Errrrrrr......

I think, I er, lost the plot a little. Well that is to say I wondered a bit from the track, or lost sight of the end goal, or whatever other analogies you wanna, use you get the picture.

I just read something I wrote after my year out today, after as a group of friends on a journey of discovery had delved deeper and deeper into God, into mission and into seeking justice. We had talked late nights over about what it was to be church, to be the hands and feet of Jesus, I had banged on time after time about getting our hands dirty. I had travelled far and wide to seek out what God was up to and how to get involved. I’d been shaped, re shaped, broken and remade and I felt I was ready....hahahah, little did I know. In his wisdom I had more to learn and God gave a safer environment to do that in which was fun challenging growing and I believe fruitful.

So then came the time to do the talk, to get deep in.

Now

here I am,

use me.

Mould me shape me

Let the things that break you, begin to break me

And I’m right here and I’m ready so

Now’s the time

The battle fields open

And this soldier...

Is ready (this is the end of a lill poetry I had written at the time)

I’m not sure where or when it happens, is it the point where dreams become reality, or when reality hits, or when the real shit hits the fan? I’m not sure but somewhere along the line the realness of lives, mess, pieces and hope become a job! I hate to say it but it does. The life I was so desperate to live has become ‘what I do’, I love it to be sure, but I have grown a little tired (already) I get sucked into so many situations that I just sometimes wanna just do something a little more normal (just fir a moment)

Ha its funny how you glamorise things, callings, visions. But today I was draw back to the heart of it. I have a pray wall up in my room. It kind makes me look a bit spiritual whenever someone sees it, but the reality is I just write thing on there as reminders that I then forget to pray about. At the top it says “my prayer is this....” at the bottom it says “it all begins in prayer” I walk past that wall so many times a day but don’t read either. Tonight i prayed, not long or intense but I started to feel the buzz, you know that sprit wind kinda thing that makes you sit up a little and concentrate a little more?

I love what I do, I really do, I just sometimes forget why I do it and how big it is. I forget that it really was God that led me to be here. My boss has been talking about us being ambassadors of Jesus lately in this role and just how important that is. I have been an ambassador for out4good, for nice guys, for getting things done, for giving people lifts for Frontier Youth Trust, and I pray for this god/guy called Jesus. But i think it’s time to shuffle that list around a bit.

Now it’s our time and it’s our turn

To be the people he longs for us ta be

To see the things he’s promised us,

That will see

(Greater things than these)

So what you waiting for?

Get out there

And just simply

start

to be.

Time to do wot I talk about right??

St Brendon

Today I sat in a ‘traditional 1980’s church, the type I grew up in. The type my Dad use to lead and the type Id fallen asleep in too many times. Yet this time it was different.

It was all about supporting ‘the Abbyfield community project’ of which Richard Smith (of Colchester Boiler room community) is an employee. As I sat on the front row (yep the front row) the sight was strangely exciting. Behind the sea of gray hair, shocking electro piano backed with per-recorded electro drum lead worship, under the standard collage style hanging material, was something quite beautiful. 3 Church of England vicars, two Methodist ministers, one Baptist minister and a united reform fella (who didn’t quite make it) and our very own Richard Smith. All together to back a church planting, community building, relationship growing thing. It was beautiful.

Yeah I could tear into the meeting layout, the stand up sit down, Yes and amen sandwich. We could laugh at the oldest of old skool songs or threat about the lack of anyone under 55. But the fact remains 6 churches, in the same building supporting the greater good and loving Jesus. Simple, and beautiful

After a mammoth week of a lot of hours, confusion and disappointment. The realisation of not knowing much and not having anyone to talk about it with, tonight I heard a prayer.

This is the prayer or St Brendon the 2^nd most famous Irish Saint (apparently) He was famous for setting out a boat to sea, not knowing where he would land but trusting that God had it all in his hands. This will be the prayer for the next ........I’m not sure how long.

Shall I abandon, O King of mysteries, the soft comforts of home? Shall I turn my back on my native land, and turn my face towards the sea?

