Perfect love drives out all fear???

When you were little did you dream of anything, doing something, being something? Did you get there???

When I was little I really wanted to be having fun, running about with other kids, but there were certain thing that I was just too scared to do. I’m not talking about jumping off diving boards I’m talking little things, putting your hand up in class, I was too scared to get something wrong. Going swimming coz I wasn’t very good at it, Volunteering to do things, coz I was scared I didn’t know what would happen or who I would have to do it with.

When I a bit older I didn’t really want to get into drugs (I don’t think) I just was scared about not fitting in with anyone and if I didn’t do what they were doing I wouldn’t have friends and I wouldn’t have fun.

When I was about 13 I heard Jumping Jack frost on kiss 100 play ‘Candles’ by Alex Reece, a little while later I heard Eksman and Herbsy on cindicutt fm. I was hooked. I wanted to be a drum and bass MC, so I started my journey, listening ,imitating, reciting, writing, recording and mastering my style. I had so many opportunities to make a go of it. BUT I was scared, scared of what people would think, scared of the pressure, scared I Would actually make it then I would have to really be good all the time, so I bottled out loads of times, or I didn’t even try.

It took about 8 years to make it from the bedroom decks to the airwaves of 90.8, and even then it wasn’t till a good friend got on that I was able to follow that dream. I loved it and I’m truly grateful to God and my pal for that, but I couldn’t help thinking of all the times I could of pushed to be there earlier. I’m sure the timing wasn’t right, but there were so many opportunities that I could have reached for but didn’t. I was scared, scared that I wasn’t good enough.

I’ve carried that a lot through life. I’ve been a fearful guy. I don’t mean to be, and most of the time I don’t think I am, but subconsciously I cover it “Na I’m not gonna do that coz I haven’t got time” “Na I don’t think this is the right thing at the moment” “I’m just gonna let someone else do that” Now to be fair all these reasons are right, at a time, but all the time????

The Bible say’s ‘..perfect love drive out all fear!’, So, fear isn’t from God right? But what if you’re scared.? “Be bold and courageous, DO NOT BE AFRAID”

I’m in love, I can’t say it’s perfect love coz that comes from God himself, but, in being in this relationship I can see glimpses of God’s love. That gentle hand that guides at times, but also that strong voices that says, “will you trust me?, will YOU go there for me, I know you don’t know where or even how you will get their BUT, will YOU go for me?”. I like to think I’ve learned a lot about trusting God this past 2 years and I’m sure I have I really have, BUT I have also always had a back up. These days I don’t have a back up. All that has kinda been used. So now, it’s about trust. Bare naked trust. And it scares me.

The most influential MC I ever heard when I was young was a guy called Fearless. Ironic, now 10 years or more on, that I only just realised that maybe he had more than just crowd hyping skills to teach me.

I love God, and I want to do whatever he has lined up, I love to dream, and I have some things that I believe God birthed in me, many years ago that I really would love simply to try, to trust, to see, and to do to bring glory to God, to celebrate that gift he has put in me, but have never pushed coz well, I was too scared of failing, and never believed in myself.

But figure God is like a Dad right?

I remember learning to ride a bike, my Day would hold the bike up steady, get in balance, walk beside me as I rode, all the while saying “you’re doing well keep going, you’re going to get it, well done, you’re doing great” sometimes it would work, sometimes I would fall flat on my face, but if I did, he would pick me up, dust me off and still say “well done son lets have another go”

I think today via the voice of a prophetess, and out of love, God dusted off some old dream and said son, do you trust me?

Do you trust God enough to dream????? I’m still learning. Do you think you ever really get it?

OK guy's, Lets shake it ALL out now.

So Ive been in America for over a week. IT WAS WICKED TO BE WITH MY LITTLE LADY. We r simply loving being simply normal, and just appreciating walks in the city, shopping, cooking dinner and life stuff, ahhhhhhh, it’s nice to breath out for a while.

That being said, America! So it’s like England (at least that’s what they want you to think???) but!

