Perfect love drives out all fear???

When you were little did you dream of anything, doing something, being something? Did you get there???

When I was little I really wanted to be having fun, running about with other kids, but there were certain thing that I was just too scared to do. I’m not talking about jumping off diving boards I’m talking little things, putting your hand up in class, I was too scared to get something wrong. Going swimming coz I wasn’t very good at it, Volunteering to do things, coz I was scared I didn’t know what would happen or who I would have to do it with.

When I a bit older I didn’t really want to get into drugs (I don’t think) I just was scared about not fitting in with anyone and if I didn’t do what they were doing I wouldn’t have friends and I wouldn’t have fun.

When I was about 13 I heard Jumping Jack frost on kiss 100 play ‘Candles’ by Alex Reece, a little while later I heard Eksman and Herbsy on cindicutt fm. I was hooked. I wanted to be a drum and bass MC, so I started my journey, listening ,imitating, reciting, writing, recording and mastering my style. I had so many opportunities to make a go of it. BUT I was scared, scared of what people would think, scared of the pressure, scared I Would actually make it then I would have to really be good all the time, so I bottled out loads of times, or I didn’t even try.

It took about 8 years to make it from the bedroom decks to the airwaves of 90.8, and even then it wasn’t till a good friend got on that I was able to follow that dream. I loved it and I’m truly grateful to God and my pal for that, but I couldn’t help thinking of all the times I could of pushed to be there earlier. I’m sure the timing wasn’t right, but there were so many opportunities that I could have reached for but didn’t. I was scared, scared that I wasn’t good enough.

I’ve carried that a lot through life. I’ve been a fearful guy. I don’t mean to be, and most of the time I don’t think I am, but subconsciously I cover it “Na I’m not gonna do that coz I haven’t got time” “Na I don’t think this is the right thing at the moment” “I’m just gonna let someone else do that” Now to be fair all these reasons are right, at a time, but all the time????

The Bible say’s ‘..perfect love drive out all fear!’, So, fear isn’t from God right? But what if you’re scared.? “Be bold and courageous, DO NOT BE AFRAID”

I’m in love, I can’t say it’s perfect love coz that comes from God himself, but, in being in this relationship I can see glimpses of God’s love. That gentle hand that guides at times, but also that strong voices that says, “will you trust me?, will YOU go there for me, I know you don’t know where or even how you will get their BUT, will YOU go for me?”. I like to think I’ve learned a lot about trusting God this past 2 years and I’m sure I have I really have, BUT I have also always had a back up. These days I don’t have a back up. All that has kinda been used. So now, it’s about trust. Bare naked trust. And it scares me.

The most influential MC I ever heard when I was young was a guy called Fearless. Ironic, now 10 years or more on, that I only just realised that maybe he had more than just crowd hyping skills to teach me.

I love God, and I want to do whatever he has lined up, I love to dream, and I have some things that I believe God birthed in me, many years ago that I really would love simply to try, to trust, to see, and to do to bring glory to God, to celebrate that gift he has put in me, but have never pushed coz well, I was too scared of failing, and never believed in myself.

But figure God is like a Dad right?

I remember learning to ride a bike, my Day would hold the bike up steady, get in balance, walk beside me as I rode, all the while saying “you’re doing well keep going, you’re going to get it, well done, you’re doing great” sometimes it would work, sometimes I would fall flat on my face, but if I did, he would pick me up, dust me off and still say “well done son lets have another go”

I think today via the voice of a prophetess, and out of love, God dusted off some old dream and said son, do you trust me?

Do you trust God enough to dream????? I’m still learning. Do you think you ever really get it?

OK guy's, Lets shake it ALL out now.

So Ive been in America for over a week. IT WAS WICKED TO BE WITH MY LITTLE LADY. We r simply loving being simply normal, and just appreciating walks in the city, shopping, cooking dinner and life stuff, ahhhhhhh, it’s nice to breath out for a while.

That being said, America! So it’s like England (at least that’s what they want you to think???) but!

“Hey do i detect and accent there” “Yeah mate” “Don’t tell me.....Austrailian?” “No!”

Do I sound Australian? I don’t think so, I lived with someone from Australia but my common folk Essex slang, I think is pretty clearly English? I don’t know.

So I’m doing a couple days at this place called the Recovery cafe, which let me tell you is amazing. The ethos, the idea the community spirit is wonderful and simple and so deep at the same time.

www.recoverycafe.org do check it out its such a great and positive project. I had a couple of days there but in that short time I heard story after story of how this place is a real life line and a community no a family to those who just don’t have that.

But...being America, and being a place that offers classes for the whole well being of a person there are a few ‘interesting’ classes on offer.

So, picture the scene, we are sitting by the entrance, the class is about to start, one of the managers is chatting to a guy, “hey you should do this class it would be real helpful and fun for you” now this guy don’t wanna do the class, so after the 2 of 3^rd time of asking they are just about to give up when he lets out a “Steve. Ill do it if you do” Now it’s fair to say I don’t have any idea what this class was, but I figure if it help this guy get in there, what is there to lose? “Ok sunshine I’m it if you are”, What’s the worst that can happen? it’s gonna be listening to some motivational self-help, personal development stuff, kool I’m all about that.

NO, no it isn’t, ‘interplay’, is the name of the class – and there will be NO sitting and listing here people

“Ok guys, today we are going to experiment with our bodies and our voices, let’s just see how we can connect with our inner selves”

“Ok guys let’s just be loose and shake it all out, come on now don’t be tight, just shake it out, really you can do this any time, just shake your body all over to release all the tension of the day”

“ok lets all make a note from our mouths together, this is one way we can be connected as people”

“ok let all make a different note with our voices, this is one way we can all be individual”

“I think its so kool that by simply allowing our hands to dance we can become so much free’er of all the pressures of the world”

Yes my friends this was a real class. My goodness. So as we left that same lady came to me and this fella, and said so was it fun, he smiled and looked at me and said throw gritted teeth Mmmm thanks Steve. Ha ha, to be fair most people in the group did find it helpful and beneficial. Each to their own I guess, or more to the point we are all different parts of the same body right? I guess the hand isn’t so impressed by a beautiful painting as the eye is right?

Ah America, world apart yet best pals? To be fair I do love it here, I love driving on the wrong / right side of the road, I love that people are so friendly that the guy in front of us in the market que offered us a lift home, I love the accent, I love the enthusiasm but most of all i simply love being here with someone special.

Ill keep ya posted.