Shall I put myself wholly at your mercy, without silver, without a horse, without fame, without honour? Shall I throw myself wholly upon You, without sword and shield, without food and drink, without a bed to lie on? Shall I say farewell to my beautiful land, placing myself under Your yoke?

Shall I pour out my heart to You, confessing my manifold sins and begging forgiveness, tears streaming down my cheeks? Shall I leave the prints of my knees on the sandy beach, a record of my final prayer in my native land?

Shall I then suffer every kind of wound that the sea can inflict? Shall I take my tiny boat across the wide sparkling ocean? O King of the Glorious Heaven, shall I go of my own choice upon the sea?

O Christ, will You help me on the wild waves?

St Brendon

I just.....

I just, .....I just, ..... can’t explain

My current mental state I’m starting to find hard to maintain

My main aim

My main game

My same way

Are falling

And I feel like I’m losin it

Look

I’m just trying

With all I am - to be good

To, do that thing I’m sure I’m sure I thought I should

To do right, to be nice, to live life

And be a really good guy

To keep my head high

To seek to know why

To speak truth and not lie

But to lie

Myself down

For the sake of my brother

And if the opportunity arises maybe even my enemy

But its killing me

Ok, so I exaggerate

But also to I exacerbate

As I dig deeper in the this pit of shit I uncovered

And fell in

And now I stink

I feel, I feel, I

Na, that’s not right for me to right

Coz that would require me to actually feel something

Yet at this moment I feel nothing

And I’m left to ask.....

“why do the good die young?

Why do dickheads have all the fun?

Why is when there’s work to do there’s no one

Yet if they want something, there’s, everyone

And while I’m asking

Why to beautiful girls date idiot horrible guys just coz they look a bit kool?

And why did I fail at school?

And why, did I never listen

to the advice of those beside that left me behind to clime high?

Matter of fact – why do i even try?

Like I said

I was honestly just simply trying to do good

Make a choice that might someday result in some next guy having a slightly better life

And maybe – one day someone, might just remember me

For one tiny good deed?

But right now it’s hard to see if even one of these steps might be right

I’m so deep in this hole I cant barely see light

So why fight?

Then someone hands me a letter

It says

Dear you (me)

I am them, him her, everybody, every conversation you didn’t here and every situation you didn’t see

I just want you to know while you’re stuck in the whole - you gave me a foot up so I could roll

And, you didn’t fail school

You might not have the grade

but you stood tall and brave and

Learned from mistakes

And moved on

That time you said “you should listen to this song?”

Well - that helped

That time you lent me £2.40, to me that was big, it was sharing wealth

I see its hard where your living

Knowing somehow your trying but just not fitting

But when I was that guy I want you to know, you helped me and gave me a hand

Writing to me, helped keep me sane

Visiting me, blew my brain

Those kind words didn’t go unheard

They helped me play the game

look

I know the roads tuff

But

Like you say

Son, keep ya head up

Even though you can’t see

keep climbing and think of me

be sure - You’re doing enuff!

Matter of fact a little too much

Learn from your mistakes, don’t let them define you

Don’t worry about what people think and looking kool

Do what YOU do.

It doesn’t go unnoticed

Don’t! Throw this

Roll with this

Go with this

Work on this

When it gets hard don’t quit

Pray hard and learn from it

So next time you don’t make the same mistake with it

Trust me

You got this

But that thing you said - about the girls and the idiot guys........yeah, I know what you’re saying, I cant answer it?????

Redemption

Re·demp·tion

n.

1. The act of redeeming or the condition of having been redeemed.

2. Recovery of something pawned or mortgaged.

3. The payment of an obligation, as a government's payment of the value of its bonds.

4. Deliverance upon payment of ransom; rescue.

5. Christianity Salvation from sin through Jesus's sacrifice.

As we sit in the visiting room after an hour or so of catching up, I look over to the window. The skyline provides that amazing winter sunset, the type when whole sky for as wide as your eyes stretched out is a mash up of pinkie orangie blue colours. Highlighting the putting an end to the light, and signalling a changes.