“Hey do i detect and accent there” “Yeah mate” “Don’t tell me.....Austrailian?” “No!”

Do I sound Australian? I don’t think so, I lived with someone from Australia but my common folk Essex slang, I think is pretty clearly English? I don’t know.

So I’m doing a couple days at this place called the Recovery cafe, which let me tell you is amazing. The ethos, the idea the community spirit is wonderful and simple and so deep at the same time.

www.recoverycafe.org do check it out its such a great and positive project. I had a couple of days there but in that short time I heard story after story of how this place is a real life line and a community no a family to those who just don’t have that.

But...being America, and being a place that offers classes for the whole well being of a person there are a few ‘interesting’ classes on offer.

So, picture the scene, we are sitting by the entrance, the class is about to start, one of the managers is chatting to a guy, “hey you should do this class it would be real helpful and fun for you” now this guy don’t wanna do the class, so after the 2 of 3^rd time of asking they are just about to give up when he lets out a “Steve. Ill do it if you do” Now it’s fair to say I don’t have any idea what this class was, but I figure if it help this guy get in there, what is there to lose? “Ok sunshine I’m it if you are”, What’s the worst that can happen? it’s gonna be listening to some motivational self-help, personal development stuff, kool I’m all about that.

NO, no it isn’t, ‘interplay’, is the name of the class – and there will be NO sitting and listing here people

“Ok guys, today we are going to experiment with our bodies and our voices, let’s just see how we can connect with our inner selves”

“Ok guys let’s just be loose and shake it all out, come on now don’t be tight, just shake it out, really you can do this any time, just shake your body all over to release all the tension of the day”

“ok lets all make a note from our mouths together, this is one way we can be connected as people”

“ok let all make a different note with our voices, this is one way we can all be individual”

“I think its so kool that by simply allowing our hands to dance we can become so much free’er of all the pressures of the world”

Yes my friends this was a real class. My goodness. So as we left that same lady came to me and this fella, and said so was it fun, he smiled and looked at me and said throw gritted teeth Mmmm thanks Steve. Ha ha, to be fair most people in the group did find it helpful and beneficial. Each to their own I guess, or more to the point we are all different parts of the same body right? I guess the hand isn’t so impressed by a beautiful painting as the eye is right?

Ah America, world apart yet best pals? To be fair I do love it here, I love driving on the wrong / right side of the road, I love that people are so friendly that the guy in front of us in the market que offered us a lift home, I love the accent, I love the enthusiasm but most of all i simply love being here with someone special.

Ill keep ya posted.

cafe del mar sunset and an incredible God

The warmth has gone

The light lays hidden behind the unexpected mist

The melodic soulful ambiance creates the backdrop to the ever-present air of expectance

We all exercise a degree of forced patience

One solitary fisherman patrols the vast expanse and almost seems

Insignificant

In comparison to the ocean

The backdrop moves in slow motion

Eyes patrol in the same direction

And give a subtle impression

That we are all people

Of expectance

Yet for my in experience

My heart beats just a little faster

For what it is for which we wait

Waiting and watching, watching and waiting

All aware

but know one saying

Yet we all sit

And watch

the same

Some every day folk

Some Day to day folk

Some claiming celebrity status

Some just here to play folks

Yet we all sit and wait

The same

The colours blend to create

And to paint

An undisputed masterpiece

Naturally made

As if pinned of hung from 4 corners

the largest piece of priceless artwork freely on display

And it shows its self today

as every other day

Without fail

Many things brought us here today

Different circumstances will create the crowd

And different ones will create it again in a different way the following day

But for today

For this specific moment

Of this specific day and point in history

For this specific display

It is here and now.

That we wait

Wots the difference in this miss matched rag tag band of unusual characters

That have gathered from far and wide

but all looking in the same direction?

