkest night of winter, but having also been blinded by the light.???? Wot do you think?

Above are my thoughts from one evening, this being said, the Jesus House is a centre for prayer worship and community. They are working hard to live out the values of Christ in this town where the challenges take different forms to any I’ve experienced so far. Having unemployed government program workers on site and inviting them to a BBQ, the shop opposite run by members of the community supporting mission work in Mongolia, the weekly prayer for Gods people of Israel, the morning devotion and daily evening worship, the hospitality to visitors goes so far to express God in this town.
As we sat one night with Renee, and American called to this holly place, she shared that her heats cry is this. Its great people come to see the town and hear the history, but I pray that once again God will show up in this seemingly little and insignificant town and that people form far and wide would come, because what God is doing NOW!

Please join in with the same prayer. Thanks

Just get a bigger table!

2009-09-03T14:11:00.001-07:00

Have you ever just been talking to someone, and in the midst of the conversation, they drop some knowledge on you, that literally is so simple you should have thought of it yourself before you even woke up, yet so profound that it literally takes you 5 minutes to pick your brain up off the floor to continue the conversation. They say it just in passing yet, it doesn’t just pass, its stays, it inspires and pushes you forward in your thinking?

You know what an oasis is, a place in the desert where people that are thirsty can go to drink. Where those that are tired from their journey can find rest and people that are searching can find what they need. Have you ever been to an oasis? I have, it was in a city called Thun, in Switzerland. Susannah and her band of disciples live, eat, and pray together in the confines of their 4 rather large walls. This intense community of believers are sharing life together in the rawest form.
What I learned to love and to inspired about this safe haven, was that it’s not closed, the door is literally always open (even maybe when it shouldn’t be!) The house is located right in between a night club, which is open 5 days a week till 3.30 am and a house that will be used by the local governing body to administer heroin and methadone to keep addicts from the streets. What a place to pray, what a position of influence to be in!
Not content with the position, this little community extends its hospitality to the city’s poor, a once a month Brunch for the homeless, the moneyless and the lonely goes so far to building the kingdom we so long to see.
Born out of a vision to live as a community of ‘followers of the way’, sharing life, learning from each other, discipleship and prayer this place is so much more than just a community house. We met various people over those few days that had been influenced by this vision and had subsequently had their lives changed, it really was an inspiration.

“When I was hungry, you gave me something to eat, When I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink...! Never before have these words from the Boss been so simply and clearly expressed before my eyes but in this case. Here I would also think a few more could be added to the sentence, you didn’t just feed me, you gave me a flipping top layout of food, you sang to me, played music, made me feel like part of the family, and you showed me love” isn’t that in itself, the most important commandment of all.

In our journey to learn all we can about Christ centred community, one of the deepest yet simple bits of advice was dropped in an ordinary conversation after dinner. “If you really wanna start doing community, all you need to do is get yourself a bigger table, and fill it!” and I guess like in the bible if those that are invited don’t come, go to the streets and the fields invite all you find to come and eat with me.

Amen sister. Be Blessed.

Precision randomness!

2009-08-27T04:30:00.000-07:00

We need a place to stay in Germany, Big Philly says ‘’Check out the 24-7 prayer website, see if anyone’s praying in Germany’’ So we do, and they are. We rock up to this church about an hour from where were and wait outside for the brother of this guy that we spoke to on email to meet with a youth group and talk to them before they embark on a week of prayer. Random?
As people start to show up, and we engage in conversation it soon becomes clear that this is the first time they have run a week of prayer!!! Some have no idea what to expect!!! What a privilege to be placed by the very hand of God into this situation we spend the best part of an hour with around 20 young people tentatively preparing to pray. We share from experience of prayer, prayer rooms, boiler rooms and what God is doing around Europe. We tell about the lessons we have learned, about relationship with the father, about listening, about compassion and beginning to see the world through the very eyes of the one who conceived it all. And not forgetting, we talk about the next step. We explain about the importance of taking the prayer out of the prayer room, being the answers to the prayers and responding to the heart of our Father. Random? I don’t think so. When I wrote about being pieces on a chessboard little did we know those same words would come again to fulfilment the very next day. What a privilege it is to be part of God’s chess game, to move in the way he moves us, to respond and to be used.
Maybe we will never see these guys again, but we pray that that all they will remember is two weird smelly guys came, but God spoke, prayer happened and a town was turned.

Not to us, God, but to you be the glory (again). Amen

Big Flo and the dream house

2009-08-27T04:24:00.000-07:00

So, Flo was big. And so too was the ‘Dream house’, not so much in stature but in inspiration, in influence and in idea. We spent just a short time with Flo, but in the few short hours we had to talk his deeply rooted ideas in Christ centred community blew our tiny little minds.
The Dream House, although it’s been running for near on 5 years is very much in its infancy. From what we learned (much as we did in Macedonia) it’s about relationships. Deep rooted tight relationships. Flo has faced many difficulties in running the race set out before him, he has encountered a lot of opposition, but his dedication to the idea, to the dream is intense. Dream House is community, it’s a charity, its workshops for kids and young people, its teaching and learning, Dream House in its self, is a dream and it’s about releasing dreams!

We only saw a small aspect of it in action but it was enuff, enuff to see this guy and the people around him really live, as if it all depended on them but believe that in the end, it all depends on God. The ‘Summerloch festival’ was just one string in the intricate tapestry of the Dream House, but the idea to connect Christians directly with the world through the common passion of music really was something special. The security, the sound guys, the drinks lorry, even the guys helping put up the fences, most weren’t Christians, most probably had negative views on church but there seems to be, through many hours of hard work at building friendships, such a deep level of respect for these guys and their work, a respect that perhaps a church group couldn’t get to but just a few guys, living out there faith in the only way they feel possible is having an influence on so many lives. Take Albi, a hard working, hard living sound man that I’m sure you’d never get even into the car park of a church. He says to us ‘So, you’re friends of Florian, right?’’ ‘’Ok, so you’re in with the Dream House? Then you must be Christians, right? ‘’Ok, that’s kool’’. Kool! Is it? not most of the time, not in most circles but due to the relentless work of this band of soldiers, working behind the scenes, somehow, the fact that we are living representatives of Christ have become exceptable, even kool, thus giving ground to sow into. Florian says that since he left conventional church some 5 years back he’s never spent so much time with non Christians. Therein lies a massive challenge for us.
The Dream House vision has still so much to achieve: A community house, not just for Christians but for those who need a place to belong and feel loved, Youth work, Connections around Europe, A catalyst for further development of these ideas around Europe. It goes on. Who knows how it will progress? Who knows how far its influence will stretch? But, what starts in simple prayer and sharing life (really sharing life) could do so much to bring about the kingdom of God in our time.

As an aside Florian and the Dream House guys would love to connect more around Europe, especially with England, for teams to come and help with the music festival, to come and pray to simple be together as Christians to build and strengthen each other. The invitation is open. It’s for You! please come, visit, serve, pray, simply be the family we are called to be.

Oh yeah, I borrowed one of flows shirts one day too, it was a little tight around the knees but other than that it was fine.

Are you living hip-hop or are you just a rapper?

2009-08-24T11:03:00.001-07:00

So by some twist of, Gods plan and on the journey of following him around Europe we find ourselves at ‘SommerLoch’ a music festival in Germany, a little way from Frankfurt. The concept is intense, it’s not about the music, although there are some big names from the German, indie, rock and metal scene’s here. It’s not just about Christians; Christian bands make up about 20% of the bill. But it is about God, it’s about relationships, building together a network of lives that maybe somehow wouldn’t come into contact otherwise, but with the same passion for music are drawn together in God’s plan. Sometimes I feel like a piece in a game of chess. I don’t really understand the game or what everybody does or even what everybody is capable of, I’ve got an idea of how to move, although it’s a bit restricted in my mind and I don’t know why I move like this. But. And the But is big. God’s moving the pieces, with the skilled mind and hands of a master, simply using the pieces to move in just the way they were made to move in the right spaces at the right times for the eventual goal that he has already in mind. Maybe it’s not even about winning, not even about being the last piece on the board, but it’s about being used to your maximum potential even when the movements seem out of place.