It’s only been 3 months and there’s only one to go, yet 4 weeks inside can seem like a life time on the out. Yet what these four walls can provide is something the world often miss’s. Time! To reflect, read, indulge your mind (for better or worse)

The true tails of Nicky Cruz, tony Anthony and such have obviously had an impact.

It’s hard to say when we first met, I remember sitting outside a prayer house in Essex a little to bemused to go in, yet as we sat outside with hot chocolate and his screwed up brow told of how much he was thinking about it all, I remember the hours of prayer and walking in circles around his house, I remember tea and problems shared at home, I remember bars slew in the garage. Scrapping smoking and messy stuff lead here, yet hope is what we leave with today.

That opportunity is for everybody, that time is a great healer and that redemption is there for the taking. If you want it bad enough and if your man enough to submit to it.

But my hand was made strong
By the hands of the almighty
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly

Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom
'cause they all I ever had
Redemption songs, redemption songs Bob Marley

the music man

He gives out a shout ,

To all those that’s out

To friends, neighbours, and family ties

Its been a little while since we all dun sat together
Traded music stories and laughed together
The old man stands in the room, in the middle
Frayed sting for a belt tied around his middle

He shoes done walked for a fair few years

And his old flat cap mopped up a fair few tears
Till all of them came over
Rakia poured out till they just pass sober

All the kids run round man and cant sit down

Cuz they just spread the word round town

Come to ours its the one by the factory that’s falling down

The music mans back and he’s learned a few new sounds

He brought back a pal and they made a band

Hes got

old skool rugged working hands

That shook hands with plenty good and a few bad man

sat an sieved a while through times old sands

Yet hear he stands

Hold up his hands

Ushers a lill quite from the folk around

Then warms up his tired old trumpet hands

Prepares to play a riff on the trumpet

it’s the music man

And its the trumpet passed down from man to man,

He picked up from his very own old man

The one who’s picture hangs on the wall right now

And resides over all that goes down

And in the room right now,

Not but a few bits a change to rub together between all the fam

But none of that matters coz up he stands

And calls for quiet

“Its been a long time since we last sat down,

Since I walked the streets of our fair village and round

since then I sat in a fair few seats

And these two old ears picked up on plenty beats

And these old shoes have seen 1000’s a streets

I sat

In the back

Of a flat back truck

With my trumpet wedged between two pigs and a duck

Crossed 18 borders and never got stuck

Trains and boats and hitch hiked much

Dubrovnik ta Prague to the red light Amsterdam

To the city of seven hill I came rolling down

Stepped in the Vatican city and they kicked me out coz the sound of my trumpet was well to loud

I blew tunes at the royal opera house,

You know that road out the back where they all catch the cabs

Jus me my trumpet and some change sat in the bottom of my old flat cap.