All looking the same way

As the sun sets

Its as if the maker

Is sitting back with arms folded and with a little smirk as if to say

“wot more can I say”

The difference I guess

That someone took the time to explain to others

Why it is that the sun fades

And wot happens to it the next day

And how to operate when the day is claimed

by the dark

And someone told them how to explain

To the next person,

In the hope that they would take the opportunity to do the same

So we all sit here again

Different

Yet in some sense

The same

And we wait

For the end of the day

John 1 v 1-5

From the start it seemed to start with me

I say me from in the 3^rd degree

He in they and they insidea me

That’s simply where it started see

We exist in perfect harmony

The embodiment of community

For some the simplicities hard to see

Coz I am him and he is me

All things created came from me

Nothing made apart from me

I stood hand in hand with the creator

I watched the joy it brought to make ya

In unity we stand together

Before time and space and earth and weather

I’m with you as we take this journey together

I wasn’t a 2^nd thought

I wasn’t a last resort

I wasn’t what happened when we got caught

Out, to form a way back in

I was in him from the very beginning

This is the truth I came to bring

The joy of which I’m living in

The salvation for a world of sin

But hold on, we’ll get to that part lata

Who I am is simply life itself

It doesn’t come with position status or wealth

It lays hidden deep inside yourself

In a dusty box up on the top shelf

The one you can’t quite reach yourself

But you know it’s there

Sometimes you don’t see it there

But deep inside you know it’s there

It seems to just elude your stare

Sometimes you even forget it’s there

Or it gets covered up

And left

But what I have

I’ve come to share

It sits deep inside the guts of me

It’s been there for eternity

It’s the light by which we all can see

It outshines the dark around you see

Nothing gets away from me

It hides but the light will find it, and blind it

And that’s when you truly see

It burns with deep intensity

It’s what all creation longs to see

It shines for all eternity

It’s what will bring you back to me

It’s what can’t be stopped

It’s what can’t be hidden in a box

time ticks

Time ticks

But

Clocks don’t stop..

One headphone offers the spoken word of Gill Scott Heron

And I too wonder ‘where did the night go’

Carefully avoiding yesterdays reminence on the pavement

Misplaced investments and modern day enslavements

That’s when I saw him

He was older than times gone past

But seemed younger at a second glance

Time had took its toll on him

But he seemed to take it

Simply

But

He seemed to have some kinda of iner-glow that eluded, being extinguished

It seemed to BE the core of him

I didn’t say a word, but somehow

He saw within

He recounted times past long before

I had to smile as we toured

Significant moments large and to some seemingly small

But to me not at all

From that small blond haired boy, with not a care in the world

To a family upbringing, not bad at all

Then suddenly he stopped

And looked up

In the back of his eyes formed tears

That had stayed there for years longing to be cried

But never found there time

He saw the kid with the faded baseball cap

Zoot in hand spittin drum and bass chat

Telling stories of how he’s all that

But really

He was just lost

He been pointed in the right direction on the right path

But in distraction he’d got lost

And the saddest part of history recounted

Was that he didn’t even know it

This man then looked up at me

With a look of vague intensity

Not so much offering a word to me

Then conversed with something deep within me

He knew where i’d been

And as if a concept seldom seen

Somehow, he’d been there too

His overcoat told a story

Of too many night

Under stars and street lights

His shoes had seem a 100 miles

Ontop of that 1000 miles

And 1000 more still to come

He had more miles to walk, more needs done

His eyes

They spoke with intensity

Of depth and clarity of real life

He took me back to place’s and times

That i didn’t even remember or couldn’t find

In my

Mixed up confused battered over time mind

He said “you don’t remember these coz these ones you tried to hide”

These pictures hurt

They spoke of negativity and no sense of self worth

They unleashed the beast of fear of failing

Uncovered the whole of rejection I often fell in

The dark began to sink in

As I sunk into these memories and feelings

I couldn’t stand, so on this guy I’m leaning

It’s like these times were standing screaming

But with one hand firmly planted on my shoulder

His drawn face seemingly older

Penetrated the stone cold

And told

Another side to the story

He guided me through it slowly, in vivid detailed imagery

Though all were distant memories

He showed me, so I could see

This guy

Standing right beside of me!