So we’re sitting in this guy’s house, eating a bowl of noodles warmed up from the night before. He doesn’t really know us or what we stand for but we are his workers for the day, lifting sound gear and parts of stages, putting up tents and doing general stuff. But as we share some food, he begins to tell us about his life; he runs sound in a place called ‘the slaughter house’ he’s in a band, he has a recording studio where he records young in-experienced bands for cheap to keep his head in the music biz, he lives the life kids dream of. His name’s Thomas, he works in partnership with Florian (our host) to run this festival. He’s not a Christian, but we are, and we are here, how does this happen, I don’t know. But I’m confident in the fact that it is for a reason. In true rock and roll style he tells us life is all about his wife, his kids and the music. We pray there will be an addition to that list, of the truth!

In steps German action-man, let battle commence. Travelling with the Baytonater I’ve learned a lot about living in the wild, tying knots, survival techniques and general macho stuff, but now in this foreign land, the master of the towel had his work cut out. Our English action man sleeps inside on a bed, but German action man sleeps in the garden under a plastic sheet, not coz there’s no room, coz he likes it. Simmo wins on knowledge of tent erection and superior knot tying skills. Sim has a knife on his belt; German-action man had a lighter for his roll ups. Then a curve ball is thrown into play, German action man is a DJ, his in-depth knowledge of Hip-Hop culture and bag of vinyl adds massively to his credibility, and he’s actually a good DJ. His army like appearance and long platted hair may put you off at first, but when he gets into the funky rhythm it transforms him to a musical monster, Simmo’s knowledge of the bugle just doesn’t quite step up.
However, it is our Simmo, wielder of the latest addition of the trek and field catalogue who’s in-depth understanding of sound equipment, stage erection and the intricate ways of the gaffer that gives him the title of Ultimate Action-Man/fox’s squeaker

N e way this post isn’t about that, it’s about life. We sat one day and had a deep discussion with German action man, aka Tillman, aka DJ Snooka. About life and God and being a true disciple, we also discussed hip-hop and culture. The bushman hat wearing German laid down some knowledge that I will not forget. ‘’A Rapper is a rapper, he does his thing, he entertains, he knows his skill and how to use it, he can impress the crowd with vocal delivery and rhyme styles. But an MC, an MC, in the world of Hip-Hop has to earn the title; he doesn’t just rap, he controls the mic the crowd and the scene. He lives hip hop, not just by wearing baggy jeans but by being the embodiment of the culture: he has a rhyme book in his back pocket, he grew up in rap battles to win sweets and lunch money, his body is tattered with war scars from tails of street notoriety which he can expertly depict in verse’s but his social commentary on the political implications to his environment inflict equally hard hitting blows to the ear, he knows the four elements of hip hop and they govern his life. People like Puff Daddy and Kanye West and flow rider are rappers, maybe they make a good track, and yeah they entertain, but it’s the under dogs, the seldom heard that claim the MC title, Scarface, Rakim, Pharo March, KRS1 Rakewon, skinnyman, these are the guys whose head stones, probably too soon would read, for the love of Hip Hop.
In these words that reflect life I have to ask myself ‘do I live hip hop?’ not literally coz that would be silly, but as a Christian do I live the life? Is it evident in every part of me? Even down the way I walk and talk? Do I live Christ or I’m I just a Christian? Can I put on a good show, make the people cheer and become a name? Or is there more to me? Is the very way I live a reflection of the true God? Here in lies the biggest lesson and challenge of this trip so far.

Wot about you? Do you live Hip-Hop, or do you just Rap?

Friends of friends

2009-08-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

So we as we leave Gjakova I can’t help feel a deep sense of sadness and regret. Not regret about anything that has happened or sadness about how it has all played out. But just a sense that God is on the move in our fair city, that his army is advancing, and that there’s till work to be done.

But all things for a time and all times for a reason or something, so we move into the unknown. It’s Stivi and silemon (as we have become known) first stop Macedonia. The landscape might not change but these neighbours are worlds apart, motorways, road signs, constant electricity and the promise of MacDonald’s greet’s us on the other side of the border. We meet up with the wonderful bowers and out what it’s all about.
The issues are similar, high unemployment, alcohol, drugs, money. The same issues batter us the world over but what we learned in Macedonia was an interesting lesson. As its summer hear, the Glasnost 24-7 prayer community is mostly quite, at least this week, not so much is happening. However as we carefully question and observe the Bower in his habitat we see this is about friends. Friends, first and foremost of God, as we are invited to be, but then. As they strive to find authentic Christian values and live as a community of likeminded people with the same ideals, we see friendship. Phone calls hear, a football game to watch there, a few drinks late one night and this is the foundations of the work here. Its amazing to see and hear how this lowly bunch of misfits who didn’t fit into any of the forms of church offered to them have developed their own unique form of Christ centred community and it works, its strong, its finding its feet but. It’s the friends of friends simple living how Christ intended them to, finding how that can be authentic and pulling in the people around them in the same situations.
This is how it’s happening and it’s working

I’m sure we will learn more lessons, I’m sure we will see other ideas but for now as we stood in various places above the city of Skopje intreged as to Gods plan for this city, it seems that this large metropolitan mass has a network beneath it, working in the back ground in simple conversations, in little meetings and in the darkness. Simply doing, simply loving and simply being.

Thanks for having us guys.

A simple sunset

2009-08-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sat and watched a sunset? I mean just simply sat and watched the sunset before your eyes? From actually being in the sky the sun just disappears! How amazing is the world. So we’ve been in Montenegro, Croatia into Bosnia then back to Croatia and now we sit. Just sit, on the beach front, drinking a cold beer and appreciating all that’s good in life and it’s amazing. God is amazing, he’s amazing in Thurrock don’t get me wrong but when you allow yourself to roll round Gods world it will, and I don’t use this lightly, it will blow your mind. As I sat in complete awe of the works of God’s hands all I could do is ponder on him. I felt the distinct voice of the boss simply say ‘’don’t forget this’’, where ever you end up in the world, whatever you doing don’t forget this time, right now, don’t forget where I’ve brought you from and where your feet are standing right now! Heaven tells the glory of the almighty God and the sky’s announce what his hands have made, day after day there telling his story, night after night they tell it again. Never in my life have these words from such a long time ago been so real, so true so evident to my eyes,, and God message in all this is simple, Don’t forget, don’t turn your back, don’t get home and fall into routine and forget what I have shown you. Where you once were and where you are now!
As an aside, do you ever watch the sunset and wonder, maybe it’s a wonder or maybe just a vague hope or idea that someone is watching it with you? That the same sun that leaves your sight is ready to brighten up that someone else’s world with the same intensity and maybe as you sit in a far corner of the earth just watching and thinking, is their someone, somewhere in the world watching and thinking of you? Hoping and thinking the same?

Or maybe that’s just me

did you indeed, squeeze it like a lemon?

2009-08-09T16:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever stood in the shadow of greatness?
Have you stood in the beauty of creation and had your breath literally taken away?
And then, have you ever walk the streets of desperation, looked into the face of the poor and been able to say ‘’blessed are you’’ Mire si vini Gjakova. I’ve had the privilege, honour and pleasure of spending 3 months of my life watching, as in the face of crippling poverty, in the hearts of the hopeless and in the eyes of the broken. God, is building his kingdom. In the centre of the city, in the park by the hotel stands a tree. In the midst on the concrete, and the people and the noise stands a natural creation of God and God would say ‘’See, I am building my kingdom here; it is taking root, it begging to be seen. Maybe it doesn’t look like it should be here, but trust me, it is. Now, help me build it’’
When people ask about Kosova what will I say? When they remark on the rich and poor divide, on the children on the rubbish dump looking for plastic to sell at 15 cents a kilo. When they what to know about the effects of war on a country in our own life time. When I’m asked how the church can go to a family with nothing to offer but a prayer how will I respond. All I can say is this; I have bore whiteness to soldiers, young bold soldiers, plane clothed, normal looking, everyday soldiers. Who have a fire in their eyes and a passion in their hearts, who come from these same desperate streets and return to them at the end of every night. Who’s very lives scream Jesus, who through prayer and petition present their request to God because to them, he is the only answer. I’ve seen how God is building his kingdom here, and its through love, it’s through hope and its through the offer of something more, not food or money or a quick way out of the poverty trap. But life, life to the full, living water and blinding light that outshines every last shred of darkness.
Did you put in? I think I did, did you pull your weight?, yeah. Were you able to bless out of a place of abundance? Thanks to God, yes. What about culture did you engage and immerse without being moulded. I like to think so. What about stories, what can you tell?

