I think, I er, lost the plot a little. Well that is to say I wondered a bit from the track, or lost sight of the end goal, or whatever other analogies you wanna, use you get the picture.
I just read something I wrote after my year out today, after as a group of friends on a journey of discovery had delved deeper and deeper into God, into mission and into seeking justice. We had talked late nights over about what it was to be church, to be the hands and feet of Jesus, I had banged on time after time about getting our hands dirty. I had travelled far and wide to seek out what God was up to and how to get involved. I’d been shaped, re shaped, broken and remade and I felt I was ready....hahahah, little did I know. In his wisdom I had more to learn and God gave a safer environment to do that in which was fun challenging growing and I believe fruitful.
So then came the time to do the talk, to get deep in.
Now
here I am,
use me.
Mould me shape me
Let the things that break you, begin to break me
And I’m right here and I’m ready so
Now’s the time
The battle fields open
And this soldier...
Is ready (this is the end of a lill poetry I had written at the time)
I’m not sure where or when it happens, is it the point where dreams become reality, or when reality hits, or when the real shit hits the fan? I’m not sure but somewhere along the line the realness of lives, mess, pieces and hope become a job! I hate to say it but it does. The life I was so desperate to live has become ‘what I do’, I love it to be sure, but I have grown a little tired (already) I get sucked into so many situations that I just sometimes wanna just do something a little more normal (just fir a moment)
Ha its funny how you glamorise things, callings, visions. But today I was draw back to the heart of it. I have a pray wall up in my room. It kind makes me look a bit spiritual whenever someone sees it, but the reality is I just write thing on there as reminders that I then forget to pray about. At the top it says “my prayer is this....” at the bottom it says “it all begins in prayer” I walk past that wall so many times a day but don’t read either. Tonight i prayed, not long or intense but I started to feel the buzz, you know that sprit wind kinda thing that makes you sit up a little and concentrate a little more?
I love what I do, I really do, I just sometimes forget why I do it and how big it is. I forget that it really was God that led me to be here. My boss has been talking about us being ambassadors of Jesus lately in this role and just how important that is. I have been an ambassador for out4good, for nice guys, for getting things done, for giving people lifts for Frontier Youth Trust, and I pray for this god/guy called Jesus. But i think it’s time to shuffle that list around a bit.
Now it’s our time and it’s our turn
To be the people he longs for us ta be
To see the things he’s promised us,
That will see
(Greater things than these)
So what you waiting for?
Get out there
And just simply
start
to be.
Time to do wot I talk about right??