His over coat this time was slightly more tidy

The shoes he rocked, far less grimy

But the eyes that now see inside of me

Still pierced with the same level of intensity

As they did that very day

As i drifted

He followed

as i shifted

he pulled

but i ignored

he waved

but i never saw

but he never left

Na......never

Now here we sit in a darkened ally on a shop step

Heads a mess

Full of sorrow and regret

He say

“hold on, let’s not go there yet”

Then he hands an envelope over

I open it eagerly

With hope to think of what it might just be

Then that excitement drifts away from me

When I screwed up blank piece of paper is all that lays in front of me

“This is the way of the path less travelled”

He utters eagerly as if to breathe some life into me

“I don’t get it, are you joking me?”

Then in the truest ever sense of the saying in exact Jack Bower style and fashion, he say’s “you just gotta trust me”

At once I’m struck with the immense se-realness of the situation

That’s been unfolding and how ridicules it all seems

And that just seems to make him smile

I look at the paper again

The first steps appear

As I walk forward

More seem to be reviled

Turnings appear

I took a right

Then the map seemed to slowly recount my steps

To the place I just left

But the lessons I learned help me make the decision

And i feel far less stressed and at this point I take a left

Now it took a few years

To get from there to hear

The roads been narrow

But, that’s how it was always gonna be

Sometimes it gets on top of me

But when it does and it seems to much for me

I take a glance to the other side to see

To that same guy

Who’s always there with me

The green overcoat seems somewhat older

And the shoes have walked plenty more roads

But those eyes

They still look straight at me

And the voice

It still speaks to me

“you just gotta trust me”

AbOvE aLl

Above all

See the trees sway standing in military lines in the sky ever so tall

Above all

See the blue sky kiss the mountain tops, where the sky starts and the land stops

Above all, Above all

Watch the clouds move effortlessly, incredibly across the vast expanse of sky, before my eyes

Above all

See the air above alight with millions of stars at night and the elimination of the moon

Above All, Above All

My 5 foot 5 frame doesn’t stand particularly tall

Sometimes I feel overshadowed by it all

I wanna climb that mountain and reach the sky

I wanna run under the stars of the clear night sky and reach up to the light above

But I can’t reach

Sometimes the shade of the mountains covers me, from my head to my tiny little feet

But as I walk

I won’t admit defeat

Can’t let this get the better of me

Coz my eyes were opened, so that I could see

I may have taken some wrong turn but that’s where you found me

So No

I wont let Go

Coz I don’t wanna stay down here bellow

Although, I may be small

Your grace lifts me up

Above it all

Never trust a man with a limp

Coz that man aint done the wrestling

And I can’t tell you that I’m better then

Or that I know any more than the rest of them

Coz I sometimes find my feet again

But all too quick I lose my stance again

And on something’s I am still wrestling

But I’m seeking out the best and then

Making myself less

So hopefully there’ll be less mess

Then you can all that’s left

And that’s where I find rest

And where I’m truly blessed

I use a pen to paint a picture

Deep rooted in scripture

And tell you taht your blessed

When you stay on the right path

That was laid out for you to follow

Coz he set you the right way to live

Mind your step

Slow your roll

Keep to the path that’s been set

And there, you can live without regret

Coz I followed the road of righteousness

Then you’ll be blessed

Maybe your feet are small

Maybe you don’t know you call

Maybe you don’t even know him at all

But right hear let me tell you, this is your call

“Come to me, run to me”

“Sometimes it’s a fight but I laid out the road for you to get to me”

“And if you fall I’ll pick you up, dust you off and stand you back up right next to me”

Coz after all

No matter how tuff it gets

Or how you might feel small

His desire is for you to love him

So he can simply love you more

He stands with arms open wide

Waiting

Above all

What do we do when we pray?

Genesis 18 16 - 33

What do we do when we pray?

Sure, it’s nice and we got plenty to say

And maybe people’ll look at us and be moved and impressed by our seemingly compassionate words

Or how our seemingly broken hearts are portrayed?