Well, this morning a lady came to church holding a baby, the same baby I held just a few weeks before, the stay at home wife of a Muslim man. She was at church today and heard the story of Jesus! What more can you say

Maybe there were times when I could have tried just a little harder, maybe there was a conversation missed. Maybe more work and effort could have been put it the language. Maybe

But when I’m asked ‘’Steve, did you indeed, squeeze it like a lemon’’ I can honestly say, with the inspiration of good people, with wise words having been offered, with God at the centre of it all. ‘’Yes my friends, I think I did’’

And in all things, as a really good friend of mine reminded me ‘’Not to us, not to us oh God but to your name be the glory’’

Zoti ju bekoft

Wots all this about then?

2009-08-07T17:01:00.000-07:00

I don’t think anything will surprise me now in Kosova. I’m was just in the bedroom, its 1.30am and there’s a wedding party going on. To my surprise and horror they were playing cotton eye Joe (you remember the one) Strange. N E Way that’s an aside

So, sparked on by a conversation about devoice, relationships and love with some Christian locals and a Muslim man. Then speaking to simmo on our way to a little farewell dinner, I started to consider love. So, in the famous words of Peter How How, ‘’wots all this about then?’’.

Simmo mentioned this list idea. You know when you write a list of all the things that you would like in a perfect partner even down to the smallest details of hair colour and shoe size, and then you pray that God will provide the perfect person for you?
I have to say I’m not so much of a fan of this idea myself. Having participated somewhat in the past and having my deepest hopes and dreams shattered, my views are now somewhat different. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the idea, if it worked for the legendary Bersiha, I’m sure it can for any of us but these days I prefer to think of it like this.......

I like to think that maybe you cross paths with someone; maybe it’s so unexpected at first that you don’t even see it coming. Maybe this person doesn’t fit any of the things that you might write on a list but there’s something in them, a glow that radiates from them, something you can’t see but it’s so obviously there, something that inspires you. Maybe you don’t have so much in common but through interaction, simply spending time together you begin to inspire one another. Maybe you would grow together as friends without any preconceived ideas to hinder the way you act towards this person. Then, maybe their personality becomes one that you simply can’t do without. Perhaps the way they live life inspires you to live. On occasion maybe you disagree with everything they say about something but in that you can see the diversities of life and how terrifyingly massive our God is. And maybe they push you towards God, through conversations and shared life their passion and desire to live like Jesus is something that churns up your innermost being in such a way that you can’t deny anything about God and wanna give him everything no matter wot the cost. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t, but I’ve come to believe that twisted crossed lives sold out for God have some way of connecting people, that would normally not be connected, but that can find something so special that they would never have even considered, let alone be able to put into the word to write on any list, but that just the notion of sounds perfect. It shouldn’t work. But, I like to think that in some way for someone, that’s lucky enuff to find it, and brave enuff to step into it. Maybe, it can happen.

Well, that’s what I dream. How about you?

Was that really you?

2009-08-04T14:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen that movie human traffic? You know when wacked out Danny Dyer is surprised to hear the dulcet tones of Jo Brand as the voice of reality calling him back. But as he’s been so far out of the world for so long the voice is unfamiliar and strange. Not that the voice of God is unfamiliar and distant but, my face feels just like the twisted face of Danny dyer asking ‘’..Reality, Is that you?..’’

How do you know when you really hear from God? I know you hear from God, I’ve experienced many times the leading and direction of that comes from the boss of all things. But what happens when it’s big. How can you be sure? I’ve been here for a while now and it’s coming to the wind down section. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still ready and willing to throw myself, head on, into anything that comes along but, you can help but begin to reflect on what was and consider what is to come.
This year has been amazing. What started with apprehension, reluctance and a vague idea of giving all to the one who it all came from, has turned out to be life giving, life shaping and life changing? We learned a lot, about God, developing relationship with him, our farther. We’ve seen how simple spending time with him, hearing his heart beat begins to shape how we live, as we begin to see the world as he does and allow ourselves to be broken by a broken world. It’s then that we are able to begin to live out life, and life to the full, ‘’..to pray is to change..’’ Is this one of those times?

There’s a place hear called Mahalle seefees, ‘gypsy street’. I love it, its raw rugged and uncontrollable. It’s the ruff forgotten end of town and it’s where I believe Jesus wants to be the centre. The church hears have a rented house hear in which they do amazing work with kids on a Saturday afternoon.
But!
Wot if!
What if from the tattered strands on life, from the broken lives of the inhabitance, Jesus wanted to lift up a Christ centred community and build his church?
Wot if someone caught a vision for a place of refuse and shelter, for kids to play, for teenagers to hang for adults to find an ear to listen. What if it was a hot house of prayer, a centre of the community where problems were aired and presented with prayer a petition to the founder of our faith? Maybe it could have an element of education, of learning of mission, of hospitality, of sharing the little we have with anyone who wants to except?
What if God planted the vision in humble servants to ‘’..get together with likeminded people, show up, and simply start living..?
But how do you it’s of God?
Today we were in the centre on Gjkova, singing a song I didn’t know, doing actions I didn’t understand but presenting God to the unsuspecting crowd of local folks out for a walk. Good times, as we sang I saw a tree, of medium size. Strong in stature. This is what I think I heard. ‘’..See I have planted my kingdom in this city, and see, it is growing, although the ground doesn’t look capable the roots are taking ground..’’ and then ‘’...Now help it grow..’’? What.

What now? God, again I ask, at the risk of offending you. Please teach me how to hear you voice!

Cheers

If there was ever a day to pray....................

2009-07-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

Did I ever tell you about a friend of mine, Izmet Naziri? He burst into the seen last year having attended a prophetic prayer evening and became a Christian. Since then he’s been ‘that guy with the fire’ he’s on it bruv, telling everyone and anyone he could about Jesus. He opened his house to start a house church thing and even in the face of difficulties, threats and challenges the spirit of an evangelist was bubbling up in this guy.
Then comes a dark day – Today on our extinctive program we were gonna visit Izmet and the few families that have begun to except the truth of Jesus. The threats, the lack of employment and difficult times had obviously taken a toll on this solid soldier. Last week we went with him to the school with him to assess it for a potential kids program. He wasn’t quite himself! The frayed tethers of the simple difficulties of life were blowing in the wind, slowly unwinding. Then today, we planed to visit, encourage and uplift the small band on believers in Babaloce, the village that has chased out religion. But! We hear that Izmet has decided to quit! To give up! To turn away! Not only that, but as this guy was responsible for the entrance of Jesus he seems to have made it his job to send him out too. As we role up the village seems almost deserted. With the help of one, sound local we walk from house to house of those we’ve met on various occasions but are met, with closed doors. The warning call has been sounded, windows are closed and curtains are drawn. The road leads to the view of the perfect mountains. Under the shadow of greatness stands emptiness in a harrowing form. Izmet Nazire had become more than just a church goer to me, but a friend, we had shard many strange conversations in broken English and Albanian, we had travelled together shared food and drinks. We had prayed in his house and spoken the word of the living God over his life. Together with had pleaded the case of God over the city of Gjakova my mum and Dad had even been to his house. But today his door is well and truly closed. In the seemingly deserted streets and meet Hackie, even he, under the guise of having ‘visitors’ soon, didn’t seem to have time for the church, to pray or to simply talk.
This is a village that called the police on the Christians, and beat the Muslims into to hospital. This village seems to be trying its best to claim another life to its total. And this time it’s a friend of mine. My heart is heavy, my burden hard my eyes slowly filling and the thought of this incredible story of faith facing and undeserved, early exit. As we left we passed the house of this amazing man, his familiar sandals sit on the steps outside almost hinting that he had left something important behind.

But, I believe, this isn’t the end of the story; I believe with everything in me that there is another chapter to be told, a new tail to unfold and Greater things to come in this, harshest of environments. ‘’Are battle is not against flesh and blood but against the powers and principalities of darkness..’’ The battle is on for the lives of Izmet Naziri, Islam Naziri, Bekim, Hakie, Solomen and the people of Babaloc.