From the east where we all sit now

To the west, where they can’t sit down

just to listen to a music man

I would stand on the corner trumpet in hand

And play a grove so deep it would knock you down

Most couldn’t stop so they just keep walking,

Walking and talking

Talking and talking bout business meetings

and business seating, and business evenings

and they were so busy they couldn’t meet the next big meeting

but

on occasion

someone would stop,

not a lot

but someone would stop

forget about all they stuff and just watch

as a I clinched my trumpet that was way too warn out

to the tune of time

man I blazed it out

Playing the tunes that we would all dance to

The time honoured rhythms that our parents moved to

The sound of a world so far away

The language was hard but we had much to say

I couldn’t say
So I just let the trumpet play

it spoke of peace, and freedom

His business suite told of freedom long gone

His briefcase said Ill do whatever it takes

And his wallet says I carefully calculate

Every move I make

And even thought he was late

He slowly said I work a job I hate,

And this business man he said I’ve made too many mistakes

But trumpet kept on playing a sound

That said you can still be that man,

And that dream you once had but put away for the plans

Well my man maybe now’s the time

All of a sudden there back in that same old room

6 x 8 doorstep covers in shoes

Nobody can move

Too many bodies to move

They all stare at the music man they eyes glued

As he reached down to his warn out black bag

A boy shout

"Is that it?”, but he just laugh’s

In flash man just pulls it out

That beaten broken warn out trumpet

One that’s seen forever and came back just to re work it

Next to him,

his friend he met in the west

But this time he’s not wearing his business best

Torn jeans and a shirt open over a vest

And those shoulders that held up a world of stress

Now hold the frame of a man that’s blessed

Out the bag he picks up an 18 year old clarinet

And the pair prepare for the world’s greatest duet

Their eyes catch for moment how could they forget

transported to the corner on which they first met

A pavement that so many miles from here

Business man’s eyes fill with a heartfelt tear

Coz

Thing, they aren’t the same round here

Yet people smile as the sun goes down round here

The room erupts in anticipation clear

And music man says.

Ok

Listen here.............

can you help?

His face?

My eyes found hard to recognize at first

Although we’d spoken often.

It’d been a while since I caught his gaze

Felt like I’d been trying often

But, I got caught up

He looked solitary, in the distance

I thought maybe He spoke so I tried hard to listen

But the words were missin

He just gave that same old same old

Tip back ‘e the head

He wanted me to follow, but no words were said

We paced the darkest landscape as yet unknown to me

And then he stopped

And dropped

Down to the floor, moving much quicker than before he fell some distance

He threw his hands into the mixture

Mess, ash, dust and sand

And there he sat, for time

Yet time stood by

Perfectly – still

With an age he rose, tall as a skyscraper cutting the horizon in two

Then he reached down and opened his hands and whispered

“hold out ya hands, don’t back out now”

“I can’t there too small they can’t hold nothing at all, that’s all gonna fall....”

“Shhhhhhhhhh.....” his words echoed like scriptures, spoken not yet

“You have wot you need

You got it from me

And the cost I paid myself too

So please

Take these pieces from me

And help me put them back together.........”

The training ground

Days, weeks months. We spent sitting, listening, praying. At times it was dull to be honest. At times it didn’t make sense, at times we were board. Wanting desperately to be out in the world making disciples but being seemingly ... waiting....learning.....

Dreams were shared, hearts were stirred. We desired, we hungered, and we yearned for the opportunities. My heart ,at times was desperate for those around.

Encouraged by the glimmers, those tinny glimpses’ of hope, of change, of Jesus.

For a couple of years I lived in the safety of community, reaching out from safety. I loved it, it was great, I found faith, I found friends, I found...... Home.

Then Jesus said”go.... leave your friends and family and go....”

“You say you wanna serve? You say you wanna help me? Ok follow me”...... Seems simple right?

Switch

I sit around a table, of lives so far for my understanding of life that it’s hard to see any amount of impact this little life could have. In my diary I have a list of 5 times the number in front of us again, all in that same desperate place.

So now what?

I sat and learned at the feet of the greatest of all teachers. It’s hard to remember all of it but slowly, it seems that it was time spent well.

After an initial introduction of overwhelming proportions. Now is the time. This is what you’ve been preparing for.

So give me those rhythms, book me into those prayer slots, refresh my understating of truth. Let me recall those war cries of prayer mission and justice, remind me of all those times I said “out there is where we need to be” Coz out here, it seems a lot harder than I thought it might, Yet, all things considered, although I have no idea wot I’m doing. For some reason, it still seems right.

Desperation Vs Hope

As the night began to close in, having just had to be wrenched apart from an integral member of our team. We entered the landscape once more. Blendi expertly negotiated the ‘Rruga e Keq’ perfectly and we arrived ‘home’ It was the same, but different. It’s been a year since I had been here and that year had been kind, each day revealed a new development, a new building or a new restaurant that has been filled. Kosova is still defiantly on the up. Having been well fed with the food I had become familiar with, we took the long walk to church (down the stairs) It’s amazing the difference. Some old friends but also some of the empty seats reveal the harsh reality of what it takes to follow Jesus into the unknown. Some have faded, some have work, some have slept in. Yet there was the ever present sense of resilience, thanks giving and hope. We sang, we didn’t know the words, we heard people calling out their prayer, we didn’t understand but we knew who the called to, who they sang to, so as in those ancient days. ‘the believers were in of one heart and mind’ We talked about, family, Love and home. We were blown away by a testimony of prayer in action by one Mr C, Fitzpatrick.