But,

Does anything ACTULLY change?

Yeah, I know we talk a good game,

But does God, really hear these feeble attempts, these heartfelt cries, these most basic of words that only just about seem to reflect what we see with or natural eyes?

Maybe

Well

Let me paint you a picture

With a little help from scripture

(And, for the purposes of creating some visual imagery and expressing a little poetic licence, I will play the main part)

So I’m just sitting here

in the heat of the day

Jus lounging coz life’s been running away

The great trees are tall, and I’m loving the shade

But, my days about to change

Then

I’m awoken, by 3 figures in the distance,

This sets my mind skipping

They look like normal men, but there’s something distinctly different

It’s like standing in the presence of greatness

It’s like Gods right here, but he’s not, err well, I can’t really explain this

So I approach, I’m weary and nervous but

These guys seem to posses something that I simply can’t, not be around

Events unfold, stories get told

The likes of which my mind can’t even hold

But as the time comes to a close

The strangers stand to leave

But there’s something in them that seem to just call out to me?

So I follow, confused, but, expectantly

It’s as if....

There’s some kind of job, they have for me?

So we stroll a while and take in the view

The 3 seem to carry a wisdom that I can’t quite comprehend,

it’s in that vibe they send

It’s not shaped by words but by some kind of presence they exude????

They lead me up a narrow hill pass,

And as the evening closes in and the darkness starts to consume all that it sees

As we reach the brink of the hill

The cool of the night brings and uncomfortable chill

The night stands still

We gaze upon the view in front of us

And at the view, we stop

Below us lies the great city

And such pain screams out from the depths of it at such a level it just can’t be missed

Suddenly

As if he’d always been a part of me

GOD himself is standing right beside me

He simply says “I can’t take this”

“There needs to be an end to this”

Then there’s a moment to pause and reflect on the words in silence

A sudden rush fills my insides, and it’s not out of any sense of pride, or to mask any ideas of selfishness that manifest from inside

But as if prompted by some sense that my words could actually make a change

I blurt out some words, like my tongue cant be contained

“This can’t happen” I say

“There must be another way”

What if 50 good people were left in that city today?

Surly those lives are worth something,

No life is worth nothing?

OK

These strong humble words, speak of such faith and hope

Now I’m developing a lump in my throat

Coz, I don’t think I’m done

My faith and compassion are high

And I know I’m not talking to any ordinary guy

And that’s why

I feel I should say

“What if it’s a few less than that number left today?”

And so we go on, back and forth in heated debate

But unlike any bidding was I ever saw

The numbers don’t saw, but fall?

Back to back we let words ignite

And as the evening becomes the daylight

I finish my pledge

Just 10 left

What if just 10 were left

Please

Don’t leave this city for dead

Huh, you’ll never guess what he said....

Then I’m back to the here and now

Same heart, same mind, but living for now

And I’m left high above our own fair town

Right here

right now.

And as I observe with compassion in heart and a bright hope in hand, I begin to relies that I can’t save it.

At times I’d like to but

I can’t save it

But maybe

Dare I even consider?

That perhaps

My prayers could help change it?

Maybe this God can change it?

What if we could stand?

With truth in hand

Compassion in heart for this broken land

And simply ask God, to spare this town?

A rush of faith runs down my spine

I start to consider that these words of mine

Could play some tiny part, in Gods eternal plan.

So now, here I am

Only offering words

Simple words and a hope that God hears them tonight

If all I can do is cry out to you,

For the lives of these people then that’s what Ill dedicate myself to

And maybe you don’t know if it’s gonna work or if these words are true

But please

Put some hope in the same God of the first farther of faith, the first of the jews

And plead with me,

That hope grace and justice, might reign true

My prayer is simple

Your kingdom come

Your will be done

As it is up there,

Down hear let it come

In the lives of ............................(add your own names here)

Please, save our town,

Start in us

Start tonight

And then my mind turns to think

Was it God who’s heart that was turned?

Or was it me who’s only just starting to learn.......?