What can you do? Pray, as if it all depends on God. Coz it really does. It’s only Jesus, that will free this village!

Oh yeah, then just a quick trip to Slovan, the trailer village, that turned into 3 hours, with family after family of desperate, difficult, tragic circumstances. With nothing to offer but sweets and prayers we were armed for the vary job we were sent to do. To preach Jesus, to show kindness and to be love. What more can you do?

‘’...Lord, please! Teach us how to pray....!’’

Wot is beautiful?

2009-07-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

So the other day I held a 3 month old baby, and as I twiddled her fingers and spoke the international language of baby to her i couldn’t help but wonder what the future held for this life. Born into situations that for some would be too much, into culture where to have just a little is to have enough, to be brought into an environment of different views on religion and how to live life. I prayed that this life, no matter where it ends up, that God would find her. I couldn’t help but look into her tiny eyes and see beauty.

This year I’ve learned how to see beauty in all manner of things, in high-rise block of flats overlooking the manor where drugs and crime run the streets, standing on the crown of Smyrna praying for rain in that city. I’ve found it in a personality, that unexpectedly took me by surprise, but with passion for life, enthusiasm and desire exploded into every situation good bad, happy and sad and I’ve learned how to see the beauty in that. In standing over Gjakova, all too aware of the desperate poverty surrounding me but calling out, joining with God and asking for a change, from peace hope and identity to be found. Some things are simply, just, beautiful.
In the eyes of a young life, just lots a family member but excited to eat well for a day. And in a beggar, who didn’t have to go hungry, who’s whole persona changed before our eyes. And iv seen it in humility, of people that love Jesus, that lavish that love on others that live as if the spreading of the word all rested on their shoulders, but who return at the end of the day to the same settings and situations of the very same people they are striving to help. And in the heart of someone’s story, a story of faith, of struggle of lose, of heart breaking situations of desperate times when the there seemed like there was no hope, and no way out, but then in holding on to the only hope that is ‘’...quite frankly, guaranteed..’’

Where do you see beauty? Do you stop to observe for long enough, do you thank God for these little (and sometimes massive, daily miracles of faith hope and peace standing out amongst a crooked and deprived generation with everything they are screaming Jesus into their environment and flooding the dark that surrounds’ them with blinding life giving light from the very author of the story.

Find something beautiful today. It’s not hard.

The word became flesh and rocked up into town

2009-07-19T16:45:00.001-07:00

Right in the mist of it, dead in the thick of it, how many times did we talk bout this?
Right in the thick of it, hold up the mist of it. This, is, it!

So this year we talk a lot about prayer, about being the answer to your prayers, about being the hands and feet of Jesus. About turning up and being. We got excited about people that were out doing the stuff, living life on the edge and feeling alive. Echoes of Jackie Pullenges ‘’..if you wana see revival build your church in the gutter..’’ and the classic ‘’Some wanna live in the sound of church and chapel bell, but me, I wanna run a rescue shop in the very gates of hell’’.

Spurred on by the desire and passion of people to pray, we ventured out to the darken mhallah secvers? To take on an upfront full night of prayer. Armed with sleeping bags bibles and the knowledge that God can do Immeasurably more (well, simmo on the other hand was prepared for everything other than nuclear fall out with his SAS survival kit) we set up base, expecting to meet the boss, hear his plane and join with his cries for change in the forgotten end of town
In English this place is called Gypsy Street, named after a high ranking roma the population could be around 150 families. The tone of the place is set as we arrived and are greeted by an 11 year old boy sitting on the side of the road at 1130pm eating a bag of crisp. I got questions, with no answers, wot can we strange English boys do hear, can we make a difference? Will us staying up all night in any way be of any help to this community. In the natural, no! I’m sure a lot of folk stay up all night. But in the spiritual flipping heck yeah. ‘’..pray as if it all depends on God..’’ Right here, right now, it all depends on God, flicking through the pages remembering the promises. We join with the cries of Gods heart for his people called by his name to turn once again to the creator of all things. We thank God for the lives that have been changed by the relentless work of his soldiers on the ground and dare, slightly naturally sceptically, to ask for more. More than this, more than we can think or imagine or sometimes even understand. Some times without knowing the words to say I just find myself imagining wot could be!, if the tide turned, if this little street in this little known place caught the fire and was transformed. Do we dare believe for this, dare imagine the repercussions on this town this city this country. It’s hard in a place like this, when you look in the faces of the kids. You contemplate what they will become, how they will live the little prospects they have and the likely hood they are faced with in becoming a product of their environment.
And then, as dawn breaks and the daylight floods in, I see a rose. Growing strong out of the mix of concert, rubbish and dirt. Fully in bloom and beautiful and I’m touch that God can make something so sweet, so beautiful so strong out the rubbish, out of the grime, out of this place. We’ve be taught to find God in a culture. Today I saw God, in a flower and I’m amazed, again at how the same God who made the universe, in this small part of his earth care’s enuff to shine a light hear, that there might be growth, that there might be beauty, that there might be life!
If you get some time, pray for Mahalla scevers (Gypsy street) pray the daylight would flood this place that darkness would be flushed out and that the kingdom would be firmly planted hear. Pray for Pepe and Driton, and the other Christians that live in this community. Pray for the relentless work of the church hear, that they wouldn’t get tired of doing good.
This morning at church wot a humbling experience it was having prayed in this street to see 4 young girls from the community stand up and act out a little drama they had put together themselves about how good it is to read the bible, pray and worship the living God. They are coming to prayer together at 5pm tomorrow in out basement. Is this more than we can imaging? I think God has a lot more in store for this place, lets join him in seeing it come to be........

thanks

C'mon

2009-07-13T16:51:00.000-07:00

A while back, I spoke to ‘The boss’ about prayer and what we had been experimenting with back home. How God had shown up as we prayed. How, God was meeting us, how he was moulding us and shaping us, and how we were had the privilege of once again walking in the garden in the heat of the afternoon with dad.

As time passed God himself built on the idea of prayer, of conversation with him. Before long we didn’t even have to push the point people seemed to be interested, intrigued even, in getting know dad once again.

But then, sometimes you think is it worth it, will it make a change. In the face of monumental poverty, in a place where the rich get richer and the ridiculously poor get shafted daily, wot difference will a few peoples feeble, faithless prayers make?

In comes the proverbial slap in the face.

And my feeble whispered faithless prayer, Evokes a thunderous, resounding, bone shaking "Amen!"From Countless Angels, from heroes of the faith, from Christ himself and He is the original dreamer The ultimate winner, Guaranteed

Tonight after a day of continuous nonstop prayer, in which every slot was filled and every person turned up for, on time! (If you know anything about Kosova culture you will be laying on the floor in amazement at right now) People simply discovered what it was to spend a little time with Dad, to see how he was, to be reminded of love, grace, peace and to be empowered envisioned and inspired. Polished off by a 3 hour communal corporate prayer bonanza I couldn’t help but smile, not coz I wanted to big myself up and admire what the west had done for this church, not coz the prayer room looked nice and pretty and not coz i wanted to look kool in front of my pals, (although all these things did briefly cross my mind, sorry God, really) But in the amazement of the chorus of angels, shouting screaming, cheering AMEN AMEN and AMEN to the simple prayers of humble servants, arm’s linked in unity calling for a change, for a turn of the tide for a beaten broken, pain ridden generation to know what it is to love and be loved. It is as simple as that.

In the well versed words of Jon Freeman/Pete Greg/the wired stuffed puppet things on the corsa adverts.

C'MON

Yep

2009-07-08T16:33:00.000-07:00

Today I went for a run at 6 o’clock (in the morning) with some folks from the church. Yep, that’s wot I said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t look back in anger!

2009-07-08T16:29:00.001-07:00

So I’m rolling down the transit road in Gjakova, in a 17 year old ford fiesta. The relentless sun is beating down and for some reason oasis is playing. ‘’Don’t look back in anger..’’ I can’t help but think, as I’m driving to buy a birthday cake ordered that morning how norm this seems. How, although I can’t really converse on any deep meaningful levels with folks and I keep learning newer and stranger parts of the culture. That buying a birthday cake on a Tuesday afternoon is simply life?
I often wonder how I’ll look back at this time, did I put enuff in, did I try as hard as I could, did I really listen to God or did I indeed, squeeze it like a proverbial lemon?
Well I don’t know and I’m sure that I’ll have good memories, I’m sure that God is in this somewhere, although at times it’s hard to see, but I guess the immortal words of Noel Gallagher will remain the same. ‘’Don’t look back in anger..’’