The rest of the trip lead us a little deeper, a trip to Colonia , distributing food to poor (poor and poorer) families, meeting people in desperation. I always struggle with the concept of ‘mission tourism’ you know just looking at poverty, just observing rather than reaching in to try and help people out of it? I don’t know, its still a massively humbling privilege to be in such an environment, to see the resilience that a life of struggle gives, and to see the solid trust in God. Silver and gold we don’t have but what we have...........

Let me paint you a picture that sums up the trip.

So we cross the newly refurbished border from kovova to Albania, passed the immediately intrusive military pillboxes that abruptly interrupt the beautiful landscape. We take the single lane road over the wooden bridge (that’s is amazingly still there) over the electric blue mountain river and on, on into the bare face harshness of northern Albanians’ bandit country Barum Curri!!!! This is Albania!

You can’t help but get a feeling of hardness, a hardness of the country, a hardness in the eyes of the people and the hardness of the reality of life in such a bleak place. We head to a typical post communistic looking apartment block we head up the concert stairs being careful not to fall out of the gaping holes where the windows once sat. The battering rain presents the backdrop of a situation that is as pressing as the weather. We sat in a room of a family of typical standard with a girl who is anything but typical. Martina, works with a charity for the disabled, is involved in leadership at the church, and is in the process of applying to Oxford university in the UK! But believe it or not these things are not what struck me most. As we sat and heard her story I innocently asked what the main challenges that faced the church in Barum Curri, expecting to hear of difficult people, lack of finance, poverty and complaints. But this was the surprising response that stopped me in my track

“with God there are no problems, with him we know that anything we face will we will be able to overcome”

Oh,

I didn’t know what to say, even in our comparative luxury in the UK we can always find reason or grounds to discuss hardship or problem, yet here, not so many miles, but in comparative terms a gazillion miles away from all we know we here a story of such faith such belief that literally stops us in our tracks.

I think This time was about family, friends and future. We had a great time with friends, we felt like family together with us, together with our friends and brothers and sisters. And we dreamed of the future, a future that would see people being helped to help themselves. With a few idea in tow we too began to have a hope, that there is a way.

I left Kosova this time feeling sooooo different than a year ago. I was a little less emotional but no less attached. I think even more inspired (if that’s possible) by the creative ways that victory church continue to reach into the dark with a massive flaming torch to lead people out. I was deeply moved by the routine that remains, prayer day (yes!!!), bible study, children’s meetings, aid relief distribution, church meeting, guitar lessons, driving lessons, looking after the tourists (ha), and still finding time to have fun and enjoy God and relationships.

Keep Kosova in your prayers. Unity in Gjkavoa, continuation in the incredible work that goes on! The church in Barum Curri that will really need more constant support i think, Chris and Loraine who are moving from England to develop a drug and alcohol awareness/education program around Kosova.

Oh and one Mr C Fitzpatrick who had, quote “the best time of my life” wot more can I say

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMLzOcn2gq4

Apathy

Someone asked me wot it is thats drivin me?
Asked about the passion that keeps pushing me
Above all else and any other part of me
Above all I think I’d like to think and see
The biggest drive that sits inside of me sometimes is simply
Apathy
The lack of drive to see beyond of me
Beyond wot lays in front of me
Beyond the notion that’s there more to see then the just wot lays in front of me
Yet I posses a very unhelpful reality
Of an inherent ability
to simply
Switch off

Before it all gets too much

And Sure,
the worlds ruff
And we face the daily enormities and faceless non-conformities of the way we think it ought to be
And distant lands suffer at the hands of injustice and in equality
Dyeing of diseases that rarely bother me
And although they sometimes catch up and tug on a certain part of me
Still that ever present reality of wot is directly in front of me
Slowy eats away at me
And wot I physically have to see
And so
I switch off

