I don’t think anything will surprise me now in Kosova. I’m was just in the bedroom, its 1.30am and there’s a wedding party going on. To my surprise and horror they were playing cotton eye Joe (you remember the one) Strange. N E Way that’s an aside
So, sparked on by a conversation about devoice, relationships and love with some Christian locals and a Muslim man. Then speaking to simmo on our way to a little farewell dinner, I started to consider love. So, in the famous words of Peter How How, ‘’wots all this about then?’’.
Simmo mentioned this list idea. You know when you write a list of all the things that you would like in a perfect partner even down to the smallest details of hair colour and shoe size, and then you pray that God will provide the perfect person for you?
I have to say I’m not so much of a fan of this idea myself. Having participated somewhat in the past and having my deepest hopes and dreams shattered, my views are now somewhat different. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the idea, if it worked for the legendary Bersiha, I’m sure it can for any of us but these days I prefer to think of it like this.......
I like to think that maybe you cross paths with someone; maybe it’s so unexpected at first that you don’t even see it coming. Maybe this person doesn’t fit any of the things that you might write on a list but there’s something in them, a glow that radiates from them, something you can’t see but it’s so obviously there, something that inspires you. Maybe you don’t have so much in common but through interaction, simply spending time together you begin to inspire one another. Maybe you would grow together as friends without any preconceived ideas to hinder the way you act towards this person. Then, maybe their personality becomes one that you simply can’t do without. Perhaps the way they live life inspires you to live. On occasion maybe you disagree with everything they say about something but in that you can see the diversities of life and how terrifyingly massive our God is. And maybe they push you towards God, through conversations and shared life their passion and desire to live like Jesus is something that churns up your innermost being in such a way that you can’t deny anything about God and wanna give him everything no matter wot the cost. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t, but I’ve come to believe that twisted crossed lives sold out for God have some way of connecting people, that would normally not be connected, but that can find something so special that they would never have even considered, let alone be able to put into the word to write on any list, but that just the notion of sounds perfect. It shouldn’t work. But, I like to think that in some way for someone, that’s lucky enuff to find it, and brave enuff to step into it. Maybe, it can happen.
Well, that’s what I dream. How about you?
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At it's best, the 'list' idea is a good way of understanding yourself better and of thinking about relationships beyond the level of immediate feelings. Compatibility matters, especially in the areas of personality types, important life aspirations and decisions. Areas you fit well together are a source of strength and energy, while areas you don't require a constant input of energy and grace to cover them. If the balance is too negative the relationship requires ongoing effort just to keep it on the rails, and is in danger when external troubles come along and add to the internal pressures.
ReplyDeleteAt its worst, of course, the list thing is consumeristic, self centred, unrealistic, and a recipe for missing a great person when they come along cos they don't quite tick all of your naively defined boxes ;)
...and I definitely reckon that if you both have God as your primary focus, it brings incredible power and grace to the relationship and avoids it collapsing under the impossible weight of expecting what only God can provide from another human being.
I ABSOLUTELY loved this post!!! M.xx
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