' If you want to win this world for Christ - you are going to have to sit in the smoking section

2009-07-03T01:37:00.000-07:00

Well..... your guest writer for the day is ..... me ....petersjohn. Steve is busy preparing his stuff for the youth meeting tonight. It promises to be a blast ..music...drama...and the gospel. I'm allowed to attend (Feta ... local oldest man in church goes..so ..why not me?)

So far I'm catching the flavour of Steve's impressions of his stay here. I have to say he's quite perceptive (but those of you who've been here will probably have gathered that from previous blogs)

The usual leadership trait when we visit is to eat, talk, drink, talk, meet, talk , walk, talk and sleep. Then on Sunday morning we are asked to talk again. But it's good to talk. So far with Steve the conversation has been about stuff here but also about incarnational church. Why? Because we are both reading books about it. Me ... 'The Shaping of Things to Come' Steve... 'Organic church.'

On the ground and in practice we went a restaurant 'Old Hani' a kind of coach house in the Old Town. We arrived to the sound of a wedding in the other half of Old Hani (Hani means 'eat'). Kosovans do like a party - a loud one. We sat down at around 7.30pm hardly anyone there. Good food and wine (Russell please note) conversed, sorted out the future for the church in Gjacove then as wewere about to go (9.30) the locals turned out in force. Life is about two /three hours later than in the UK.

We paid the bill - whilst I muttered a complaint to Steve about the guy on the next table and his smoking going, it seemed, totally in my direction. As we were about leave, his two guests arrived (wife and neice) and he proceeded to invite us over for a drink! Duly humbled (me) we accepted and I had a water (honest!) and Steve a coffee. The guy spoke a smattering of English whilst Steve took his opportunity to practice his Albanian.

At this point I have to comment that Steve does take every opportunity to practice his Albanian despite that fact that most people here want to practice their English on him!

So .... we conversed..or Steve did. With the racket from the wedding I couldn't hear the guy clearly and just nodded(an age thing) Steve charmingly engaged the two ladies who overwhelmed him with kindness about his grasp of the language (that.. I think was a motherly smotherly thing)

We got into the explanation that we were here from a church in the UK. they said 'what sort?' - locally that would usually be either Catholic or orthodox. The wife who is a hairdresser and nominal Catholic said she had a couple of saints in the shop (pictures). We are now all one - religiously of course.

At this point the conversation wrapped up as their dinner arrived and we decided to take our leave after exchanging the usual extensive farewells (and phone numbers) plus Steve invited them to a church party.

As we headed home on foot we discussed the meeting which was clearly 'incarnational' and for us 'not just hearing but doing' The title above sums it up really. Being a Christian - incarnationally speaking to quote Leonard Sweet (in Steve's book) 'If the church isn't willing to get its hands (or lungs) dirty it won't have a hearing'

Jesus came sacrificially to serve, love and win the lost through building a relationship with us.

‘’THIS IS ALBANIA!’’

2009-06-28T15:38:00.000-07:00

Two days in Barum curri, not what most would consider an exciting prospect; I too was a little dubious at the thought, considering one major factor being the entire town only gets running water between 3 and 4am. But either way, passports in hand our unlikely band of soldiers cross the border again into Bandit County. I just use the term bandit country loosely however on this trip I find that as recently as 3 or 4 years ago the town was actually controlled by Bandits (real life bandits!)
It’s an interesting city, on the way to the mountains the cities sloped position bears witness, strangely, to a number of smart 1970’s German cars rolling the streets, wild dogs roaming the roads holding up traffic and the odd cow crossing the road amidst the people. This, mixed with harsh faces of the people, struggling to find a true identity in the wake of communistic oppression, war, poverty, freedom, religion and struggle.
Such faces we meet even in the youngest of lives we encounter.
So our Dutch counter parts had the idea to take the church out of the building, we trekked through the partially standing apartment blocks, across a field and clime over the fence into a school play area. An array of footballs, volleyballs, parachutes and such meet eager faces and provide hours (literally) of fun over two days.
However this isn’t the most incredible part of the weekend, after sharing some of Gods story at various times with the children and young people alike, as always in broken English/Albanian we manage conversations with some young guys on the fringe of the activities (just where I love to be). As you can imagine, ‘’..the landscapes may change but the same issues remain...’’ So as guys are guys, the conversations revolve around sex drugs and money. This one fella takes emence pleasure in telling us how he wants to have sex with as many girls as he possible can before getting married. However, the striking thing is that on asking the question, if found his wife not to be a virgin after marrying her, he would have every right to kill her!. Why, well, Coz, ‘’..This is Albania..’’
We reflect on the west and the opportunities of work and better futures. The conversations turns to other ethnic groups which he refers to as n*****s. I tell him, you can’t say that, he says, yeah in England. Maybe, Then raises two hands in the air and states the ever present fact that ‘’...this is Albania...’’. And on reference to gay folks, you don’t even wanna know his ideas but of cause the reasoning behind it is simply ’’..This is Albania..’’
Now I’m not naive enough to take this teenagers words as fact and believe all he says but you can help but sense a sinister undertone, maybe from the way these guys were raised, maybe from effects of past hurts and war stories traded over time, or maybe the odd 2008 range rover that rolls past with blacked out windows hiding the faces of the infamous Albanian Mafia (seriously) that have a big part in the history of this part of the world
However, all is not lost, as the unlikely, the few, the humble pass out simple booklets about a different way, armed not with the tools of conflict this country may be use to, but with sports equipment, gifts for learning bible verses and the knowledge of a truth so powerful it could turn even this, strongest of strongholds upside-down
Have you seen the movie ‘this is England’ When the guy is like ‘’..this is England..’’ pointing to his shaved head, ‘’..This is England..’’ Referring to his doc Martins boots, and ‘’..this is England..’’ pointing to the tattoo of a cross on his forehead.
This time it’s not Doc martin boots skinheads and fighting against the change of culture and colour. It’s not the sex pistols that hold up the flag of punk life style. It’s the black eagle and red backdrop, it’s the two fingers of a changing future of Sali Berisha. It’s a mindset plagued with the old struggle, the fight for freedom and independence and a place in the world.
When looking at the faces of indecent young lives with no crime to their names other than being born into this town. I can’t help myself thinking that this is Jesus. Seeing a young man so proud of his country but having been so warped and in his thinking by the environment he has come from, looking into his eyes and thinking This IS Jesus. And seeing young girls, hassled by all the boys, being viewed as second class citizens, objects of lust and fantasy with no real sense of self worth, self image or purpose and of how the God who sent his son to die for them would see them. And thinking to myself. This is Jesus.
In the shadow of the school sprawled with graffiti, a lot of which bears the names of the American Hip Hop legends and footballs super clubs, almost crying out as a life style that is idolised and seen as a way to look to. The name of Jesus is spoken over lives; prayers are prayed for peace, for revelation, for change.

‘’..It is not the healthy who need a doctor my friends...’’

If you get some spare time, please, pray for Barum Curri, for the church and its impact with much limited recourses, for the mentality and mind sets that are apparent. For peace, for change, for......Jesus.

Amen

CAN YOU STAND THE IRONY?

2009-06-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

So tonight we had the privilege of joining with the havens in rejoicing (sorry if that sounds overtly Christian) As Mr Izmets brother gave his life to Jesus. Yeah Bowy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But it gets better, his name is Islam. Yeah, Islam. Islam the born again Christian. Does it get any better?