And watch
A little more MTV

And feel a little better
About the world

And unplug form sociology
And recharge and indulge my own deepest darkest sense of apathy
And the fact that a world doesn’t exists out there unless I can see it right in front of me
So instead I watch re runs of sitcoms and feel Safe in my existence
As long as I don’t give in, and let the desire to think, kick in?

my man continued

I saw my man in the light a day today
Mate, wot can I say

From what I saw I’m sure I’m sure he looked a little different from before
He’d lost the hood.
He’s really trying hard to be good
He’s out trying the straight road (with a few minor detours) but its a long road.

And this time round coz I could see his face he didn’t look so mean in fact

He even smiled for me
And I’m sure a saw a little twinkle
In his eye

He looks happy, he’s doing fine
So I can tick him off my list............

I got a call this morning
My mans been taken in again
I’m not sure I’ll see him for a while
That corners gonna be quiet for now........

Wot next???????............

Let's Eat!!!

About 3 years ago (maybe even more) I walked into a house that called itself ‘a boiler room’ I didn’t really have any idea what that meant other than they prayed. But that wasn’t the draw. They also had free food!!!!!! Yeah bwoy!!!!!

Thus my inauguration into something that has become an integral part of my life. Community meals, house meals, community dinner, eating together, sharing hospitality. I guess you could say I have been around this since young. I remember my parent once making a new year’s resolution to invite someone from the church (someone they didn’t know so well) every month for an entire year. I think they did it.


From those humble beginnings I have shared food, and faith over many a dinner table. From David and Peters collection of organic Christians in Seattle, to the historic site of Herhut Germany with an American worship leader, echo’s of Suzanna’s “You want to do community? Well start by getting a bigger table” echoed in my ears at the ‘scum of the earth’ community meal or in Kosova sharing a simple meal that had taken 4/5 hours to prepare with my friend Erfon (Fonni) with whom I could exchange very little in the way of spoken conversation.

All these experiences have been rich, even this weekend I have enjoyed sharing community dinner with my new family in Colchester. However today’s outing was different. As I sat around the table with 4 guys, 4 guys that have had it ruff, that the world has given up on and would prefer if they were locked up for good, I couldn’t help but feel like they all deserved the best dinner ever. As we shared our ‘best’s’ and ‘worst’s’ of the week. I began to wonder if a simple community meal, as in Jesus’ time, really did communicate something of the Good news of Jesus.

Monday night = community meal night, long may they continue. Long may the gospel of peace grace and forgiveness flow through them. Amen


Just for a little nostalgia
http://squeezeitlikealemon.blogspot.com/2009/09/just-get-bigger-table.html

Breakfast revelation

So one week down. First week Left to our own way of thinking and working and dealing and meeting and... Well you get the picture.
Its tuff it’s challenging, it’s hard, the tails are brutal at times, heart warming on occasions but heart breaking mostly. I have also embarked on a mission to find the best breakfast on Colchester. If you would like to join me in my quest please feel free to contact me.

Today we sat in the prayer room before boiler room lunch and this guy asked me “what are you thankful for” the first response was easy “Jesus” I guess in a prayer room that’s often the first thing that springs to mind. The next was Tina, but I didn’t feel like it was the right time and place to share that story with my new finely (again) So I thought for a while and I said “to be able to do something” You know it’s such a privilege to be able to do something for the Boss.
Yeah I don’t really know what I’m doing, most of the time the stories seem too much, the offer of a cup of tea seems all too small. But what a privilege to be in a place to do something, something that God has been preparing you for.

I sat with my pal Jonsie for breakfast at the weekend and as we chatted about the coming year and the possibilities and we had to laugh. We had to laugh remembering that at that very moment 2 years previous we had just embarked on an adventure that would though us into God and out into the world. To be honest if we had talked about the things we casually chatted about over breakfast then (two years ago) it would have been ridiculous. But now having trusted even not knowing how what or even why. I felt SOOO privileged to not just look back, but to look forward too.