Hot on the heels of the rain maker

2009-06-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent an hour or so with Vim and Lorianne from Holland, we talked about the emerging church, how the format of church had to change in order to reach an growing young generation who are increasingly disillusioned with the concept of church. I was able to share about prayer rooms; Christ centres communities and what has been breaking out across Europe. I think we were on the same page. They come from a small church group that meet in a house on a Thursday night (kool)

So as we talked we decided it would be good to pray at the top of Chibraty Hill, as many other have done, while looking over the city of Gjakova and see what God is saying to this city and to us

So we walked up the hill today (Chibraty esthe shume large nga shtepa im) we got to the top and shared what we felt God saying. Lorianne shared from about the feeding of the 5000, but majored on the fact Jesus looked and the crowd and had compassion on them and how God was calling us to be compassionate people. Tina shared from Corinthians and spoke about being ambassadors of Christ. I had the opportunity to share; I talked about how I felt God was calling his people to pray, and to pray like never before. How prayer movements had grown and spread across the globe. I shared about how I believed God is calling his people to feel what he feels, to see what he see when he looks into the hearts of broken lives, to live out compassion. To be the image bearers, the ambassadors of Christ in thows situations. We spoke about Christ centred believers with a foundation of prayer looking out to the needs of the city and finished with the old classic. If my people, called by my name humble themselves and turn from their wicked ways, I WILL hear from haven and I WILL heal their land. As we sat under the covers it began to rain, I hesitate to copy from someone else’s story but it did feel as thow our prayers were echoed in Haven as asked for revelation, for God in rain in this city to open the flood gates of heaven, and well, you know the rest

Wow, what a privilege to be able to pray and seek Gods heart over a city.

We walked on after a bit of munch to another view and prayed. We prayed for revelation, for restoration and for peace. We read from Isaiah (Andy A would be proud) Isaiah 54

8 In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,'' says the LORD your Redeemer.
9 "To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
11 "O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires.
12 I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace.
14 In righteousness you will be established:Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you.

Good times indeed

An uprising is at hand
It starts with the humble prayers of man
In response to the heartbeat of this land
And as prayer, passion and unity stand
With mission and action Hand in hand,
We boldly make are united stand
As storm clouds fill the sky
In one voice we cry ‘’ Rain in this city tonight’’
That peace and hope would flood the streets
That love and grace would wash the people’s feet

Impromptu re assurance in ‘Bandit Country’

2009-06-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

So, we were in Barum Curri today. There’s a couple from Holland hear at the mo, and they thought it good to take the mostly young church out to play some games before doing any God stuff. It worked well and attracted a larger crowed. As I casually excepted a call from non other that the delightful Mr Jonathan Biddel, slyly slipping away from the activities in which I had managed loose all respect and any credibility I had built up, over the past 6 weeks with my complete in ability to play volley ball. The day continued
So we sat down after and a group of teenagers that we had being vaguely talking to about life, God, love and the percentages of hot chicks in our respective countries. They joined our little pow wow, the guys from Holland shared a bit, there were a few questions, then one boy asked me to say something. Maybe they wanted to laugh at my ridicules Albanian skills (again) or maybe God had something to say. So I shared my testimony, in full. Some weren’t to interested but a couple were then, at the end, came a moment of revelation. Not for the crowd that were sitting around in the late afternoon sun under the back drop of graffitied school building broken cars and the dirt laces basketball courts, at least not as far as I knew.
It was for me, after coming all this way and busying up with stuff both now and in life, you sometimes lose sight of what God has actually done for you. As I finished the story this one guy who had been intently listening all the way thought and doing his best to encourage other to do the same said ‘’ well, thank God for changing you coz you didn’t sound like a nice person before’’ Blap Blap. Yeah God has changed me, from the inside out. I weren’t too good, I don’t think I would even recognise that guy now.
Thanks God for a timely reminder of what you have done for me, thanks for speaking thought the mouth of a teenage boy whilst smoking a fag in the depths of Bandit Country, and I just pray that some of what you said through people today will stick with him on his journey.

Nice one God

Thursday is prayer day!

2009-06-18T08:07:00.001-07:00

It’s taken me far too long to make a decision, partly due to the schedule and partly due to my lack of organisation, but I’ve decided, if it’s possible that Thursday will be prayer day (maybe even fasting day too) To really seek God in this town, to walk the places Jesus would, to see what he sees and to call on Him (to interrupt Heaven) and plead for his kingdom to come.
So I set off, after my Albanian lesson with my pal Shkelsen, on a prayer walk. I headed down the transit road to Gypsy street (ironically maybe this is a sign from God) I got to the top of the road and wasn’t sure whether to go down or not. I love this place, whenever you go down there’s people on the road side, kids in the road, playing with stones or boxes or any other type of amusement they can get their hands on. This is the forgotten part of town. Someone told me when they first got here they were told they shouldn’t walk down that street on their own (or at all) I’m told there could be up to 300 kids in this community maybe 150 families or more. At night its ruff, drugs drink all the essentials for the high society living. So, in for a penny right?
I felt like David Wilkinson following a young lad deeper into the darken corner of the ghetto except it was Jesus leading, and me, reluctantly as always following. It was like every so often he would turn around and say ‘’It’s ok, Follow me’’ which made it all the more important to keep going. Now I paint a bleak picture and to be fair in the unrelenting sunlight of the day it wasn’t too bad, A few kids come and shake your hand in recognition of the stuff the church do there, a few older folks pass a broken ‘’ello’’ and ask where your from. I pass two houses of two of the young guys from the church on the way and feel like there’s real work and opportunity right here, as I follow the footsteps of the one sent before me to pave the way. Here is a mission field in itself. Its tuff coz not knowing the language you can’t accomplish anywhere near what you want to. But you can pray, as if it all depends on God. The church have a building there, its small, 2 room s but it’s right on the street. Imagine if someone were to really take an interest in this place. Open the doors of the house there not just once or twice a week but 24-7! For kids to drop in, to eat together, to help with home work or offer to talk. To pray, and to simply be. I guess they’d have to know the language, maybe they would need help. Maybe it would have to be a full time commitment, at least for a season. Maybe, just maybe God would begin to stir a vision in someone, for the dark side of town, to have a beacon of light lit in the middle, that maybe, could be sustained, in pray and petition to the one who hold all things in his hands.

In the words of Ian Nicolson

‘’Do you want to look for my fullness?
Do you want to partner with me?
Do you want to count for my kingdom?
Do you want to see miracles and stand for justice?
Do you want to see reconciliation and people set free?
Do you want to see nations transformed by the power of prayer?

Then come follow me
And I will show you where to go
It’s not to the platform and the spot-lit speaker
It’s not to the conference, the meeting place or camp

Come with me to the darkest places
Come to the hurting, the howling, hollow faces.
Come with me to the addicted, convicted and caught.
Come with your light
Run with your salt
Come to the sorrow; the suicide tree
Come to the stable
Come.....Follow me

2Pac once questioned ‘’I wonder if Heaven’s got a ghetto? Well, of course not. But when we seek to build Gods Kingdom on earth, I can’t help but wonder if we need to start in the ghetto?????

Who shall I send?

P.s I’m also making a cup of tea while I’m writing this and in my haste, I’ve just used 2 tea bags instead of one. I hope this doesn’t mean I’m gonna run out too soon. Idiot.

Wow

2009-06-18T07:33:00.001-07:00

So yesterday we went to Brecocs to do the kids program, I told a story. This week was really hard, small team, lots of kids; it was tuff to get through. Had to cut out the games so, just maybe, they would learn to be quiet but, who knows. After, this guy came over. A big gypsy guy from Germany, he was firing lots of questions out about various loosely based Christian topics. As always its tuff to pic up weather some ones having a go or just talking, such is the language. Either way, at one point, he was asking me who I was and why I was there. Faton came over when I got stuck (pretty soon after the conversation started) I think he was asking what I was doing in Kosova (Tragically I always seem to stand out as being completely foreign, everyone can tell I’m not sure why?). As Pastor Faton was talking, he told the guy, I was an evangelist. What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! People have said that to me a couple of times, but never, since I’ve been here have I used that term of even referenced that gift. He just said it. Just came out. Like it was my job title, the reason I was there.
How amazing is God, to confirm his own word though someone to someone, without the other someone really knowing what was going on but still able to hear what God was saying. Well, as per the words of Paul to Timothy and passed on by Eddie Gjoni, ‘’...do the work of an evangelist’’ better get on with it then ay?

Cleaning up

2009-06-16T15:34:00.000-07:00

So yesterday we bought a washing machine, Its funny. In my life so far I’ve brought 3 washing machines, I guess I thought I just buy the one and get it fixed when it broke down. It funny how life goes sometimes.

Oh yeah and get this, we went to the shop picked the one we wanted, then picked it up and put it in a van. We paid and left, by the time we got to our gaff(5 minutes away), they were already there. They unloaded brought it upstairs. We called a plumber to fix it up. He said he’d be there in 15/20 minutes. And he was!

Wot, I think I like it here.

These are a few of my favourite things

2009-06-16T15:20:00.001-07:00

Well, when I say a few I mean one, and when I say favourite I mean one of the things I just really appreciated so far (but that doesn’t make such an exciting blog title)
Any way so I had visitors last week, my folks came which was super. It was good to see them and for them to see what it going on here I really appreciated. Having the Gense hear was kool, it was good just to talk normal to someone, you know like guy talk. And of course it’s always a pleasure to spend some time with big Russ. We had a good time; it was a bit of a fun
It was a flying visit but well worth it. So one day we had lunch out at it set the scene of one of my favourite moments so far of my time here.

So, in Kosova, when you’re out eating or even sometimes in the street, you see kids begging. It’s a real tuff sight to see. You so wanna help them but have to understand that usually there’s an older brother or someone hanging back somewhere ready to take whatever money is gained to by cigarettes or whatever. So were having diner, a little kid comes over, sad face, all dirty and asks for money. Now I can’t speak the lingo, but, I try, in my broken Albanian I manager to get his name Thiri, find out where he was from (Brococs) a village we visit every week to do a kids program and that he was 9 years old. I managed to tell him we didn’t have money for him but if he wanted we could get him some food. So in the middle of kosova with my ma and pa and pal gensie, we had the privilege of the company of Thiri for lunch. While we waited for our food, I was just blown away by the way his little face changed, from the sad face of a beggar to a young, hungry boy, amused by the useless use of Albanian he was hearing but happy to be eating. We attempted to draw a house and a dog and cat, my efforts were tragically laughable, but, I’m eternally thankful that God gave us the privilege of seeing this little life find laughter, at least for a moment. It was like he completely changed from a little lost soul, to a little life that just needed to be loved. I guess in some tiny little way this how God feels when a life is turned back to him. What a privilege to be a part of.
After eating an entire plate of chips but not touching the roll he ordered he shook everyone by the hand and left. Sure enough as he left he took the roll and in the distance we saw an older boy take and eat it (hence him eating all the chips)
Now will he remember this encounter forever, probably not, will his life be saved, who knows. But one thing is for sure, at least for a moment he was in the company of people that cared and as we prayed over our diner and held hands we trust in a God bigger than his situation, that the prayer of blessing we prayed over that little life will surpass the dinner table and open up a life of more than we could possibly ask or imagine for this young ‘en.

Please pray for Thiri if you get a chance. We are at Brecocs tomorrow night. I pray he will hear more about Jesus.

Thanks for reading

A poetic view on comunity (if your intrested)

2009-06-09T05:53:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me to write a poem on community a while ago. So i did, coz im nice like that. So made the worlds worst video to go with it as I wasent there in person. If you like have a little look and see what you recon

cheers

Ah, let me see you shakin your boots, goin back to the old skool, back to ya roots.

2009-06-08T03:54:00.000-07:00

Listen to this while you read this post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOSESeSkVI0&feature=related

So, Friday was party time. Friday night we had a youth party, which is an outreach event. The youth are given invites to hand out and ask their friends to come along. However it doesn’t stop there. The team go down to the local high school, and begin to hand out close to 100 flyers to anyone who’s interested or that is walking past at the time. These guys have no fear in asking people to come, no worries of if they’ll like it, if it will be too cheesy, too heavy not interesting enough, backed by unrelenting faith in God, they relentlessly hand out invites to come meet with him. Interestingly a girl had just been shot, an hour or so before they got to the school so maybe the timing for people to be considering the big questions of life was all in God’s hands.
So at first maybe 20/30 kids roll in, the afternoon suns still warm and the venue is still bright, one young girl reads a poem, some of the young girls do a dance to a catchy little Albanian Christian number, we bust out a drama written by one of the youth, then after she explains the message and what it means to these kids. By this time the place had filled and there are knocking on to 100 young people there, a real mix of young city folk, gypsy kids, church youth and friends, plus a few token English and Americans to make up the numbers.
So I had to do the God slot, wot a privilege, to be able to present the message of Jesus to a full crowd of kids, some of who have never heard it before. Amazingly, and to my surprise, the place was basically quiet while the story was told. Good times.
Then we did some music business, now, I really don’t like to big myself up but let me paint you a picture. The night had now closed in, kids are packed around the central swimming pool, all pushing forward to see what’s happening, a few lights shed a little perspective on the scene. Young people of all colours and backgrounds ready to move. The unmistakable sound of ‘Smash TV’ by chase and status begins to rumble the speaker system which has already taken a battering. Then the moment we love the bass drops in the place erupts, drum and bass is not a known source of enjoyment in Kosovo so the BPM and the beat patterns are all new, I begin to roll a few bars, then the dance masses get into the groove. A little boy, maybe 10 at most, busts a bit of floor work ending in the splits. A kid does a back flip kick of the back wall, one guy that’s been waiting for his time moves in with a repertoire of amazing break dance moves, which tragically finish in being moved off the front area for being slightly inappropriate. Then in the climactic moment of the second drop one guy takes a stance on the raised end of the swimming pool and back flips into the empty pool maybe a meter and a half below.
After it disperses into the usual traditional dance styles around the pool to the Albanian sounds of Fonie and Pepe late into the night.
It was kool, (which translates into Albanian as kool) But all the action aside, there was a whole heap of kids that heard the gospel, in plan simple terms, in a way that was personal to them, and saw how you could have fun and still be a Christian. I’m so privileged to be part of this stuff, I love the way they just get the people there and trust God. It’s a lesson to us.

A proverbial slap in the face

2009-06-05T01:40:00.001-07:00

So the English are hear, they’ve been doing a lot of really good stuff.
We had a kids program to do in a village last night. Faton and kymalina were with the English guys so I went with the church team, which was kool. It’s always interesting coz I’m like a lost child, not knowing what’s actually going on. But it was kool.
At one point in the proceeding, I was over to one side and got kinda into a conversation with some of the older guys late 20’s early 30’s from the village (you know the ones who aren’t part of what’s going on, but seem to just be there, seeing what’s going on). They didn’t speak any English, but we had a conversation, one of the team looked over at one point and I gave a little smile, like ‘’Oh yeah, check me out, I’m engaging with the locals’’

So on the way home this same person turned to me and said ‘’you have good time, you speak with young man from village? I was like ‘’Yeah’’, feeling quite pleased with myself. Then they said, in the simplest terms and without even thinking about it, but in complete honesty and perfectly naturally ‘’you share for God?’’
It was like being slapped in the face again. A wake up call from the very guy who sent me here. The morning before one of the guys had shared about taking every opportunity. Something I myself have even shared on with people. I kinda shook it off by saying ‘’oh, they didn’t really speak English’’. But I was shaken, in all my efforts to fit in, to engage, to be, I hadn’t even considered God, Or at the very least, thought about how to say do you believe in Jesus?
This simple 4 word phrase is reshaping me, I’m sure it always should but right now, today it’s taken me back to a place of re thinking and prioritising. Which is a good place to be. I think?

Acts chapter one, and a bit of two if your still interested

2009-06-02T12:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I asked Pastor and Mrs Berisha out to lunch to review (it’s what us work folks like to do to make sure were on our game and don’t get fired) Also I’ve been thinking and observing to see what if anything I could bring to the table. Well the Gods story thing I think is still pressing . When you haven’t got the words to say trust in the word that breaths life yeah? (that sounds so corny). The guys here are kool and love the gospel but are all at really different stages of understanding of the word. I figured if we could put some kind of bible studding in place it would encourage people to read (hopefully) help people understand a bit deeper, give some insight into really being a follower of the way. Completely. Also it could be a paten that continues in home groups, which they would really like to do one day.
So we decided on, rather than the whole bible, we go for Acts, its a good place to start right? So in typical Kosovar tradition, he says good idea, shall we start tomorrow. I’m a little taken back but at this stage not shocked so set to work. Oh we also discussed prayer and the importance. How it is essential to our walk with God, not coz we get stuff but because it draws us closer to him. We talked about some teaching and church then 12 or 24 hours of prayer. They seem well up for it. Good times. But we’ll talk about that another time

So tonight we had our first bible study, the age range was old to young. When I say young, I mean 7. When I say old I mean 70 oh yes (give or take) So we jumped in, bit of background, author, dates reason, social setting (all learning styles gained directly from legendary bible scholar Daniel Jones) then we got into it. I think it went ok, some were defo into it, other were obviously not, but ya can’t please all the people all the time, right?.