I just read this last week

Romans 4-5 (the message) But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift.

So better get trusting some more ay?

Thank you to everyone that has asked.

Just so you know!

Colchester is really good thanks. I arrived at the Colchester Boiler Room on Tuesday evening with a wealth of memories and good times in tow. Greeted by the delightful Smiths I received a larger bedroom that I have ever had before in life (I think if i hide in the corner I won’t have to move out ever)

I have started work with Out4good and really jus been shadowing this amazing guy Pete. It’s been great to see how he deal with the guys involved the organization and the networks involved. As we drove I was inspired by his story of life and faith and deeply challenged. Do we Do enuff with what we have???? A question for another day.

We have spent a great few nights with the smiths, and a few boiler room folks eating and sharing a little life together.

Next week see the first ‘Propa’ week of work as Pete is away and we will be fending for ourselves!!!!!!

Normal stuff, but its about to get interesting.

Thanks Colchester.

On another Note, everyone has asked about my new and beautiful Fiancé. Its great to talk about her and our future BUT hard to be apart. (we are hoping and praying we can see each other at Christmas)

Get involved

Today I sat round a table with a Muslim Imam and head of ‘multi faith needs’ a church of England Female prison Chaplin, a prisoner and some social workers. All trying to work together for the benifit of a young life.

Interesting day at the office

JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Time fly’s. Not but 2 years ago I was just about to leave a job and jump into the unknown!!!! What a jump it was, from Grays to Orsett to Stanford and into transit. From Transit to Kosova, to Turkey to Uk and back to Kosova, across Europe into a more scary adventure. Then the biggest and best of all to America.

Ever stand and take in a landscape? I took a trip through the cascade mountains 2 weeks ago with my beautiful Fiancé Tina. We were able to see some amazing views. Today as I sat and prayed in the park it was like God showed me the landscape of life. Massive stretching mountains, hills deep deep valley’s, streams lakes rives and seas. Then my feet. It like he was saying “just check out the beauty of it all!!!!, I hold all this together, but look! (As the camera sweeps across the vast expansive view right down to the floor in front) I gave you 2 feet to walk it. Sometimes you’ll be up there, others....down there. But through it all I take as much care of you as I did putting it all together in the first place.

Today I took another leep. From all I know, all the friends I’ve made over the biggest part of life, from the foundations that have been built and from all the things that I have known to be home. To the next step. Out into the wild...... well into Colchester at least. Into a new community, a new family (not naturally) and a new job/focus. I get scared quit easy but at this point I feel like Im well in the right place. And if the journey has taught me anything so far it that he is right there with you all the way.

‘Sometimes it’s not so much about the destination but the journey that takes you there’?

3.....,2......1.......jump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets see whats out there?!

was, is and will be

Ahh, I’m not sure if anyone still read this, but I do update every now and then. Mainly big things or seemingly spiritual highlights. But to be fair isn’t all of life worth celebrating?

So this is about airing out my inner thoughts and my take on the ‘was’ ‘is’ and ‘will be’

So I’m in Calgary airport (for a 7 hour stop over) Nice. I just left Seattle Washington and my most favourite girl in the world. I have just spent the best 6 weeks ever with my then girlfriend, now fiancé. WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO. Yes! Over the course of the summer I did propose and against all advice she may have had and all the right responses she may have given she agreed to marry me.

I just wanted to say what a great time we have had over this past summer.

It’s been amazing. Letting someone in so close to your life they have to see all that goes with it. Sometimes good sometimes bad, often just normal. Normal we have been, shopping, cooking, walking, eating holidaying, messing about, praying, visiting, meeting people, discovering new places, finding church and generally just doing life. May here and now say ‘life is MUCH better shared!’

It’s been the best, regardless to what anyone says I found America, nice, friendly, welcoming (welcome welcome Darren) fun and exciting. I loved meeting people, working and living.