So I though it went ok, but, Judge for yourselves by the questions that were asked at the end

‘’What do you think about the holly spirit, do you receive it when you receive Jesus or is it separate?’’
What bout baptism is being baptised in water simultaneous to being baptised by the spirit’’
‘’was Luke and acts one book first?’’
‘’If a man is bad all his life then accepts Jesus just before he dies will he go to heaven?’’
‘’If a family is cursed with a curse that passes from generation to generation, like it says in the bible, can it be broken?’’
Tragically I didn’t get to answer the last question but needless to say the guy who asked was quite interesting. I think we may have coffee with him in a few days.

I wasn’t sure people would be up for it but everyone said we could do it again next week

Kool roll on chapter 2.75.

I think you’re missing the point.

2009-06-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

Do you think God speaks in the randomness?

I think this is what Ive discovered

So God is the guy on the road, his heart is the melon, I’m the weird guy and the mattress is Gods Kingdom plan. And the third guy is Gods prophetic talking donkey, or in this case, the call to prayer from the local mosque

At least I think that’s wot has just unfolded in my time with God. Cheers Dad.

So Iv been hear a little while, I’m still kinda floating. Trying to find my place, but I was struck the other day by my relentless self centeredness. I pray a lot (well, relatively) But I’ve found myself praying a lot about myself, where do I fit God?, how can you use me?, what can I do to help?, what is my mission hear?. Where in, the point isn’t me its God, God is hear, he always has been, he’s been working here for a long time. The prayer should be for awakening, for uprising for outpouring for dreams and visions for unity. And if, after I’ve prayed Gods still got work for me to do, well pak a pak (little by little/step by step)

The water melon and the mattress (and how they relate to the philosophy of life)

2009-05-31T13:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this entire post is about a completely made up conversation of what might of happened if I understood Albanian and knew the people involved. I found it amusing so wrote it down. Feel free not to read this. However if you have literally nothing to do with your time feel free to read on and be hopefully amused by my imagination
So was on the way to a rondevu, rocking some sunglasses and looking dapper (I can say that coz by now you have all probably forgot completely what i actually look like) When I came across two men having a conversation by the side of the road.
Of course I had no idea what was being said, however the scean was somewhat odd. One man was standing on the pavement with a mattress (mattresses hear are smaller and thinner and made of form) It was folded in half and had an extremely large water melon on it, thus keeping it folded neatly, the other man was stood on the road looking somewhat puzzled by what he witnessed before him. They were exchanging words and as I passed by I imaged what on earth they may have been disusing and it actually made me laugh to myself in the street.

I think it went a bit like this
Man 1 ‘’So, I’ve got this water melon here, and you see how the precise weight and size holds this mattress of mine folded perfectly in half, leaving my hands fee to motion and gesture to you as I speak’’
Man 2 ‘’ Mmmm, I see how that’s working for you however, aren’t you missing the point slightly?. The water melon is ripe for eating, is it not? and is made for consumption, really you should lift it from the mattress and enjoy the juicy nourishing goodness it would provide’’
Man 1 ‘’ I agree the melon has been produced for the purpose of consumption and enjoyment of its owner however’’, he says while lifting the said water melon just enuff to show his point. ‘’If I lift the melon in question, even just slightly, my mattress will then, not be folded neatly as it is now before you. How would I then keep it folded in the same way. The melon is the perfect object to hold it in place’’
Man 2 seemingly un-fazed by the question why he would need a mattress to be folded by the side of the road continues ‘’I appreciate the point, and you portray it extremely well, however I think you are sadly missing the point of the water melon’’
Man 1 scratched his head now somewhat bemused by man 2’s inability to understand his logic. ‘’ What then would you suggest? how can we solve the issue in hand, it certainly is a conundrum to us both’’
A third man appears ‘’c’kemi (alright)’’ ‘’may I offer some advice?’’ ‘’Please do both men motion. Man 3 says I see the points from both sides and also notice the juxtaposition on life that is presented in this road side debate. Both are opinions are valid, will you use the item for its created purpose of will or indeed use it for what it was not created for to satisfy you need to resolve your issue?
All three men stand back and look blankly at the neatly folded mattress with the ripe water melon shining in the late afternoon sun
Man 3, after a long pause for dramatic effect, offers an incite ‘’I guess the question is this, will chose one of the two ways in front of you, or maybe, will you choose a higher way, the true way, the simple way. In segmenting the melon slowly you will be able to enjoy the natural nourishment that is intended on offer and slowly will be able to judge the amount required to hold the mattress in place, thus being able to receive both benefits in one while easing the decision and how this situation will play out. This involves thinking outside of the possibilities two a third option, perhaps some may say, A different perspective?

By this time I’m far gone and of course (as this is fictional) I never got to find out which decision was eventually taken. However one thing is sure and should not be forgotten.

But by this time my mind had wondered to the next random thought, seemingly interesting at the time, so in fact Idid forget.

It’s about time for a poetic perspective

2009-05-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

Is this what drowning feels like?

To be able to see the shifting shapes of the light among the mercy ripples
But somehow,
to keep going down
Is this what it feels like to drown?
Abandoned the wise words of wisdom, given
Saying ‘’what good are they to me know?’’
Survival instincts kicked in
Holding breath
Trying, holding on
Desperately reaching
But yet
Hopelessly sinking
From a world
That barely noticed I’d gone

Falling and failing
in each desperate second
Hoping that it wasn’t last

Is this what it feels like to go down?
Still reaching for the light
It’s still just in sight

With every ounce of strength and energy
Every breath I’ve got left in me
Self indulgent motives and focuses lay heavily
Helping
and holding
me down
And the light
Keeps its distance
Regardless of perseverance

So then, just stop
Forget wots on top
Concentrate now
You got hear some how

All the surroundings are hazy
I can barely see wot’s lying in front of me
Holding on to what’s just about holding on to me
Feeling like I can see it slipping away, tragically slowly
So I can watch while it’s taken away
Weightless I’m floating
Held in the uncontrolled emotions
That the move with the waters motion
Lost to the senses

Then a hand
reaches in

Just maybe, I’m gonna be all right?

So reach for it and grip it tight
As it pulls with confidence that I will make it out of this
And holds on to you,
Real tight

From the depths of desperation
Senseless, self obsessed
and consumed lost to darkness
Of split seconds that fell like a life time

Now,
Re focus,

Switching the kaleidoscope you’ve been viewing through
to clear,
concise
focus
Round the way thinking too much
A loss of perspective
Like gazing through the frosted perspects
And how I tinted this view with my perspective

It’s getting closer now

The freshness of air
The counter action to despair
Keeping your fixed focus there

Pulled out,
Takes the breath away
Who’s Idea was it ta get out of the boat anyway

Seemed like a good idea at the time

But,

When I looked at it with my natural eyes
Figured I must be out
of my tinny little, over thinking, mind

I Lost direction
Took eyes off the source
That’s when I started going down

But I’m clinging to those wise words now

In Total belief
Ok
I’m prepared
Let’s have another go now.

Wot more can I say

2009-05-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

Wot more can I say?

Three valuable lessons

2009-05-26T12:24:00.001-07:00

Lesson 1) Learning to find God in a culture - On the left is the clock tower the symbol, and strength of Gjakova. Next is one of many Muslim mosque towers from which the call to prayer rings out 5 times a day a day across the city. Next is the imposing catholic cathedral that is still under construction and, thousands of pounds later is still, not open, however continues to dominates the sky line. Here are the imposing features of the Gjakova skyline. Where do you see god?
Lesson 2) Take the opportunity to speak. Speak up when you have the chance.
"I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."
7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.
9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."
Lessons 3) don’t leave the toaster on.