Highlights include – being able to be part of the work at Recovery Cafe. Nero!!!!!!!! Camping like a propa outdoors person. Driving through the mountains listening to adventures in odyssey. Sharing my journey, the journey of 24-7 prayer and of the boiler room at 217 with the guys at ‘scum of the earth’ church. Meeting Rob Gregerson. The Goon docks!!!!!! A.k.a Astoria Oregan. Voodoo Doughnuts. Meeting and getting to hand out with some kool folks, John, Tiff, Jenn, Jess, Ronald, Zach, Liz Darren, Friendly Jeff, Caleb and David & Peter. But most of all just time spent with Teenie.

Oh yeah and getting engaged too. That was fun

So here I sit, in an airport on the brink of change. I feel like I left something behind! I did, she is wonderful, beautiful and the most precious person. Yet torn as we are we both embark on what we know God is leading us into for the next year (wow a year seems sooooo long)

I have great memories of the ‘was’. The year that was, transit, the boys, a life of prayer outworked in mission. The summer that ‘is’ and had tragically just come to an end. The connection of hearts, the life shared the plans planed and the future dreamed of. And I look forward, hard as it may be, to the ‘will be’, the year ahead full of its challenges and excitement. Prayer community, out4good, new family and friends (not forgetting any old ones of course) And the will, will be. Life together with one incredible Christine Elizabeth Aurand (one day Lawton)

Here’s to you ‘will be’ and all you may hold. I pray that the ‘will be’ God holds is the one I walk into. Amen

Be love!!!!!!

Steve, an apostle of Jesus the Christ on a journey of finding faith in the strangest of places.

To all the saint of the church of Transitier, to Gods elected representatives, strangers in this world yet with a deep rooted hope. Those that have been, or are about to be scattered far and wide to spread this gospel of love.

May grace and peace be with each one of you as you embark on this journey of life that is constantly being unfolded before you.

Much time has passed since we gathered together at the forming ground of Corritunesis, in the land of Essexaliea. Often we pray for you, never once thinking that you are incapable yet always understanding that God does nothing but in response to prayer.

Times have changed since we were last together and life has seen us all stretching out into the great unknown. But let it be known unswervingly my dear friends that none of us are in this alone. As the body we are connected to each other and the Christ himself. If you are ever in need please, do not hesitate to ask for prayer and of course keep constant dialogue with the farther, who is always looking out for you ready to get involved, at your request.

Brothers and sisters, the road is hard and fraught with dangers, yet let us never become tired of doing the good works he has at hand for us. Each day you rise begin by inviting him in, cultivating that relationship that we all long for that bond of farther and son/daughter.

Please, even though at times it may be hard, never let the word of God depart from you it is your life line, your incite into a loving farther and his longing to interact with his children. Hold on to it, you don’t know how blessed and privileged you are to have it in your hands.

Family, Love people, until you feel you have nothing left to give, than love some more. Let this be what defines you. Your love for one another, and not just those you like.

Waist yourself on Gods work, Sometimes it will seem pointless, who loves cleaning toilets or picking up litter, But it is SO important in the building of the kingdom to come. Some may laugh and accuse you of wasting your life, I say what better way to waste yourself than at the mercy of God, directly responding to the needs around you.

Look for beauty in everything and everyone, this will help as you seek to live as an act of worship.

Keep on growing, in this kingdom, you never get too tall. Keep on learning, your never realise how little you know until you learn something new.

Listen to Gods heart beat, pick it up, use it to build in a rhythm of life that both works practice and is in line with your farther.

Friends, there is more I would like to share yet I fear there would not be enough paper to write it down on.

Don’t forget where you came from, not because you going back but because it will help you determine where you are going.

Live generously, hope undoubtedly, pray persistently, and speak boldly, but never prideful, keep calm, there’s always time to take a breath.

But most of all, Love, love from the gut, love those who are loved and those who have never even so much as heard the word let alone understand it. You are loved, so be love.

I pass on heartfelt greetings from our dear friend Christine, she wishes you all well and hopes to visit soon (I hope so too)

May this love that we have heard so much about consume you. Until our time comes,

May Peace and love stay with you.